翻译:未知 校对:Tears 双语合成 教主zanki
南方公园 第6季第16集 来自未来 S06E16 My Future Self & Me
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
Clyde去把那东西扔掉 Throw it away, Clyde.
我才不碰呢 你扔 I'm not gonna touch it. You throw it away.
发生什么事情了 What's going on?
一些高中生把一些大麻丢在这儿了 Some high schoolers left a marijuana cigarette behind.
我们要在其它小孩发现前 把它处理掉 We have to throw it away before some kids find it.
那就扔掉吧 -但是没人敢碰 So throw it away. - Nobody wants to touch it.
我们碰了别人会怎么说 What if the residue gets on our hands
对我也看过那个广告 and it leads to harder drugs, like those commercials say?
是的 广告说啦 Didn't you see that commercial where it says
如果你有大麻 你就是恐怖分子了 if you have pot, you can become a terrorist?
广告还说了 俩孩子抽了大麻 And the commercial where two kids have pot
一个小孩用枪打死了另一个 and the one kid shoots the other -- harmless?
广告是在夸大 Those commercials are just exaggerations.
你怎么知道 How do you know?
我们之前都没见过毒品 None of us have ever had any drugs before.
我见过 Well, I did ecstasy once.
我和我女朋友在一起吸毒 Me and my girlfriend took it,
我们一晚上都在做爱 and we stayed up all night having s-s-sex.
在哪里做 Where did you have sex with her?
在她阴道里 In her v-v-vagina.
谢谢 谢谢 多么好的听众 Thank you. Thank you. What a terrific audience.
你这样做太傻了 It's just a stupid plant that makes you dumb.
扔掉那东西不会伤到你 Touching it won't hurt you.
看来只有你来做了 聪明人 Then you throw it away, smart ass.
好 我来 Fine. I will.
看我碰了大麻 There. See? I touched marijuana.
我也不是恐怖分子 也不会射任何人 I'm not a terrorist, I didn't shoot anybody,
我也没觉得想吸毒 and I don't feel like doing more drugs now.
没什么大不了的 No big deal.
孩子 要干别干你妈妈 You kids fucking don't fuck around with your fucking mom!
爸爸 我们也没法干别人 Dad, we fucking can't! The be-da-feh-ka-fuck.
Stan 不是说了不让看这个节目么 Stan, what did I tell you about watching "The Osbournes"?
妈妈 别这样 Oh, come on, Mom!
这东西会毒害你的 It's going to make you retarded.
这只是个节目而已 It's just a show!
不会有什么害处的 It doesn't have any fucking effect on me, for fuck's sake!
好阿 现在我们可以看新闻了 Oh, goody. Now we can watch the news.
警察正在通缉一个疯子 In other news, South Park police are still looking
这个人在一小时前出现 for a crazy man who terrorized the town one hour ago.
这个人自称来自未来 The man claimed to be from the future
他现在正在大街上裸奔 and ran naked through the city streets,
叫着 这是过去 这是过去 screaming, "The past! The past! Oh, my God! It's the past!"
这也是未来人都会叫的 Which is what one would expect someone from the future to yell.
啊 天啊 是过去 Oh, my God! It's the past!
呀 是你啊 Oh, whoa, man! It's you!
你是谁 Who are you?
妈妈是我Stan阿 It's me, Mom! Your son -- Stan!
Sharon 是谁啊 Who is it, Sharon?
爸爸 爸爸 Dad! - Dad?
听着我们互不相识 Look, we don't know you, and you don't know us.
最好在我们报警之前走开 Just go away before we call the police.
爸爸妈妈 是谁啊 Who the fuck is it, Mom and Dad?
啊 过去的我 No way! It's me from the past!
过去的我 I'm me from the past?
不 我是未来的你 No. I'm you from the future.
天啊 一片混乱 Oh, man. This is so messed up.
好拉 我们受够了 Okay. We've had enough.
你的名字是Randy Marsh Your name's Randy Marsh.
地理学家 讨厌鸡 You're a geologist, and you don't like chicken.
妈妈 你的婚前的名字是Kimble Mom, your maiden name is Kimble,
你在泳池滑倒的时候 and you have a scar on your left knee
伤了你的左膝盖 from when you slipped in the swimming pool.
Randy 这是怎么回事 Randy, what's going on?
我也不知道 I don't know.
我们再谈一下 就5分钟 Dude, just let me talk to you for like five minutes.
我谈完就走 After that, I'll bail.
我记得我五岁时 I can still remember when I was 5
你们发现了我藏在储藏室的麻雀 and you both found that squirrel I'd been keeping in the closet
我们又养了它一个星期 and you let me keep it for another week,
它后来飞走了 and then it ran away.
我知道这是你们编的 But I know that's just what you told me.
其实是妈妈放走了它 I knew Mom had actually let it out.
他怎么会知道这些事呢 How could he possibly know all that?
除非他是我们来自未来的儿子 Unless...he is our son from the future.
但是儿子，你为什么回来呢 But why are you back in this time with us, son?
我也不知道 I have no idea, man.
我正要去睡觉 I was just about to go to sleep
抽了点毒品 in an alley behind the crack house.
吸了点海洛因 I shot up a little heroin,
一场暴风就来了 and then this electrical storm started.
接着我发现我回到了过去 Next thing I knew, I was running around in my own past, man.
我盲目地溜达 I thought I was just tripping,
后来就到了这里 but then I came down, and I was still here.
啊 这太怪异了 Oh, dude, it's so bizarre!
你不该碰大麻的 Oh, dude, I should've never touched that marijuana.
Stan 无论发生什么我们都会帮你 Stan, whatever has happened, we're going to help you.
对 任何时候我们都还是一家人 That's right. We're a family, no matter what time shift.
我可以再喝一罐啤酒么 Thanks. Could I get another beer?
你一定累坏了吧 去睡会儿吧 You must be exhausted. Why don't you get some sleep?
我睡哪儿呢 That'd be killer. Where can I crash?
Stan会让你和他一起睡的 I'm sure Stan wouldn't mind sharing his room,
对吧 -什么 would you, Stan? - What?!
要我和未来的自己同房 I have to share my room with my future self?!
不要 Oh, no!
我们两个面对面 ♪ Here we are, face-to-face ♪
我和未来的自己 ♪ My future self 'n' me ♪
停 既相似 Stop it. ♪ So much alike ♪
又不同 别唱了 ♪ And yet so different ♪ No.
一个邋遢一个净 ♪ One of us messy, the other one clean ♪
相处也是不容易 ♪ Gettin' along isn't always easy ♪
意见也是不统一 别唱了 ♪ Sometimes we disagree ♪ Quit it.
但是到最后 我们会适应彼此 ♪ But in the end, we know we're good for each other ♪
粥里的两粒米 ♪ Two peas in a pod ♪
未来的自己和我 ♪ Future self 'n' me ♪
未来的自己 ♪ Future self 'n' ♪
和我 ♪ 'N' me ♪
嘿，大家好 Hey, guys.
嘿 嘿 Hey. - Hey.
Kyle Cartman Whoa! Kyle and Cartman!
见到你们真高兴 It's so cool to see you guys!
这个二货是谁 -这是未来的我 Who's this asshole? - This is my future self.
他昨晚从 He came during the electrical storm last night
时间机器过来 n a time matrix.
他是32岁的我 He's me when I'm 32.
很酷阿 Wow. That's pretty cool.
但他怎么知道我们啊 But how does he know our names?
他当然知道了 傻子 他是未来的Stan 'Cause, R-tard, he's Stan from the future.
他知道Stan的一切 He knows everything Stan knows.
这样啊 等下 Oh. Wait.
Stan变成这个屌样了? - 是啊 Stan becomes this douchebag? - Yeah.
都是因为我十几岁时胡混 I spent a lot of my teenage years on a slow downward spiral
喝酒 吸毒样样都会 experimenting with drugs and alcohol.
闭嘴 Cartman Shut up, Cartman!
真是太好了 That is so awesome!
谢谢你 伟大的上帝啊 Thank you, God! Oh, praise God!
嘿 未来的我是什么样的 Hey, what happens to me in the future?
我不知道 Oh, I don't know.
你们没有吸毒 你们是好孩子 You guys stayed away from drugs, so you were okay.
在2006我被送去戒毒了 I just lost touch with you
后来咱们就失联了 after I was sent to juvie hall in 2006.
戒毒 哈哈 Juvie hall!
哈哈 Stan是个草包 Stan是个草包 Stan's a loser! Stan's a loser!
去死吧 God damn it.
多谢你放学后教我功课 Butters Thanks for staying after school and tutoring me, Butters.
不谢 Stan Well, sure thing, Stan.
你怎么对学习感冒了 But how come you care about schoolwork all of a sudden?
告诉你 我受不了未来的我 I told you, I can't stand my future self!
我要尽我所能不做像他那样的草包 I have to do whatever I can to not become a loser like him.
对阿 学习是通往成功的基石 Well, studying is the golden key to the imposing door of success.
我就是受不了未来的我 I can't stand having my future self around all the time.
都快把我逼疯了 It's driving me crazy!
我要聪明点 我不想变成那样 Maybe if I get smarter, I won't become him
我不想和他同房 and I won't have to share my room.
我完全理解 I know what you mean.
我也见过未来的我了 I hate having my future self around, too.
我做过的事他都知道 Yeah. It's like everything I do, he --
等一下 你刚刚说什么 Wait a minute. What did you say?
我说我了解那种情况 I said I know how you feel.
我的生活也是越来越糟 My life has gone completely downhill
自从未来的我出现后 ever since my future self moved in.
我讨厌他 I hate him.
他是个乞丐 All he ever wants to do is watch "Becker,"
那么笨 and that show is so stupid.
那个未来的你来了多长时间了 Dude, how long has your future self been around?
到现在差不多四个月了 Oh, I guess it's been about four months now.
4个月 Four months?!
你怎么从来不告诉我 You never told anybody
你和未来的你住了4个月 you were living with yourself from the future?
我谁也没告诉 Nobody asked.
他现在在哪 Where is he now?
在家里看乞丐传呢 Probably watching "Becker".
我的名字叫乞丐 My name is T. Becker.
听起来是不是很棒 The "T" stands for "terrific."
这就是未来的我 See? Here he is -- future Butters.
这是我的好朋友 Future self, this is my good friend --
Stan Stan!
我当然记得你 Sure, I remember you!
我们经常在一块儿混 Yep. Wearing that puffball hat, like always.
孩子们好阿 Oh, hello, boys.
未来的Butters该吃药了 Future Butters, it's time to take your liver medicine.
肝病药 Liver medicine?
是啊 未来的我肾不好 Yeah. My future self has a bad kidney
他在高中喝了太多酒 from all the drinking he did in high school.
我讨厌我自己 I need to learn to behave myself.
你要去哪儿 Stan Hey, where you going, Stan?
好吧 那个狗杂种的钱包在哪 All right. Where's that son of a bitch's wallet?
你在找什么 stan W-What are you looking for, huh, Stan?
你不觉得太巧了么 Don't you think it's a little bit of a coincidence
未来的我们同时出现 that both your future self and my future self
他们搭的是同一班时间飞船么 got caught in a mexterdexed time plane?
因为我们有时有一样的老师 We both got the same teacher for homeroom, too.
有时候会这样子啊 You didn't say anything then.
找到了 一定能发现什么 Here it is. There has to be something --
这是什么 Wait. What's this?
这个在02年12月26号过期 This expires in 2002.
钱包里怎么会有这个 Why would he have this in his wallet?
我也不知道 -Colfax大街3451号 I don't follow. - 3451 Colfax Avenue.
跟我走 Butters Come on, Butters! - Ooh!
我们是要去探险么 Are we off on an adventure?
啊我们到了 动机公司 Here it is -- Motivation Corp.
我们不应该进去的 Stan I don't think we're supposed to go in there, Stan.
或许我们应该去其他地方探险 Maybe we should go adventuring somewhere else.
或许探险就是 Part of being on an adventure
去不该去的地方 is you go places you're not supposed to go!
你真行 我也去 Oh! Well, you're good at adventuring, huh, Stan?
他们在干吗 What the hell is going on here?
一个月左右 It should take about a month
才能达到效果 to achieve the results you want.
Brooks先生夫人 Well, Mr. And Mrs. Brooks,
你们会对结果满意的 I think you're gonna be very pleased with the results.
我们当然希望这样 We sure hope so.
我们只是不想让我们 儿子接触毒品 We just don't know how to talk to our son about drugs.
现在不必费心了 Well, now you won't have to.
这个是Josh Cashner Ah. Here he is. This is Josh Cashner.
他会扮演你们未来的儿子 He'll be playing the role of your future son.
爸爸妈妈你们好 Nice to meet you, "Mom and Dad."
天啊 他和小Kevin长得还真像 My goodness. He does look a little like Kevin.
他知道你们家所有的事 Yes, and he knows all your family history
你们房子的细节 and every detail of your house.
他会让你们儿子的未来变得很好 And he's worked up quite a future for your son.
我要告诉他我辍学 I'm going to tell him that I dropped out of school
在监狱蹲了8年 and went to prison for eight years,
我简直糟透了 where I was sodomized -- in the ass!
哈哈 这可以让Kevin远离毒品 Ooh. That should get Kevin to stay clear of drugs.
当然会了 It sure should!
好 我们会在周二晚播假新闻 So we'll put the fake news report out on Tuesday night.
让你们儿子到时看4台的新闻 Make sure your son is watching the Channel 4 news.
那时候是吧 Oh, and that's when you'll fake the electrical storm as well?
动机公司会负责一切的 Motivation Corp takes care of everything.
演员到的时候 照这个说 Just follow these simple scripts when your actor arrives.
听着 疯子 "Listen to me, you crazy person.
你不可能来自未来 There's no way you can be from the future."
啊 太有趣了 Oh, this is going to be fun!
真不敢相信 一切都是骗局 I can't believe it. It's all a scam!
我也不敢相信 Yeah. I can't believe it!
我们爸妈一直对我们撒谎 They've all been lying to us this whole time!
一直 This whole time!
未来的我是不是也知道呢 I wonder if my future self knows anything about this.
嘿 未来的我或许会记得 Hey, maybe my future self remembers this happening
我可以问问他 a-and can shed some light on the subject.
Butters 你真笨 Butters, don't you get it?!
这些二货才不是未来的我们呢 Those assholes aren't our future selves!
我们爸妈雇了他们来刺激我们 Our parents hired them to make us more motivated!
但是他们为什么回到过去呢 But then why did they come back to the past?
他们才不是呢 你个傻瓜 They didn't come back to the past, you dumb-ass!
他们是演员 噢 They're actors! - Oh.
噢 Oh.
这么说他们在撒谎了 But that's like they're lying.
Butters 是在撒谎 It is lying, Butters.
你父母骗你 我父母也是 Your parents lied to you, and my parents lied to me!
明白了没 Get it?!
啊 这太让我生气了 Oh! That makes me angry!
要是混乱博士在就好了 他会让所有人付出代价的 Why, if Professor Chaos were here, he'd make everyone pay!
他是谁 Who's that?
混乱博士 You know -- Professor Chaos,
它可以摧毁整个世界 bringer of destruction and disorder!
跟我回家 Stan What? - Follow me back home, Stan.
告诉你一个秘密 It's time I let you in on a horrible secret.
在这稍等 Stan Wait right here, Stan.
我警告你，你可能不喜欢你即将看到的 I warn you, you may not like what you're about to see.
我们必须教训一下我们父母 We have to teach our parents a lesson,
告诉他们不可以这样戏弄我们 show them they can't just play with our emotions like that.
现在你知道我的秘密了 Now you know my terrible secret!
你还好吧 You're gay?
我才不吃你这套呢 It's fine if you're gay, Butters. I don't care.
我是混乱博士 Huh? No. I'm Professor Chaos. I --
Butters 我们必须教训我们父母 We have to teach our parents a lesson.
我们要离家出走， We're running away.
现在研究一下得找个好地方 Help me find the perfect place to run away to.
啊 你还是太像小孩子了 Mm. Uh, maybe I used a little too much silver.
这个怎么样 冬季公园 How about this? "Winter Park."
看起来不错 It looks kind of nice.
不 我们要去个暖和点的地方 No. We got to run away somewhere warm.
快看这个 Stan Oh, look at this, Stan.
你是不是受够了父母 "Are you sick of your parents?
你想报复他们的所作所为么 Do you want revenge for something they've done to you?
打电话去美国西部父母报复中心 Call the Parental Revenge Center of Western America
有免费咨询 for a free consultation.
保证效果 Results guaranteed."
真的有这样的事么 Dude, I didn't know there was such a thing!
看起来没什么问题 Hey, look. Somebody lost their cat.
你好 Uh, hi.
请问是美国西部父母 报复公司么 Is this the Parental Revenge Center of Western America?
我受够了我父母 I'm really pissed off at my parents,
能不能帮我想想怎么报复他们 and I want to impose swift and horrible revenge upon them.
看啊 他们保证三周内成功 Look. You can make your wiener bigger in just three weeks.
真的么 好 你公司在哪里 Oh, really? Okay. Where are you located, please?
我可以明天去贵公司么 Great. Um, can I come by tomorrow?
整个服务只要95美元 This lady will come and massage your wiener for $95.
这个服务不错 That's a pretty good deal.
11点就行 谢谢你 11:00 is great. Thank you.
太简单了 That was easy!
只要去他们公司 I just go to their office
他们就会想办法帮我对付我父母 and they'll help me figure out how to get back at my parents.
我也要报复我父母 I want to get revenge on my douchebag parents, too!
好 你可以和我一起去 -太好了 Fine. You can come with me. - Hooray!
这样我们就可以 And then we can make our wieners bigger
翅膀硬了出口气了 and have a lady massage 'em.
是这儿吧 I guess this is it.
你好 我们想报复我们的父母 Uh, hello? We're here about the revenge on our parents.
是啊 请进 Yes. Come in, please.
Cartman Cartman?!
哦 Stan Butters怎么会是你们啊 Oh! Stan! Butters! I didn't know it was you guys.
你在这儿干吗 What the hell are you doing here?
Stan 这是我的工作 你是定的11点来的吗 I'm running a business, Stan. Are you my 11:00?
你开了美国西部父母报复公司 You're the Parental Revenge Center of Western America?
该死 我就知道这不是真的 I knew this was too good to be true.
Butters 我们走 Come on, Butters. Let's go.
难道你们不想 So you don't want to make your parents suffer
报复父母了么 and pay for mistreating you, then?
听着 我并不知道 你们父母做了什么 Look, I don't know what your parents did to you,
但我想不是什么好事 不然你们就不来了 but if you're here, I take it they pissed you off pretty good.
我或许可以帮你们 Maybe you should at least hear what I have to offer.
对不起 我们以为这个 是正当的公司 We thought this was a legitimate business.
它就是 我保证 And it is, I assure you.
三个月前我开了这家公司 I started this business over three months ago.
自此我一直在帮小孩报复父母 I've been helping children get back at their parents since.
你接过多少生意了 How many parents have you exacted revenge upon?
Craig的父母 Clyde的父母 Craig's. And Clyde's.
还有Kyle的父母 不过那是赠送的 Oh, and Kyle's, but that was a freebie.
我这家公司是正当的 Look, I run a legitimate business here
看看这里的电脑高科技 with state-of-the-art computers, charts, and technology.
看看你 Look around you.
我知道这种感觉 I know how it feels to be really, really pissed off
对父母非常的生气 at your parents.
我会为你们出谋划策 And I will work hard...for you.
我们父母用未来的我们来欺骗我们 Our moms and dads lied to us about those future selves.
用来让我远离毒品和酒 It was a trick to get us to not want to try drugs or alcohol.
该死 God damn it.
这就是我开公司的原因 See, this is exactly why I started this business.
如果父母不尊重他们的孩子 If a parent can't respect their child,
孩子该怎么办 -听着 then who can they respect, huh? - Yeah!
父母都知道因果报应 Parents understand one thing, and that's consequences.
他们要为自己的行为负责 They need to see consequences from their actions
不然就没法教我们了 or else they'll never learn.
我们想用最直接的方法 What my company does is inflicts those consequences
让父母认识这种后果 upon the parents in a very real and very direct way.
这个要多少钱 How much is this going to cost us?
18 000美金 $18,000.
要不便宜点 给你199.95吧 How about just 387 easy payments of $199.95?
那给5块得了 How about five bucks?
你们的未来演员表现还好吧 So, everything is working out with your future actor?
你们儿子反应如何 Your son seems to be responding?
我很担心 I think he's pretty scared, all right.
一直欺骗孩子的感觉 It's just a little weird having to keep lying
很不好 to our boy like this.
你们知道专家怎么说 Well, you know what us ultraliberals say --
如果涉及毒品 对小孩撒谎也未尝不可 "When it comes to children and drugs, lies are okay."
无论手段如何 结果好就行 The ends justify the means.
就拿吸烟来说吧 Take smoking, for instance.
根本不存在 The truth is there's no hard evidence
二手烟有害的证据 that secondhand smoke can kill,
但是撒谎也没什么不对 but we believe it's okay to lie about it
只要能让人们不吸烟 as long as it gets people to stop smoking.
听起来不错 Well, that makes sense.
我们动机公司出发点就是这样 So it is with everything here at Motivation Corp.
可以撒谎说大麻可以 It's okay for us to lie
导致恐怖主义或者一粒摇头丸 and tell kids that all marijuana supports terrorism
就会要了他们的命 or that one pill of ecstasy is gonna kill them.
并不一定对 但是结果好 手段就好 It's not necessarily true, but the ends justify the means.
等这个结束后 我想孩子会理解我们的 I think when this is all over, our son is gonna thank us.
伙计们 Butters 我们开始吧 Okay, Butters. Let's start with you.
研究一下具体的报复方法 I think I found a great way to get revenge on your parents.
告诉我你们想怎么报复 Tell me if I'm going in the right direction here.
Butters 我们打算 What we're gonna do, Butters,
等你父母离开家以后 is wait for your parents to leave the house
把所有的墙涂满屎 and then smear all the walls with poop.
这个主意不错 Huh! That'll make 'em awful sore!
现在给你们看看屎样 I want you to take a look at some of these poop swatches.
屎样 P-Poop swatches?
各种都有 Poop comes in a lot of varieties.
挑一个最适合的 I want to find the perfect one
用来报复你父母 tailored to your revenge on your parents.
嘿 stan 这个不错 Hey, that's neato, huh, Stan?
我喜欢嫩绿色的 Personally, I like the Baby Green.
但是棕色 But I also think that Classic Brown
更适合你们房子 would go nicely with your house.
喔 你太专业了 Eric Wow. You sure are professional, Eric.
但是我不知道用哪种最好 I don't know which swatch I like best.
Butters 我们可以几种颜色都用 Well, you know what we could do, uh, Butters,
客厅用嫩绿 is go with the Baby Green in the living room
用其他颜色涂在 and then maybe a Classic Brown or even a Nut n' Corn Crunch
你父母的房里 -太好了 in your parents' bedroom. - That sounds good!
好的 我们完成一个了 Well, let's do that, then. That'll look nice.
好诶 Hooray!
Stan该你了 你呢 比较棘手 Now, Stan, for you, I've put together a really nice design.
你父母太自大了 I feel your parents were a bit more cocky about lying to you,
你的报复要体现这一点 and your revenge needs to reflect that.
在你父母房门上贴一个纸条 So what I want to do is put a note on your parents' door
告诉我是你从学校请的法律顾问 telling them I'm the counselor from the school.
对 -明面和他们对质 Yeah? - The note will inform them
如果有问题 马上回来见我 that a problem has come up and they need to see me right away.
对 Yeah?
你父母开车到学校后会 Your parents will drive all the way to the school,
发现没有要开的会 discovering that no meeting is actually taking place.
嗯 等他们走了 Yeah?! - And while they're gone,
我们就开始涂屎 we're gonna smear all their walls with poop.
哇 太棒了 - 一点也不棒 Wow! Neato! - That's not neato.
糟透了 - 什么? That sucks. - What?
Butters家里已经涂过屎了 You're gonna smear Butters' parents' walls with poop.
我要一个独特的报复方式 I thought each revenge was unique and customized.
Stan 涂屎是现在最火的 Poop-smearing is a hot ticket right now, Stan.
Stan 你认为这些颜色怎么样 Have you seen the poop swatches?
这些还不够狠 Dude, that's not extreme enough.
只是涂点屎 My parents aren't gonna learn their lesson
那样还不足够教训他们 from having some crap smeared on their walls.
我要他们看到他们做错了 I want them to see what they did was wrong.
向我认错不该撒谎 I want them to have to admit they lied to me.
也行 磋商了这么多 Okay. Okay. Fine. I-I just -- My first idea.
我还有别的主意 That's why we have these consultations.
这个怎么样 Okay. Okay. Let -- Let me see here. Uh...
这个不错 这个怎么干 Well, this is nice. How about this?
我们绑架你父母 We'll lure your parents out of the house,
杀死他们 and then we'll kill them.
切碎然后喂狗 We'll cut them up into little pieces and feed them to a dog.
天哪 - 太极端了吗 Dude! - Extreme enough for you?
这个周三怎么样 不 这也太过分了 How's Wednesday? - No. That's too extreme.
不是不够狠 就是太过分 First it's not extreme enough, and then it's too extreme.
你到底想怎样 算了 Cartman - Where do you want it? - Just forget it, Cartman.
我不知道你到底要怎样 You don't know what you're doing.
我可是专家 I am a professional, sir!
别担心 Butters 会让你100%满意的 Don't worry, Butters. You're gonna be 100% satisfied.
嘿 未来的我 怎么了 现在的我 Hey, future self. - Yes, former self?
你知道我把一个东西藏在墙洞里两年了 You know that thing I've kept hidden in the hole in the wall
也从来没告诉任何人 for two years that I've never told anybody about?
就是我从鞋盒子里拿出来的那个 You know -- the thing that I take out of the shoe box
在我睡觉前 every night before I go to sleep?
哦阿 Oh, uh...
你知道我在说什么吧 You must know what I'm talking about.
当然 Sure. Uh...
我要失陪一下 Uh, oh, man. Could you all excuse me for a second?
我想我拉到裤子里了 I think I'm gonna crap my pants.
Stan 你对未来的自己 Uh, Stan, don't you think you're upsetting
也太过分了 your future self a little?
对阿 Stan不要对自己太刻薄 Yeah, Stan. Don't be so hard on yourself.
爸妈 我不认为他是未来的我 Mom, Dad, I don't think that guy is from the future.
啊 你 你 你 Oh. You -- You don't?
你不认为 No. You know what I think?
对 我认为这是个骗局 I think this is all an elaborate hoax,
谁对我撒谎 and I think that whoever is doing it
就是不尊重我 doesn't have very much respect for me.
激励人的最好方式 See, the best way to try to motivate somebody
就是别拐弯抹角的诚实以待 is by being direct with them, to be honest with them.
有关未来的事是个谎言 I think the whole future-self thing is a lie.
撒谎永远不是正确的方法 And lies are never the right way to get your message across.
哦 你知道我怎么想么 Well, you know what I think, Stan?
怎么想的 我觉得他就是来自未来 What? - I think he is from the future.
对 一定是 Yeah. He must be.
我感觉他是我们的儿子 It's like I just feel he's our son, you know?
这是妈妈的直觉 Right. That's mother's intuition.
这点你永远也不能否认 You can't argue with that.
Stan 摆脱他的唯一方法是 No, Stan. I think the only way you're gonna get rid of him
远离毒品和酒 is by staying clear of drugs and alcohol.
对 Right.
非常好 Okay. Very nice. Very nice.
等等 Felipe 天啊 Oh, wait. God damn it. Felipe!
棕色应该 The Classic Brown poop
涂在父母卧室 is supposed to go in the parents' bedroom.
起居室涂成绿色 The living room is supposed to be all Baby Green poop.
什么 这怎么没屎 ¿Qué? ¿La caca no esta aquí?
要棕色的屎是么 ¿La caca de moreno alta, sí?
这是没问题先生 没错 Aquí es verde, señor! Es verde!
上面上面 -是 是 先生 Arriba! Arriba! - Sí. Sí, señor.
好 谢谢 你呢 Bien, gracias. ¿Y tú?
Carlos Carlos 不 Carlos! Carlos, no!
我们要的效果是乱 We want a textured effect on the Nut n' Corn Crunch poop.
这也是我们为什么 用这个的原因了 That's why we spackle with the sponge, see?
慢慢刷 刷仔细点 Spackle gently. La marrado.
刷仔细点 要棕色 Gently, see? Marrado.
明白 棕色 Sí, marrado.
Marrado Spectacular - 好的 Marrado. Spectacular. - Sí.
哎 找个好帮手真难 Oh, it's so hard to find good help.
Butters 看看怎么样 Ah! Butters. Like what you're seeing so far?
天哪 这里也太臭了 Boy, it sure is stinky in here.
是啊 Butters 我们用了300加仑 屎 Well, 300 gallons of poop
肯定不会好闻的 isn't gonna smell like a garden, Butters.
整体看还挺好的 But I think it's coming together real nice.
你说 eric 我想 Look, Eric, I've been thinking.
我父母会不会很后悔 My parents are gonna be awful sore, and I don't --
对 那样我就完工 对吧 Yes. Well, then I've done my job, haven't I?
Pepite Pepite 不 Pepite! Pepite, no!
不好好工作没饭吃 No come la taco la trabajar!
我发现看广告找工作实在难 所以我不干了 Well, it's hard to find work in commercials, so I ended up --
嘿 Stan Oh, Stan.
嘿 怎么样啊 兄弟 Oh. Dude. How's it going, man?
想不想上楼和我玩捉迷藏吗 Hey, you want to go upstairs and play hide-and-go-seek?
玩捉迷藏 Hide-and-go-seek, huh?
对啊 Stan 为什么不去 上楼和自己玩呢 Yeah. Stan, why don't you go upstairs and play with yourself?
他不是未来的我 I don't believe that he's my future self.
我们是不能确定 但我们最好假设他是 But we can't be sure, so we better assume he is
并且绝不尝试第一根大麻香烟 and never try that first marijuana cigarette, huh?
事实上 我有个方法一验真假 No. I-I actually have a way to be sure.
我要把我的手切下 I'm going to cut off my hand.
如果他是未来的我 他的手就会消失 If he is my future self, then his hand will disappear.
S-Stanley 你不必那么做 S-Stanley, you don't need to do that.
他是未来的你 He is your future self.
我要确定一下 But I have to know for sure.
不要犯傻 Stan Don't be silly, Stan.
以后没手怎么办 You don't want to go through life without one of your hands.
也许我就是用这只手吸毒的 Maybe it's the hand I smoked that first joint with.
我要切拉 Here I go. I'm gonna do it.
我要切拉 Yes?
没什么 切吧 Uh, nothing. Go ahead.
Randy Randy!
啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊 Aah!
天哪 看 Oh, my God! Look!
啊 Aah!
他的手消失了 他是未来的你 -哦天啊 Why, his hand did disappear! - Oh! Oh, God!
他是未来的你 -上帝啊， He is you from the future! - Oh, Jesus Christ!
救命啊 Help me!
好奇怪 可是我没有切掉我的手啊 That's weird, because I didn't really cut off my hand.
我闹着玩的 It was fake.
看他的手也回来了 Uh, look. It was fake in the future, too.
Stan 看来你确实要远离毒品了 Looks like you better watch out for marijuana, huh, Stan?
Butters 我们干得怎么样 Well, Butters, I hope you like the work.
我确认你父母会很生气 I'm sure your parents will be plenty pissed off.
他们生气了 And after my parents get angry,
我们该怎么恢复墙壁呢 how do we get the poop off the walls?
你可以叫另外一家公司 Ooh. Uh, that's a different company.
有人来了 Oh, someone's here.
Pepite Carlos Vamanos我们快走 We'd better run out the back. Pepite! Carlos! Vamanos!
Cartman等等 B-But, Cartman, wait!
哦 天啊 Oh, Christmas.
Butters 我们 真难闻阿 Butters, we've g-- Oh, God, it smells in here.
是啊 300加仑屎 肯定不会像花园那么香 Yeah. Well, 300 gallons of poop isn't gonna smell like a garden.
Butters 我们逃走吧 -什么 Butters, we're running away. - We are?
我父母死不认错 Our parents are never gonna admit what they did was wrong,
他们也不会改变 and they're never gonna change.
这到底是怎么啦 What the hell is this?!
天啊 我们的房子 Oh, my God! Our house!
我现在有点负罪感了 Oh, geez. I'm gonna get it now.
Butters 这是怎么回事 Butters! Do you have an explanation for this?!
我不清楚 我只是想 Well, not really, sir. I-I just thought --
等等 Chris 你想想 Wait a minute, Chris. Don't you see?
这可能是我们的错 This might be our fault.
但是 W-- I--
但 你说的对 Linda My God. You're right, Linda.
这是我们欺骗儿子的报应 This is what we get for deceiving our son.
听着 Butters - Huh?! - Butters, listen.
关于未来的事都是假的 The whole future-self thing, well, it was a dirty fib.
我们只是想让你远离毒品 We just so desperately wanted you to never try drugs
我们想吓吓你而已 that we used a big scare tactic
因而我们不跟你说真相 instead of telling you the truth.
我们想着结果好就可以 但并非如此 We thought the ends justified the means, but they don't.
并非如此 儿子 They just don't, son!
儿子 我们对不起你 We're sorry, baby.
天啊 这里真是 Get the fuck out of here.
Stan Stan Stan! Stan! Oh! Okay.
你是不是奇怪Butters 也有未来的自己 Uh, y-you might be wondering why Butters has a future self, too.
对 儿子 时间机器从未来 You see, son, the time matrix pulled in more people
带回了很多人 -闭嘴 from the future -- - Oh, stop it, you guys!
我知道动机公司的一切 I know all about Motivation Corp!
我知是想让你们承认撒谎 All I've been trying to get you to do is admit you lied to me.
哦 Oh.
儿子 我们只是想让你 Well, son, we've just been trying to make sure
知道毒品多危险 you know how dangerous drugs like pot are.
我被告知毒品的许多坏处 I've been told a lot of things about pot,
结果发现都是谎言 but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true,
所以我什么都不相信了 so I don't know what to believe.
Stan 事实是 Well, Stan, the truth is
大麻不一定会让你杀人 marijuana probably isn't going to make you kill people,
也不会让你成为恐怖分子 and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorists.
毒品只是会让你烦闷时飘飘欲仙 But, well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored,
但是 当你觉得厌烦时 and it's when you're bored
可以学些新东西 that you should be learning some new skill
去研究科学 发明创造 or discovering some new science or being creative.
吸大麻会让你长大了 If you smoke pot, you may grow up to find out
一事无成 that you aren't good at anything.
真希望你们 I really, really wish you just would've told me that
早点告诉我 from the beginning.
他说的对 He's right.
如果我们靠撒慌阻止孩子们吸毒 If we use lies and exaggerations to keep kids off drugs,
他们不会我们跟他说 的相信任何事 then they're never gonna believe anything we tell them.
我只能怪一个人 Well, there's only one person I can blame.
动机公司 Motivation Corp.
天啊 谁在我们墙上乱涂 Oh, God!
谁在我们墙上乱涂 Who smeared crap all over our walls?!
天啊 好臭 Oh, Jesus! It smells! Oh!
Eric 干得好 You really did a nice job, Eric.
我得让他尝点苦头 Yeah. I got to admit you really came through.
谢谢你 Thank you.
在大厅里涂点 黑色还真够他受的 I thought the Hangover Black went really nice in the lobby.
我做了一大盒点心给你 作为礼物 Here, Eric. I cooked you a huge box of cookies as a present.
谢谢 Thanks.
这次和未来的我们相处过之后 But, you know, all this talk about future selves
我想 也许我必须学会更好照顾自己 has made me think maybe I should take better care of myself.
我的意思是 我想成为什么样的人 I mean, maybe I should think about who I'm gonna become.
孩子 你说的对 Attaboy, Eric. You made the right choice.
你是谁 Who the hell are you?
是我 Cartman 我是未来的你 It's me -- Cartman. You from the future.
我回来告诉你 I came back to tell you that this is the day
今天是关键的一天 you turn it all around.
不吃垃圾食品 用功学习 You stop eating junk food, you start studying harder,
远离毒品和酒 you stay away from drugs and alcohol,
你会成为一家时空旅行公司的CEO and you become CEO of your own time-travel company.
真的么 太好了 Oh, wow! Really? That's so awesome!
我好想成功啊 Now I'll really work to be successful!
从现在开始吧 Right on!
滚开 混蛋 Go have sex with yourself, asshole!
我才没那么笨呢 I'm not that stupid.
这样的话 我想吃什么就吃什么 Just for that, I'm gonna spend my whole childhood
想吸毒就吸毒 eating what I want and doing drugs when I want.
不管怎么说 这是我自己做的事 Whatever! I do what I want!
不 等等 No! Wait!
哦 天啊 见鬼 Oh! God damn it!