翻译:BloodyWing 校对:Tears 双语合成 教主zanki
南方公园 第6季第3集 Jared有"艾滋" S06E03 Jared Has Aides
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
♪ Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
♪ Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! ♪
♪ Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪
嘘 闭嘴先 Shut up, you guys. Shut up, you guys.
你好 这里是chittywok（中餐馆名） Hello, Chitty Wok.
请点餐 Take order, please.
你好 是city wok么 Hello, is this City Wok?
这里是chitty wok. Yes, this Chitty Wok.
我们想要份城市牛肉 Yes, we'd like one order of the city beef.
"屎涕"牛肉 Chitty beef.
还有城市鸡肉 And I'll have the city chicken.
"屎涕"鸡肉 Chitty chicken.
嘿 哥们快看 Oh, dude, look.
是那个只吃赛百味三明治 It's that commercial with the guy that lost 400 pounds
就减掉400磅的家伙拍的广告 eating at Subway sandwiches.
他看起来还是不错 ♪ He's still looking good ♪
他名字叫jared ♪ His name is Jared ♪
他喜欢吃三明治 ♪ And he likes to eat the sandwiches ♪
嘿 伙计们 Hey, fellas.
嘿 kenny Hey, Kenny.
天啊真讨厌 我不是kenny Now, gosh darn it, my name's not Kenny.
kenny已经死了 Kenny's dead,
你们都要学着接受这事实 and you're all gonna have to learn to deal with that.
好吧 非kenny Okay, not-Kenny.
南方公园的朋友们注意了 Hey, South Park!
你们在3月6日可以亲自见到jared You can meet Jared in person, March 6th,
在 kenny mccormack 城镇纪念广场 at the Kenny McCormick Memorial Town Square.
哇哦 jared要来嘿 Oh, boy! Jared's coming to town!
哥们 就是今天啊 Dude, that's today!
我们必须过去 走啊 非kenny We got to get down there. Come on, not-Kenny.
日 我的名字不是非kenny Now, gosh darn it, my name's not not-Kenny.
好吧 走 非非kenny Okay. Come on, not not-Kenny.
我要气的冒烟了 Oh, I-I'm getting steamed now!
哦 chitty wok Hello?! Chitty Wok!
chitty wok 请点餐 Chitty Wok! Take order, please!
不好意思 我们可以过去么 Excuse me. Can we get through here?
当然不行 我已经在这六个小时了 Hell, no! I've been saving this spot for six hours.
他的名字是garrison Mr. Garrison ♪ His name is Garrison, Mr. Garrison ♪
他在jared的引导下减掉10磅 ♪ He lost 10 pounds taking Jared's lead ♪
他过来了 Here he comes!
他看上去非常棒 ♪ He's still looking good ♪
有这些三明治 ♪ With all those s-sandwiches ♪
十分感谢你们 Thank you all so much.
如你们所知 在吃了一年的美味的赛百味三明治后 You know, after a year of eating delicious sub sandwiches,
我已经证明 减肥很容易 I've proven weight loss is easy!
而且 我向你们保证我将一直忠诚地 And I promise you I will always be your faithful leader
带领你们轻松减肥 in easy weight loss.
太好了 -耶 All right! - Yeah!
那家伙吃掉他想吃的三明治还减了肥 That guy ate all the sandwiches he wanted and lost weight.
太牛x了 He is so cool.
Fogle先生 几个粉丝想见你 Mr. Fogle?
是否可在他们的三明治上签名 Some fans wanted to see if you'd sign their sandwich.
当然 让他们进来吧 Sure. Let them in.
小朋友们好 Hi, kids.
哇噻 jared Wow! It's Jared.
你真的减掉了那么多？ Dude, did you really lose all that weight
而且只吃赛百味三明治 eating nothing but sub sandwiches?
当然 I sure did.
不过 我确实需要其他帮助 And -- W-Well, I-I also had a little help on the side.
什么帮助 What kind of help?
当然 吃赛百味三明治是很重要的部分 Well, eating sub sandwiches was a big part of it.
但我之所以减掉这么多 But the way that I lost so much weight
是因为我有助手（与艾滋同音） was that I got aides.
艾滋 -是的 A-AIDS? - That's right.
我在两年前有了助手 I got aides about two years ago,
从那时起 我就一直在减轻 and I've been losing weight ever since.
有助手能帮助你们变的如此苗条 太神奇了 It's amazing how slim you can get with aides.
我相信你可以 -想见见他们么 I'll bet you can. - Would you like to meet them?
他们 -我的助手 Them? - My aides.
Scott和tyler Scott! Tyler!
Scott是我私人教练 tyler是我的营养专家 Scott is my personal trainer, and Tyler is my dietitian.
你们好 Hello!
哦 A-I-D-E-S 助手 Oh! A-I-D-E-S aides.
为助手欢呼 Yeah. Hooray for aides!
那这并不象你在广告里所说的那样 That's not really what you say in the commercial.
我知道你们可以看看广告就在屏幕底部 I know. You kind of have to read the fine print at the bottom.
我只是吃了一半的火鸡三明治 It says I only ate a half-size lean turkey sandwich
并且不加芥末和蛋黄酱或者类似的东西 with no mustard or mayo or anything like that
再加上合理膳食和锻炼助手 and then had proper diet and exercise aides.
但是 你说了谎 But you're lying to people.
如果他们知道你并不是吃了你想吃的所有的三明治 If they knew you didn't just eat all the sandwiches you want,
你就不会这么出名了 you might not be so popular.
你这样认为 这又有什么关系啊 Y-You think so? Well, why should it matter?
当然有关系 It matters, dude.
哼 Hmm.
那傻X 并不是吃赛百味三明治吃减肥的 That penis butt didn't lose weight eating sub sandwiches.
他减肥成功是因为他吃的少还有多锻炼 He lost weight because he ate less of them and exercised.
只是在美国 有些人可以变的很有名气 It's only in America somebody can become famous
只是因为他们从死胖子 because they go from being a big fat ass
变的不再胖 to not being a big fat ass.
哦天啊，哥们 Oh, my God, you guys.
我想我即将有一个天才的主意 I think I'm having a genius moment.
啊啊啊 Yes. Yes!
就要想到了 It's coming to me now.
腹泻 That -- That's diarrhea.
不 难道你没看出来这意味这什么吗 No. Don't you see what this all means?
任何人都可以这样做 Anybody could do what he did.
是什么会阻止人们去说city wok What's to stop someone else from going to say, City Wok,
并和他们达成协议呢 and cutting a deal with them --
说他们只是吃中国餐 say they'll eat nothing but their Chinese food,
但他们其实吃的很少并且多运动 but then eat only a little tiny bit of it and exercise?
然后city wok就说 他们的食物可助你成功减肥 Then City Wok could say their food makes you lose weight.
所以stan 我告诉你 这就是钱啊 That's right, Stan. It's a cash cow, I tell you.
好主意 That's a great idea!
减肥又赚钱 Lose weight and make money.
这将会是butter所做的事情里 I tell you, this is gonna be the greatest thing
最棒的一件 that Butters has ever done.
我 Me?!
你以为我说谁呢 -Joyce dewitt Who do you think I'm talking about, Butters -- Joyce Dewitt?
哦 不 我以为你说你呢 你才是胖子啊 Oh, no. I thought you meant you. Y-You're the fat one.
butters 我可减不了 因为我不胖 I can't lose weight, Butters, because I'm not fat.
我只是骨头大 I'm big-boned.
骨头又不能瘦 蠢货 You can't slim down bones, stupid.
但butters并不胖啊 But Butters isn't fat.
这就是关键所在了 That's my whole point.
首先让他变肥 First we fatten him up.
然后我们和city wok签个合同 Then we make the deal with City Wok.
再恢复他原来的体重水平 -对哦 Then take the weight back off. - He's right.
如果butters天生很瘦 If Butters is naturally skinny,
他就可以很快的减掉体重了 he'll be able to take the weight off faster.
但是 如果我变胖了我爸妈会关我禁闭的 But, fellas, if I get fat, my parents will ground me.
哦 得了 想下你会变的多么出名 Oh, come on! Just think about how famous you'll be.
就像jared一样 You mean like Jared?
当然 你会像jared一样牛x Yeah, dude! You'll be just like Jared!
搞什么啊 你们刚才还说jared只是个j8东西 Well, the heck with that! You said Jared was a "penis butt".
但你不会是的 你会很出名 You wouldn't be a penis butt. You'd be famous.
去想一下这些跟随你的群众 Just think about all those people following you around,
对你唱着歌 只是因为你减肥成功 singing songs to you just 'cause you lost some weight.
他的名字是butters ♪ His name is Butters ♪
他是butters ♪ It's Butters ♪
曾经很胖 但已不再如此 ♪ Used to be fat but not no more ♪
是city wok将他带回4号尺寸 ♪ City Wok brought him down to a size 4 ♪
现在他将多钱多美眉 ♪ Now he's got lots of moneys and girls ♪
而且终生免费享用city wok ♪ And a lifetime of free food at City Wok ♪
喔 Wow.
Christine你知道我如此爱你 Christine, you know I love you very much,
我已经等不及和你结婚了 and I-I can't wait for the wedding.
jared我也爱你 你改变了我的整个人生 I love you, too, Jared. You changed my whole life.
她的名字是Jonas christine Jonas ♪ Her name is Jonas, Christine Jonas ♪
她遇到了jared并且减掉40磅 而且... ♪ She lost 40 pounds when she met Jared and -- ♪
我懂我懂 I-I know, I know.
但是 之前我和几个男孩子谈过话 But, uh, some young boys were talking to me earlier,
让我觉得 and they made me think
人们可能不会为我如此自豪 that people might not be so proud of my weight loss
如果他们知道有些情况 if they knew something.
jared 怎么了 Jared, what's this all about?
Christine 这对你可能没什么影响 Christine, this probably isn't gonna matter to you at all,
但我有艾滋（助手） but...I have aides.
什么 What?!
我有艾滋（助手） Yeah, I have aides.
在我们一起前我就有了 I've had aides since before we were together.
你在想什么 你很失望吗 What -- What are you thinking? Are you bummed?
我失望么 Am I bummed?!
你一直都知道你有艾滋 You've had AIDS all this time, and you knew it?
呃 我当然知道 Well, of course I knew it.
那你他妈的为什么不告诉我 Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?
我觉的没什么啊 I didn't think it was that big of a deal.
这没什么 我和你睡过了 Not that big of a deal?! I slept with you!
你是不是有点反应过激了 Aren't you overreacting a little bit?
哦 天啊 我们是要去结婚的 But Jesus Christ! we're supposed to get married!
我们仍然可以结婚啊 We can still get married, Christine.
我是说 他们现在只是我的艾滋（助手） Sure, they're my aides now,
但婚后 那就是我们的艾滋了 but after we get married, they'll be our aides.
你会爱上艾滋的 你绝对会的 You'll love having aides, Christine, you really will.
然后 当我们有了孩子 他们也会有艾滋 And when we have children, they'll have aides.
这将会让一切如此简单 It'll make things so simple.
Christine!
天啊 那些孩子是对的 人们确实不喜欢艾滋（助手） Geez. Those boys were right. People really don't like aides.
我最好告诉他们实情 I'd better tell everyone the truth.
嘿 孩子们 Hello, there, children.
大厨 我们想让butters迅速增重50磅 Chef, we need Butters to gain about 50 pounds, fast.
50磅 为何 Fifty pounds? Why?
呃 校园实践活动 Uh, school project.
如果你们想让他速度变胖 Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible,
你们中的一个必须和他结婚 one of you will have to marry him.
结婚 Marry him?
这对我遇到的每个女人都很适用 It definitely worked for every woman I ever met.
哦 不不不 我不能结婚 Oh, no, no, no! I ain't getting married.
我父母会关我禁闭的 My parents will ground me.
没人和他结婚 Yeah. None of us want to marry Butters.
为什么 我怎么了 Well, how come? What's wrong with me?
那我想我们只有用传统方式了 I guess we're gonna do this the old-fashioned way.
孩子们 到后面来 Come on back, children.
我不能再吃了 I can't eat no more.
你必须吃这还有些蛋黄酱 You have to. Here. Have some more mayonnaise.
大厨 我们要更多的食物 Chef, we need more food.
我正在做 I'm running out, children.
草 butters快给我吃 Damn it, Butters, keep eating,
否则我把你揍的比kenny死的还彻底 or else I'll kick your ass till you're deader than Kenny!
哥们 这不合适 Dude, that isn't cool.
你不能拿kenny的死当笑话 You shouldn't joke about Kenny being dead.
还没有经过足够长的时间 Enough time hasn't passed.
要过多久我们才能拿他当笑话 So how long until we can joke about it?
22.3 年 22.3 years.
那是悲剧变的有趣 That's how long it takes for something tragic
所需要的时间 to become funny.
要等很长时间 That's a long time to wait.
我不能再吃了 I can't eat no more.
我一直在吐 I-I just keep puking it up.
那就把吐的吃下去 -不 Then eat your puke. - No!
吃啊 日本女孩都这么做的 Oh, come on. Japanese girls do it.
女士们先生们 赛百味很高兴的通知你们 Ladies and gentlemen, we at Subway are happy to inform you
jared绝决定留在南方公园 that Jared has elected to stay in South Park
为你们再来一次演讲 in order to speak to you once again!
他还要来演讲 He's going to speak to us once again!
他过来了 jared So here he is -- Jared!
他还是看起来很棒 ♪ He's still looking good ♪
一直在吃着三明治 ♪ Eating them sandwiches all the time ♪
谢谢你们 Thank you. Thank you all.
赛百味公司是吃快餐和减肥的健康方式 Subway is a healthy way to eat fast food and lose weight!
哦耶 All right!
但我觉的我应该 But I feel like I need to come a little clean
澄清一些事情 about something.
我瘦身成功并不只是依靠赛百味三明治 It wasn't just Subway sandwiches that made me thin.
嗯 Huh?
我可以迅速减肥的原因是 The reason I was able to lose so much weight so quickly
我有艾滋（助手） was that I got aides.
他是不是说了艾滋 Huh? - Did he say "AIDS"?
但我仍然想成为瘦身美国的领导者 But I still want to be the leader in a thinner America,
所以我过来告诉你们 and so I'm here to tell you
你们都应该有助手 that you should all go out and get aides!
天啊 -他是认真的么 Oh, my God. - Is he serious?
有艾滋具爽无比 Having aides is awesome!
有了艾滋 你们可以直观的看见脂肪逐渐消失 With aides, you can literally watch the fat melt away.
有了艾滋和赛百味三明治的合理搭配 And with the proper mix of aides and Subway sandwiches,
一切皆有可能 anything is possible.
fogle先生 发表的观点 Uh, the opinions expressed by Mr. Fogle
并不代表赛百味公司 are not necessarily those of the Subway company.
喔 他看起来棒极了 Wow! He looks great!
butters 感觉如何 How do you feel, Butters?
感觉有点像cartman Well, k-kind of like Cartman.
哦 -注意点 小子 Aah! - Get ahold of yourself, man.
好了 开始步骤二 All right. Now it's time for phase two.
欢迎光临 Welcome to Chitty Wok.
想要尝尝屎涕鸡肉么 You like to try chitty chicken today?
我们过来向你提供终身商业和约 Sir, we have come to offer you the business deal of a lifetime.
你想要屎涕牛肉 You want the chitty beef?
不 我们想要向世界展示你的食物是多么的健康 No. We want to show the world how healthy your food is.
我们的胖子朋友将要减到40磅 Our fat friend here is going to lose 40 pounds
通过只在citywok吃饭 eating at Chitty Wok.
哪个 我看到两个胖朋友 Which one? I see two fat friend.
这个胖子 The fat one.
我们会拍减肥前和减肥后的照片 We're gonna take before-and-after photos,
当他只吃你们的食物而变瘦了以后 and when he gets skinny from eating your food,
我们就把照片展示出来 we'll show the world.
为什么 Why?
这样你就可以付给我们钱将我们的朋友用作广告 Because then you can pay us to use our friend in commercials.
就像jared Oh, you mean like Jared?
就像jared Just like Jared.
他叫jared 他在减肥 ♪ His name is Jared, he lose some weight ♪
chittywok 当然很棒 ♪ Chitty Wok food sure is great ♪
听起来不错 Yeah. Okay. That sound good.
如果他通过在chittywok吃饭而减肥 So, if he lose weight eating Chitty Wok,
我会把他用作广告并付给你们钱 I pay you to use him in commercial.
好诶 All right!
那我们成交 Sir, we are in business.
Jared 首先 Jared, first of all,
我想说 赛百味公司在座的各位 we want to say that all of us here at Subway
非常感激你为公司做的贡献 appreciate everything you've done for our company.
哦 我才要感谢你们 Well, I appreciate your company
这都是为了我 doing everything it's done for m e.
好吧 这是我们的决定 Yes, well, it is now the opinion of all of us
这可能对你最有好处 that perhaps it would be best for you to take your...
撤消你的减肥谬论 strange theories on weight loss elsewhere.
请问 Excuse me...
我是被炒了么 ...am I being fired?
Jared你的减肥新方法 Jared, it's just that your new take on weight loss
与我们的健康宗旨相违背 is contrary to our commitment to good health.
怎么会 How so?
你的新口号就是例子 Well, your new slogan, for instance.
这将会很合适 "When it comes to fitness,
如果赛百味和艾滋携手前进 Subway goes hand in hand with AIDS."
嗯 哼 Uh-huh.
他的名字叫jared ♪ Name is Jared ♪
他是减肥的jared 吃的赛百味的食物 ♪ He's Jared, lost weight eating Subway ♪
但现在又冷又孤独 ♪ Now he's cold and alone ♪
没人打电话叫他回家 ♪ No one to -- place to call his home ♪
他就像费城的三明治 ♪ He likes sandwiches with Philadelphia ♪
加上奶油干酪 ♪ cream cheese ♪
加油 butters你必须减到皮包骨头 Come on, Butters! You got to get skinny again!
你就是软软的一大砣便便 You are such a flabby hunk of crap!
看这些脂肪褶皱 都是他妈的的脂肪 Look at those jelly rolls! Jelly rolls, I tell ya!
你有7个下巴 You still got seven chins, boy!
你永远不会瘦 没人喜欢你 You'll never be thin! Nobody loves you!
嘿 他们喜欢我 Hey, now. They do, too.
即使我很胖 我爸妈还是喜欢我 My mom and dad love me even if I am fat.
Butters 我只是想提供一些激励性帮助 Butters, I'm just trying to offer some motivational help.
那好吧 快拉 你个肥婊子 All right, then. - Row, you fat bitch!
快看这些脂肪 没人爱你 Look at them jelly rolls! Nobody loves you!
你根本不是个人 You're not even a person!
我从来没想过出名 现在每个人都恨我 I never asked to be famous. Now everyone hates me!
我想要是没有过助手就好了 I almost wish I had never gotten aides!
嘿 别这么沮丧 那说的什么话 Hey. Now, come on. What kind of talk is that?
对不起 我想我应该脱离助手一段时间 I'm sorry, guys, but I --
我想我应该脱离助手一段时间 I think I want to be aides-free for a while.
jared 打起精神 人们并不恨你 Come on, Jared. Lighten up. People don't hate you.
或许他们只是嫉妒 Maybe they're all just jealous
他们负担不起拥有助手的花费 that they can't afford to hire their own aides.
等下 你是对的 Wait a minute. You're right!
哦耶 Yeah!
我想我知道怎样再次成名了 I think I know how to be a celebrity again!
你带相机没 -恩 都准备好了 Did you bring the camera? - Yeah. we're all set.
我想这应该是商务讨论的时候了 Guys, I think this might be a good time
商务讨论的时候了 -什么意思 to discuss some business. - What do you mean?
当city wok看见butters这么瘦 Well, when City Wok sees how skinny Butters is,
他们不会只让他做一个广告 they're not gonna want him to just make one commercial.
他们要更多 -是的 They're gonna want several. - That's true.
jared为赛百味做了100多个广告 Jared did like a hundred for Subway sandwiches.
我想我们正在看了 一个非独家 I think we're looking at a nonexclusive,
2年50部的合约 two-year, 50-picture deal here.
我算了一下是4百万 My calculations put that at about $4 million.
喔 Wow!
我想这4百万 I think the $4 million should be split evenly
应该平均分给我们三个 among the three of us,
除去我应该得到的20%的否定费用 except that I should get a 20% per negation fee off the gross
因为我想到的这个计划 for having come up with the idea.
Butters 你他妈的的究竟在干嘛 Butters, what the hell are you doing?!
你还是这么胖 Yeah! You're still fat!
我知道 我似乎减不下来了 I know. I-I can't seem to lose it.
但我们今天应该给你拍city wok的广告了 But we're supposed to shoot your commercial for City Wok today,
你个废物 you fat piece of crap!
我不知道怎么说 I don't know what to tell you.
减肥比增肥难多了 Losing weight is harder than putting it on.
不 不是的 你个蠢屁股 No, it isn't, stupid blubber butt!
你是不是每天只吃一盎司的city wok的食物 如我们告诉你的 Did you eat only one ounce of City Wok a day like we told you?
啊 我不知道 Well, yeah, but I-I don't know.
你为什么这样对我们 Why are you doing this to us?
抽脂手术准备好了 All prepared for liposuction surgery?
检查 Check.
我对这一点不懂 I don't know about this, fellas.
嘿 是你惹恼了我们因为你没减掉肥 You're the one that screwed us by not losing weight, Butters.
好了 手术开始 It says here, "The operation begins
在腹部开一个一英尺的口子 with a one-inch incision in the abdomen
在左边屁股上边 on the left side, just above the hip."
差不多这里 Ah, so that's right about, uh, here.
哦 别给我乱叫 Oh! - Stop your bitching, Butters!
kenny会象个男人一样承受住的 God! Kenny would've took it like a man!
现在 把管子的一头 Now put one end of the tube
插入伤口大约半英尺 a half an inch into the incision.
好了 All righty.
喔 我觉的这不是好主意 Whoa. I think this is a bad idea, fellas.
我感觉好虚弱 I feel woozy.
我觉的应该进去了 I think it's in.
通过切口 用虹吸作用 "The liposuction is a process
引出多余脂肪 of siphoning out the excess fat."
呃 Ugh.
-引出来了 -好啊 有效果了 - There it goes. - All right. It's working!
尝起来很象奶油书牛肉片之类的东西 Oh, man, it tastes like that, um --
大厨偶尔会做 You know that creamed chipped- beef stuff Chef makes sometimes?
呃 我感觉不舒服 Uh, fellas, I don't feel very good.
闭嘴 他妈的都是你的错 Shut up, Butters. This is your own damn fault.
一切都在变的越来越黑 -我们必须快点 Everything's getting dark. - We got to hurry this up.
对 继续 很不错 Oh, yeah. Keep doing that. That's working good.
他正在减呢 嗷~嗷~ - He's losing weight! - Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
失控了 It's out of control!
我看见好多星星 Whoa. Everything's getting sparkly.
哦不 butters的父母来了 Oh, no, dude. Butters' parents are home.
真背 -闪人 Oh, crap! - Dude, bail.
Butters? Butters?!
妈 爸 Mom, Dad.
Butters 你是不是在做抽脂手术 Butters, are you having liposuction surgery?
说实话 Tell me the truth.
是的 Yes, sir.
太不敢相信了 This is unbelievable!
我告诉你多少次了 永远不要在家里 How many times have we told you never to have
自己做抽脂手术 self-performed liposuction surgery in our house?
4 次 Four times, Mom.
我想我说的还不够 Well, I guess that wasn't enough.
先生 现在站起来回你房间去 You get up to your room right now, mister.
好的 Yes, sir.
不要那样看我 Oh, don't you give us that look, young man.
你应得的 You're gonna get it!
Tom现在我们站在市长办公室前 Tom, I'm standing out front of the mayor's office,
在这里 大骗子jared又要再一次演讲 where the big liar Jared is once again about to speak.
很显然 jared想重新获得他英雄般的声望 Apparently, Jared hopes to regain his celebrity-hero status
这些名誉消失于当他宣称因为他有艾滋 which was lost when he announced that it was AIDS,
而并不是通过吃赛百味三明治才减肥成功的 not sub sandwiches, that caused him to lose weight.
让我们听听他说些什么 Let's listen in.
女士们先生们 起初我并不明白 Ladies and gentlemen, a-at first I didn't understand
为什么你们感觉自己被背叛了 why you felt betrayed
当听说我的助手帮助我减肥 by the fact that my aides helped me to lose weight.
现在我现在了解了 因为这不公平 But now I understand that it's because it isn't fair
我有助手而你们没有 that I had aides and most of you don't.
所以 我将用我拍广告赚的钱 And so with all the money I made from commercials,
计划开始 I have decided to start
每人都有艾滋基金会 the Aides for Everyone Foundation!
啥 What?!
我将会看见 I am going to personally see to it
每个人都有艾滋 that each and every one of you gets aides.
这孩子疯了 This guy's insane.
而且 不限于此 But I won't stop there.
我将会找到所有贫困的人们 I'm gonna seek out all the underprivileged
和全世界还在饥荒中的儿童 and hungry children of the world,
我将亲自给他们艾滋 and I'm going to give them aides myself!
你将要给孩子们艾滋 You're gonna give children AIDS?
对 这是我的梦想 地球上每个美丽的孩子 Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child on this earth
在下个月都有艾滋 has aides by next month.
每个人的艾滋 Aides for everyone!
抓住他 Get him!
走啊 butters 到时间了 -那里去 Come on, Butters. Time to go. - Go where?
city wok 去赚钱啊 To City Wok so we can make our money.
我哪也不能去 God! - I can't go anywhere, fellas.
我因为做抽脂手术被关禁闭了 I've been grounded for having liposuction surgery.
什么 What?
我告诉他们这很迫切 I told you my parents would be sore.
但他们说因为做了抽脂手术 And they said, for having liposuction surgery,
我必须呆家里5天 I can't play outside for five days.
哥们 我们需要你立刻过去 We just need you to come down to City Wok real quick
让他们看看你现在多么的瘦啊 so they can see how skinny you are.
你们把我变胖让我麻烦缠身 You guys have already gotten me in Dutch for getting fat,
然后又给我做抽脂手术让我麻烦加倍 and then I got in double Dutch for having liposuction.
难道现在你们想带给我三重麻烦 And now you're asking me to be in triple Dutch?!
哼 我才不要 Hunh-unh. I'll never be that Dutch.
kenny一定会做的 Kenny would've done it.
对 Yep.
你们还记得kenny多么的够义气么 You guys remember what a cool friend Kenny was?
天啊 他总是帮我们脱离困境 He was always up for helping us out.
他是我们最好的朋友 Man, he was the best friend ever.
喂 我真的没办法 Look, fellas, I can't do it!
我爸妈上班时每小时打次电话 My mom and dad call in every hour from work
看我在不在 to make sure I'm here.
如果没人接电话 他们就知道我没干好事 If I don't answer the phone, they'll know I'm up to no good.
好吧 我留这儿帮你接电话 All right. I'll stay here and answer the phone for you.
但你说话不像 B-But you don't sound like me.
但你说话不像 But you don't sound like me.
我的名字叫butters 我是个小软蛋 My name is Butters, and I'm a little pussy
我没有帮我朋友赚钱 who won't help his friends make money.
喔 非常好 Wow. That was pretty good.
好了搞定 我们走 All right. It's settled. Come on, Butters.
别忘了 4百万里的3分之一是我的 Don't forget, a third of that $4 million is mine.
呃 Ahh.
你好 Uh, hello?
我只是看看你在不在 I'm just checking in on you, Butters.
我是不是听到电视声音了 He-- Do I hear the television?
我告诉你了 禁闭的时候不能看电视 We told you no television while you're grounded.
哦 我没有看电视 老爸 Oh, gee whiz. I'm not w-watching television, Dad.
我只是躺在那 摆弄着它 I'm just laying around jackin' it.
摆弄它 什么 Jacking it? Jacking what?
当然是我火热而辛辣的直挺挺的小棍棍 Well, my hot, spicy boner, of course, Dad.
什么 你想死么 居然说出那些话 What?! Are you trying to get in more trouble with that language?
放轻松 你充血的女性生殖器在放屁啊 Aw, loosen up, you bloody vaginal belch.
我会让你很爽的 先生 Oh! You are gonna get it, mister!
等我回家你就死定了 You just wait till I get home!
来啊 你个小受样 Bring it on, queer bait.
啊 爽 Ahh. Yes.
我告诉我女朋友我有助手她就离开了 I tell my girlfriend I have aides, and she leaves!
我告诉人们我有助手他们认为我疯了 I tell the world to get aides, and they think I'm crazy!
我说要给孩子们助手 人们就想要我死 I offer to give aides to kids, and everyone wants me dead!
有助手究竟怎么了 What's wrong with aides?!
为什么没有人想让我给他助手 Why doesn't anyone want me to give them aides?!
他在那儿 正在揍一匹死马 There he is, beating that dead horse!
抓住他 Get him!
啊 Aah!
欢迎来到chitty wok 请点餐 Welcome to Chitty Wok. Take order, please.
我们带来了个好消息 We have great news!
我们朋友通过吃city wok的食物减掉了40磅 Our friend lost 40 pounds eating your City Wok food.
这是他减肥前后的照片 Here's the before-and-after photos.
他通过吃chittywok减肥 He lose weight eating Chitty Wok?
是的 所以 现在你可以付钱给我们从而可以用他拍广告 That's right, so you can pay us to use him in your commercials,
你就有了自己的jared and you'll have your very own Jared.
哦不 不行 Oh, no. No way.
我不会让jared出演我们的广告 I not putting no Jared in my Chitty Wok commercial.
为什么 -你不知道 Why not? - Don't you know?
你不知道人人都恨jared Everybody hate Jared.
他想让每个人都有艾滋 He want everyone in world to have AIDS.
他脑子有病 -啥 He sick in the head. - What?
我不想让chittywok这样玩完 I no want Chitty Wok have nothing to do
因为jard和他的艾滋 with Jared and his AIDS.
等下 现在人人都恨jared Wait. Everyone hates Jared now?
对 他们要杀了他 Yeah. They -- They gonna kill him.
即将市区行刑 They're gonna kill Jared downtown right now.
日 我们得过去说清楚 Oh, come on, guys. We got to sort this out.
这是一些为你准备的炭疽热 Here's some anthrax for ya.
噢 不 Oh, no!
炭疽热让我得了结肠癌 Phillip, your anthrax has given me colon cancer!
炭疽热让我得了结肠癌 Your anthrax has given me colon cancer!
你好 Hello.
Butters 你爸爸打电话过来了说你让他十分恼火 Butters, your father called and said you made him very upset.
对啊 爸爸一直是个小脓包 妈妈 Yeah. Well, Dad's being a little pussy, Mom.
Butters 你从哪学的这些混帐话 Butters! Where did you get that kind of smart mouth?
肯定不是从你傻x屁股里学到的 Not from you dumb-asses. That's for sure.
你等着 Oh! You just wait till I get home, mister!
我等着呢 你个被马干的老婊子 I'll be waiting with bells on, you old horse-bangin' skank.
呃 Ahh.
嘿 那是些炭疽热 Hey! That's some anthrax over there!
为什么我拍了这些愚蠢的广告 Why did I ever do those stupid commercials?
好了 jared 你个有病的家伙 All right, Jared, you sick pervert.
死之前有什么想说的么 Do you have anything to say before you die?
等下 你们都搞错了 Wait! You're all making a mistake!
孩子们 别动 jared想给你们艾滋 Stay back, children! Jared wants to give you AIDS!
不 你没搞清楚 jared 没艾滋 No! You don't understand. Jared doesn't have AIDS AIDS.
他有的是助手 He has assistants -- two guys
是两个帮他减肥的家伙 that help him lose weight that he calls his "aides."
嗯 哦 Hmm? - Oh.
你是说jared有和我一样的助手 You mean Jared's aides are like my aides?
对 Yes!
你说你们一直以为 Y-You mean you all thought...
哦 天 Oh, my gosh!
我太蠢了 Oh, boy, do I feel stupid.
我们很抱歉 jared Oh, we're so sorry, Jared.
不 这是我的错 真不敢相信 No, no. I-It was my fault. I can't believe I-I --
我都没想过我所说过的 I didn't even think of what I was saying.
所以他是说 孩子们要有和他一样的帮助 So he was saying children should have help like he had.
恩 Yeah!
这估计是史上最大的误会了 This has got to be about the biggest misunderstanding ever!
我的天呐 Oh, my God!
我告诉我女朋友我想和她共享艾滋 I told my girlfriend I wanted her to share my aides!
难怪她离开了我 Oh, no wonder she left!
你能想象到 我们在想什么 Can -- Can you imagine what we thought
当你说 每人都艾滋基金会 when you said "Aides for Everyone Foundation"?
哦 伙计 Oh, brother!
嘿 我们在笑 H-Hey. We're all laughing.
对啊 我们从来没有为此而笑过 Oh, hey, yeah. We -- We would've never laughed about this before.
你们没看出来这意味着什么么 Well, don't you see what this means?
已经22.3年了 艾滋终于也变的有趣了 It's been 22.3 years, so... AIDS is finally funny!
对 是时候了 He's right. It's happened.
各位 艾滋终于有趣起来了 Hey, everybody! AIDS is finally funny!
太好了 All right!
好哎 Whoo-hoo! - Hooray!
我就知道有天它也会变的有趣的 I knew it would be funny one day!
艾滋 AIDS!
是时候了 我们可以公开标语了 Then it's time. We can undo the banner.
哦 Ooh!
哦 Oh!
Tom我正站在城镇广场 Tom, I'm standing in the town square,
几分钟前 where just moments ago it was declared
这里宣告 艾滋终于有趣了 that AIDS can finally be joked about.
对人类来说 这是多么伟大的一天 What a great day for humanity.
艾滋病传染者 AIDS quilt.
孩子们 这太奇妙了 Oh, boy, this fantastic.
艾滋也开始有趣了 I so glad AIDS is funny now.
好吧 那么你想让我们的朋友帮你拍广告了 Okay. So now do you want to use our friend in your commercials?
好 我付给你15元 Sure. Okay. I pay you 15 dollar.
15块 但是jared得到了几百万 15 dollar? But Jared got millions.
嘿 我可不是赛百味公司 我是chitty wok Hey, I not Subway. I Chitty Wok.
chitty wok可没有几百万美元 Chitty Wok don't have million dollar.
我草 Oh, God damn it!
这事全拉倒吧 Just forget the whole thing, then!
好吧 Okay.
嘿 你们知道为什么小鸡过街么 Hey, you kids know why chicken cross the road?
为什么 -因为它们有艾滋 Why? - 'Cause it had AIDS.
艾滋太有趣了 AIDS so funny.
够了 别在想我们的钱了 Well, so much for our money.
但今天我学到了些 Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today.
拿butters的体重来赚钱 这一直是错的 It would've been wrong for us to exploit Butters' weight loss
因为很多比较胖人会相信这些 because lots of fat people would've believed it
然后去吃掉大量的中国菜 而不是合理膳食 and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly.
他们会一直胖下去 They'd still be fat,
我们必须为他们破碎的梦想负责 and we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams.
是啊 我不喜欢打碎胖人们的梦想 Yeah. I don't like shattering fat peoples' dreams.
而且 我还会被关禁闭 Besides, I'd get grounded.
哦天 我应该在禁闭中 Oh, Jesus! I'm supposed to be grounded!
butters 你来了 There you are, Butters!
我爸妈回来没 Are my mom and dad back home yet?
没 但他们可能在任何时候回来 速度 你正好赶上 No, but they're due any minute. C'mon, you're just in time!
哦天 Oh, boy!
我爸妈有没发现我离开了 Mom and Dad didn't find out I left the house, did they?
我绝对为你做好了掩护 No. I totally covered for you.
他们完全相信 是你在打电话 They completely believed I was you on the phone.
好啊 Oh, g-goody!
给 我拿蜡笔画了些画 I drew some pictures with crayon
就象你在这呆了一整天 so it looked like you were here all day.
我吃了点东西 就好象是你吃掉的 I ate a little food so it looked like you ate.
我还喂了你的猫 非常好. And I fed your cat. - Perfect.
我最好在你父母回来前离开 I'd better get out of here before they get back.
嘿 eric Hey, Eric?
谢谢你掩护我 你真是我的好朋友 Thanks for covering for me. You're a real pal.
Butters 不用客气 Butters, it was my pleasure.
好啊 爸妈 Hi, Mom and Dad!
你之前不是问候过了么 你个畜生 Don't you "Hi, Mom and Dad" us, you little punk!
哦爸！ Ow! Dad!
你还不知道你做了什么好事 You don't even know the trouble you're in!
什么什么 What'd I do?! What'd I do?!
你觉得你现在翅膀硬了 Do you think you're tough now?!
回答我 Answer me! - Aah!
如果我年纪再大点 Oh, man, if I was older,
我现在就要开始动动胳膊打打飞机了 I would totally start jacking off right now.