-=风软FRM字幕组=- 翻译:路路求各种瘦 evelynjiao 校对:evelynjiao Tears
第5季第6集 Cartman乐园 S05E06 Cartmanland 双语合成 刘磊
* 欢迎来到南方公园 * ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
* 享受一段美好时光 * ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
* 友善的面容随处可见 * ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
* 淳朴的居民乐天知命 * ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
* 我要到南方公园转一转 * ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
* 把烦恼丢天边 * ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
* 阡陌交通 秩序井然 * ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
* 邻里和睦 相亲相爱 * ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
* 径直奔向南方公园 * ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
* 快活似神仙 * ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
* 大波妹子把手牵 咪咪大到我疯癫 * ♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm! Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
* 快来南方公园 * ♪ Cme on down to South Park ♪
* 和好友谈笑风生 * ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
我们怀着沉重的心情 And so it is with heavy hearts
向Mabel Louise Cartman道别 that we say good bye to Mabel Louise Cartman.
她是个善良的女人 社区的领袖 She was a good woman, a community leader,
贤妻良母 a caring wife, providing mother,
和慈爱的祖母 and a loving grandmother.
妈 已经3点半了 Mom, it's 3:30.
我整个星期六都泡汤了 This is taking up my whole Saturday.
嘘 小南瓜 快结束了 Shh, pumpkin, it's almost over.
为什么葬礼不能放在上学的日子? Why couldn't the funeral have been on a school day?
现在让我们低下头默哀 And now let us bow our heads in a moment of silence
回想Mabel怎样影响了我们的人生 and reflect on how Mabel touched our lives.
天啊 她死的时候都没花那么久 God, she didn't take this long to die.
现在让我们放飞白鸽 象征主耶稣 And now we release the doves to symbolize the Lord
将Mabel揽入怀中 taking Mabel into his arms
给她永远的和平 and giving her everlasting peace.
和平 Peace.
太好了 能走了吗 Great. Now can we go?
不行 宝贝 我们要去听外婆的遗嘱 No, sweetie, we have to tend to some of grandma's business.
该死的 Ohh! God damn it!
"我将所有的股票和债券 "And so I leave my stocks and bonds
"总价值14.12美元 "worth an estimated $14.12
平均分给我亲爱的家人" to be divided amongst my loving family."
妈妈 我想回家 Mom, I wanna go home!
马上 宝贝 这很重要 In a minute, sweetie. This is important.
"我亲爱的儿子 Stinky 我把在Nebraska的房子给你 "My loving son Stinky, I leave you the house in Nebraska.
好好照看它 像你爸和我一样" Look after it as your father and I did."
等等等等 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
"我的外孙 Eric "To my grandson Eric,
"你一直是我最喜爱的小胖墩 "you were always my favorite fat little man,
完美的小饭桶" my perfect round little pudding piler."
天啊 你就算死了 Oh God, you have to embarrass me
也要羞辱我 外婆 even in death, Grandma.
"Eric 我留给你我一生的积蓄 "For you, Eric, I leave,
"一百万美元 "from my life savings, the sum of $1 million,
立刻转到你的名下" to be transferred to you immediately."
什么? Whosa-jigga-what?
一百万? A million dollars?
"Eric是我的遗产的主要受益人 "Eric is the primary benefactor of my estate,
"因为你们其他人 "since it is likely the rest of you
很可能会用这钱来吸毒" would spend the money on crack."
天啊 Oh, my. - That can't be!
这是不是意味着我是百万富翁了? Does this mean I have $1 million?
是的 Eric 钱是你的了 Yes, Eric, it's yours.
不 你不明白 No way. You don't understand.
从我2岁起 我就梦想着 Since I was two years old,
能成为百万富翁 it has been my dream to have $1 million.
现在你梦想成真了 And now you do.
哦 Oh.
你在这儿啊 珍妮弗洛佩兹 There you are, Jennifer Lopez!
你太不配合了 洛佩兹小姐 You've been most uncooperative, Miss Lopez.
不 求求你了 No, please!
我保证再也不发专辑或拍电影了 I promise I'll never make another album or movie.
太晚了 洛佩兹小姐 It's too late for that, Miss Lopez.
行行好吧 Have mercy!
Pop!
太棒了 Yeah-ha! - Awesome!
伙计们 伙计们! You guys, you guys!
为什么? Why?
因为! Because!
Nuh-uh.
不 我对天发誓 这是真的... No, swear to God, it's true...
你说的最好是真的 Kenny You better not be lying, Kenny.
999400美元... 999500美元... 999,400... 999,500...
该死的 Dan 我从没见过这么多钱 Damn, Dan, I've never seen that much cash.
我也是 Me neither.
999900美元... 100万 999,900... 1 million.
看看 看看啊 妈妈 Look at it. Look at it, Mother.
看看光线怎样照射在 See how the light reflects
这薄荷绿的表面上 the spearmint green from its surface.
Eric 这可是一笔巨款啊 Eric, that is a lot of money.
你是不是应该存进银行 Don't you think you should keep it in the bank
而不是放在家里? instead of at your house?
我可不要存起来 Garrison先生 I'm not keeping it, Mr. Garrison.
-我要把它花掉 -花在什么上? I'm spending it. - On what?
用来实现梦想 On my dream,
自我懂事起 on the one thing that I've wanted
就有的梦想 ever since I can remember.
孩子 我是个投资经纪人 Excuse me, son. I'm an investment broker.
我可以帮你用这笔钱投资 I can help you invest that money.
不 我要把它用掉 Nuh-uh, I'm spending it.
Eric 上帝可以用它来做更多善事 Eric, God could sure use that money for a bigger church.
我觉得上帝的钱已经够多了 I think God has plenty of money.
你在干嘛 死胖子? What the hell are you doing, fat-ass?
没什么 就是把我的一百万美元从银行提现 Not much, just taking my $1 million out of the bank.
天啊 Oh, my God.
Kenny没有撒谎 Kenny wasn't lying.
你们能不能靠边站 我要去买东西 Would you mind stepping aside? I've got a purchase to make.
伙计 你能不能借我20块让我买件新外套? Dude, can you loan me 20 bucks for a new jacket?
要是你缺钱 就去找份工作吧 Stan Ha! If you need money, you can get a job, Stan!
没有寄生虫能拿走我的血汗钱 No freeloaders are gonna take my hard-earned cash.
这是你外婆留给你的 又不是你赚的 Your grandma left it to you. You didn't earn it!
不是我赚的? Didn't earn it?
那我干嘛浪费那么多时间让外婆喜欢我? What about all the years I spent making grandma like me,
我忍受了那么多湿漉漉的吻 all the wet, spit-filled kisses I put up with,
忍受着阿司匹林和小便的味道 the constant smell of aspirin and pee?
别跟我说这不是我赚来的 臭小子 Don't tell me I didn't earn it, you son of a bitch!
不 不 这不可能 No, no, this is impossible.
是啊 难以置信 Yeah, it's unbelievable.
不 我说这不可能 Stan No, I mean this isn't impossible, Stan.
Cartman是世上第一大混球 Cartman is the biggest asshole in the world.
为什么上帝要给他一百万? How is it that God gives him a million dollars?
来吧 我们去看看Cartman要怎么用钱 Come on, we got to see what Cartman is doing with his money.
为什么 你怎么能这么做? Why? How could you do this?
有那么多人在亚拉巴马挨饿 There are people starving in Alabama,
你却给Cartman一百万? and you give Cartman a million dollars?
请您在这里和这里签名 And if we can just get you to sign here and here.
你确定想这样做吗 宝贝 You're sure this is what you want, sweetie?
我要有自己的游乐园 妈妈 我确定 My own amusement park, Mother, I'm sure.
请在这里签名 Foon先生 And now you just sign here, Mr. Foon.
我做不到 I can't do it.
- 什么?- 什么? What? - What?
我不能把游乐园卖给这可怜的孩子 I can't sell this poor kid my park.
听着 我没对你说实话 Look, I haven't been honest with you.
游乐园的生意并不好 The park hasn't been doing great business.
Frank 嘘 -这样是不对的 Chris Frank, shh. - It ain't right, Chris.
事实上 这家游乐园很失败 The truth is, the park is a financial flop.
我好几年都没盈利了 I haven't turned a profit in years
因为我没办法吸引人们来玩 because I can't keep attendance up.
可是我买游乐园 不是为了让大家来玩的 Oh, but I'm not buying the park to get people to come.
你... 你不是吗? You--you're not?
不 不 不 No, no, no.
我买它是为了把大家赶出去 I'm buying it to keep people out!
你不明白吗 Don't you see?
我的夙愿就是有自己的主题乐园 Forever it has been my dream to have my very own theme park
这样我就能每天一个人在里面玩 so that I could be alone in it all day, every day.
我喜欢主题乐园 可是队伍太长了 I love theme parks, but the lines...
到处都是人山人海 Everywhere you go-- people, crowds.
游乐设施很棒 The rides are great,
但有那么长的队伍 but all the lines, lines, lines!
要说有什么事是我讨厌的 If there's one thing I hate,
那就是这些队伍 队伍 队伍! all the lines, lines, lines, lines!
然后有很多人 And then there get to be so many people
走"快速通道" that they make "fast pass."
连快速通道都要排队 So then there's lines for fast pass.
你排队买票 买完票还要排队 You stand in line to get a ticket to stand in line later.
上厕所要排队 Then there's lines for the bathrooms,
买饮料要排队 lines for the drinks,
看小丑要排队lines for kartankulas
看表演也要排队 and rare kartankula plinks.
你瞧 这游乐场是我的 And so you see, this park is for me.
谁都不准进来 Nobody else will be allowed in.
好 那我就没什么内疚的了 Oh, well, then I guess I don't feel bad.
Cartman先生 恭喜你 这主题乐园是你的了 Mr. Cartman, congratulations. The theme park is yours.
先生 谢谢您 Gentlemen, I thank you.
Kyle? Kyle?
伙计 你在这儿干嘛? Dude, what are you doing here?
大家都在找你 Everybody's looking for you.
Kyle?
你知道我今天早上怎么了吗 Stan Do you know what happened to me this morning, Stan?
今天早上 我醒来后觉得屁股很疼 This morning I woke up and felt a sharp pain in my ass.
我摸了一下 找到一个大肿块... I felt down there and found this big, sore lump...
在我的屁股上啊 Stan On my ass, Stan.
我坐都坐不下来 I couldn't even sit down, so...
所以我只好告诉我妈 这很耻辱 I had to tell my mother, which was humiliating.
她带我去看医生 这更耻辱 She took me to the doctor, which was more humiliating,
他告诉我... 我得了痔疮 and he told me... I have a hemorrhoid.
这像是你屁股上的讨厌的血管 It's like an infected blood vessel on your ass.
我才九岁就有痔疮了 Stan I'm nine years old, and I have a hemorrhoid, Stan.
我得了痔疮 I have a hemorrhoid,
Cartman却有了自己的主题乐园 and Cartman has his own theme park.
Kyle 我懂你的意思 但是... Kyle, I understand what you mean, but--
是吗 真的吗 Stan? Do you? Do you, Stan?
我一生都被灌输要相信上帝 Because all my life I was raised to believe in Jehovah,
相信我们都应该做好事 to believe that we should all behave a certain way
才会有好报 and good things will come to us.
我会犯错 但每周我都在努力改进 I make mistakes, but every week I try to better myself.
我一直在说"我今天学到了新东西" I'm always saying, "you know, I learned something today."
而所谓的上帝给了我什么回报? And what does this so-called God give me in return?
痔疮 A hemorrhoid.
这没有道理啊 你的逻辑是什么?! It doesn't make sense. What is your logic?
啊 Ow.
瞧 Cartman以为他会快乐 Look, Cartman, he thinks he's gonna be happy
因为他有了自己的主题乐园 because he has his own amusement park,
但他会发现 没有了其他人 but he's gonna find out that without other people,
游乐设施都很无聊 the rides are totally lame.
我意思是 有谁会享受 I mean, who could really have fun by themselves
自己一个人在主题乐园玩? at a theme park?
我打赌他现在已经觉得无聊了 I'll bet he's sick of it already.
耶! 耶! Yes! Yes!
太棒了! Awesome!
Ho! Ho!
好 太棒了!Sweet, yes!
请不要把手脚伸出车外 Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.
请系紧安全带 Make sure your seat belt is fastened.
好好享受矿井! Enjoy the mine shaft!
Heh, heh, heh-heh.
耶! 耶! Yes! Yes!
太酷了! Oh, cool!
看我玩得多开心 Oh, look how much fun I had.
Whoa! Heh, heh, heh.
Waa! Heh, heh.
Whoa! Heh, heh, heh.
瞧哪 是冒险岛 太棒了! Ooh, Adventure Island. Check it out. Awesome!
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
我太开心了 I'm so happy.
我太开心了! I'm so happy!
嘿 伙计"Terrance和Phillip" Oh, hey, dude, Terrance & Phillip
快开始了 is just about to start.
太好了 - 这是什么? Great. - What's that?
-我的座圈 it's my seat ring.
我必须坐在上面 因为有痔疮 啊 I have to sit on it because of my hemorrhoid.
哦,抱歉 Ow. - Heh, heh. Sorry.
伙计 忘了这个吧 Dude, just forget about it.
我们不能因为他生气 不然他就赢了 We can't let him get to us, or he wins.
你说得对 I guess you're right.
大伙们 看看全新的Cartman乐园! Hey, everybody check out the all-new Cartmanland!
我们盛大开业啦! It's our Grand Opening!
Cartman乐园有100多个游乐设施 Cartmanland has over 100 fabulous rides,
六个过山车 充满惊喜 six roller coasters, and tons of great surprises.
而最好的一点是 你来不了! And the best part is, you can't come!
没错 因为在Cartman乐园 That's right, because at Cartmanland,
只有我 Eric Cartman能进来 Only I, Eric Cartman, can get in.
也就是说只有我能坐全新的"龙卷风" That means only I can ride the all-new Tornado Twister,
一个会滑进水里的过山车 哇 a roller coaster that splashes into water--wow!
这是科罗拉多最棒的主题乐园 It's the greatest amusement park in the Colorado area.
没有人能进来 特别是Stan和Kyle And nobody can go, especially Stan and Kyle!
哈哈哈 Ha, ha, ha!
现在就来Cartman乐园吧 So come on down to Cartmanland now,
不过你们连停车场都过不了 but don't plan on getting past the parking lot,
记住 'Cause remember:
* Cartman乐园乐趣多 可惜你们进不来 * ♪ So much to do at Cartmanland but you can't come ♪
特别是你们 Stan和Kyle Especially you, Stan and Kyle.
够了 快来 伙计 That does it! Come on, dude.
去哪儿? Where are we going?
去那个死胖子的乐园 We're getting into that fat-ass's park,
管他同不同意 whether he likes it or not.
Whoa! Heh, heh.
Whoa.
Whoa! Heh, heh, heh.
伙计 太好玩了 Oh, man, that was awesome!
有一个蜘蛛会掉到你身上 That one part with the spider that dropped on you--
伙计 那个真的吓到我了 太棒了 oh, man, that totally got me; that was sweet.
救命 救命 救命 Help! Help! Help! Oh, that hurts!
救命 哦 好痛! Help! Oh, that hurts!
你们两个混蛋! You sons of bitches!
快点 伙计 Come on, dude!
天啊 痔疮破了 好痛啊 Oh God, I popped it! Oh, it hurts!
你们他妈的在干嘛?! What the hell are you doing?
遭了 Oh crap.
天啊 让我离开这儿 Oh God, get me off of here!
伙计 Dude!
Stan 我要回家了 Stan, I have to go home.
我要涂药膏 我要涂药膏 I need my cream. I need my cream!
好吧 我们走 Alright, let's go.
没错 你们快滚! That's right. You stay out!
你不可能永远把我们拦住 死胖子 You can't keep us out forever, you fucking fat-ass!
等Kyle的痔疮好点了 我们就会回来的 We'll be back as soon as Kyle's hemorrhoid is better.
我的人生还能更悲剧点吗 My life can't get any worse!
等着瞧 我们会进来的 You'll see. We'll get in.
好了 听着 Alright, so listen.
我只要你做一件事 All I want you to do is keep anybody out
就是确保没人能溜进来 who tries to get in here.
如果你们看见任何人进来了 If you see anybody on my proper-tuh,
特别是Stan和Kyle 一律格杀勿论 especially Stan and Kyle, you are to shoot on sight.
那么这工作的报酬是什么? So what does this job pay?
好吧 这确实点为难 Alright, now this is very hard
对我来说 你懂的 for me to do, you understand.
但作为保安工作的回报 But in return for you working security,
我让你们一天玩两个游乐项目 I'll let you ride two rides a day,
但只有两个 而且只能在我不玩的时候 but only two rides and only if I'm not on them.
我不太喜欢玩游乐项目 Uh, I'm afraid I don't really like rides.
但是你可以想玩什么就玩什么啊 But you can ride anything you want,
而且不用排队 and you don't have to wait in line.
我没兴趣 I'm not interested.
老兄 你火星来的吧 Dude, are you from Mars or something?
随便玩什么 还不用排队 Any ride you want, no lines.
如果你要请保安 那就给我钱 if you need security, I need a cash salary.
但我没钱 But I don't have any cash.
我钱都花在这公园上了 I spent everything on this park.
为什么不每天 Well, look, why don't you just let
放几个人进来 a couple of people in each day?
每天就让两个人进来 Every day you can just let two people in,
每人收29.95美元的门票 charge $29.95 for tickets,
然后你用那钱付我每天的工资 and then you can use that to pay my daily salary.
两个人呢 Ugh, two people!
这地方这么大 两个人没什么存在感的 This place is huge. You'll never notice two people.
然后你的公园还可以有保安 And then you'll have security for your park.
好吧 真见鬼 Well, alright, God damn it.
我可以每天让两个人进来 I'll open the park to two people each day.
但记住 如果你看到别人擅自闯入的话... But remember, anybody else you see trespassing in the park...
我不会手下留情的 -很好 I will shoot on sight. - Sweet.
孩子 你很幸运了 You're a very lucky little boy.
我从没见过感染成这样的痔疮 I've never seen a hemorrhoid so infected.
这可是能要人命的 It could've killed you.
真幸运 Lucky.
瞧 Kyle 你朋友Stan来看你拉 Oh, look, Kyle, your little friend Stan is here to see you.
兄弟 你没事吧 -我好极了 Stan Dude, you okay? - Oh, I'm swell, Stan.
我试图爬栏杆进Cartman乐园 I popped my hemorrhoid trying to climb the fence
痔疮被戳破了 然后还感染了 into Cartmanland, and it got infected.
我真的很想去厕所 I really need to go to the bathroom,
但如果去的了话 痔疮又会破掉 but if I do, it will pop again,
我会痛晕的 and the pain will make me pass out.
你怎么样 How are you?
我发现Carman每天 Well, I found out that Cartman's letting
都放几个人进他的主题乐园 a few people each day into his theme park.
我在想我们可以伪装潜入 I was thinking we could put on disguises and get in.
因为这痔疮 恐怕Kyle近一年 I'm afraid Kyle can't ride any amusement park rides
都不能去游乐园玩了 for over a year because of his horrible hemorrhoid.
天哪 Jesus.
没事 Stan 因为我终于明白了 But it's okay, Stan, because I finally figured it out.
你看 就连像Cartman这样的人 You see, if someone like Cartman
都能得到一笔横财然后有自己的公园 can get a million dollars and his own theme park,
没天理啊 没天理 老兄 then there is no God; there's no God, dude.
Kyle 别这么说! Kyle, don't say such things!
为什么不能这么说 为什么 妈妈? Why? Why, Mom?
我说了的话 会遭报应吗 Because if I do, something bad will happen to me?
我说了的话 上天就不会 Because if I do, your God might not shower me
让我痔疮感染吗 with his blessings of infected hemorrhoids?
Kyle 你不明白 是... Kyle, you just don't understand; it's--
不 我终于明白了! No, I finally do understand!
根本没有天理! 根本没有上帝! There is no justice! There is no God!
你听到了没 我不相信上帝了! Do you hear me? I renounce my faith!
好了 好了 大家听着 Alright, alright, listen up, people.
Cartman乐园开放了 但每天只准进两个人 Cartmanland is open but only to two people each day.
怎么这样 Aww!
这还是为了付我的保安费呢 I've just got to cover my security expenses.
Butters Clyde 你俩可以进来 Butters, Clyde, you can come in.
Oh!
剩下的你们明天再来吧 The rest of you will just have to try another day.
门票每人29.95美元 Hey, one park admission. That'll be $29.95, sir.
找你五分 Five cents is your change.
祝你在Cartman乐园玩得愉快 Enjoy your stay at Cartmanland.
太好了 太好了! Oh boy, oh boy!
祝你在Cartman乐园玩得愉快 And enjoy your stay at Cartmanland.
工作总算结束了 Oh, finally work is over.
终于可以去玩了 Now I can get back to riding my rides.
啦啦啦 我有了自己的主题公园 ♪ Da-da-da I've got my own theme park ♪
我现在去玩什么呢 Hmm, what should I go on now?
我知道了 我要再去鬼屋玩 I know; I'll go on the Haunted Mansion ride again!
啦啦啦啦啦啦 ♪ Da-da da da da-da da-da-da ♪
啦啦啦啦啦啦 ♪ Da da- ♪
你们在这干嘛 What are you doing?
我们在排队玩鬼屋啊 We're in line for the Spook House.
排队? 排队?! Line? Line?
我讨厌排队! I hate lines!
你们就不能先去玩别的? Can't you go on something else right now?
我们就想玩鬼屋 We want to see the Spook House.
而且我们都付了29.95美元进来的 Well, we paid $29.95.
为什么不能去鬼屋 We should be able to go in the Spook House.
没错 但它好像坏了 Yeah, but I think it's broke down.
那个车它不动 The cars aren't moving.
好吧 好吧 等等 Alright, alright, hang on.
保安 Security!
怎么了? What?
哦见鬼 听着 Oh! Jesus, look,
鬼屋的车坏了 the Haunted House ride broke down.
马上修好它 I need you to fix it.
我是保安 又不是修理工 Uh, I'm security, not maintenance.
但我也不会修啊 But I don't know how it works.
游乐园的设施总是会坏的 Your rides are gonna break down every now and then.
你最好请一个维修人员 You need to hire a maintenance person.
好吧 好吧 Uh, alright, alright.
每天就再多放两个人进来吧 I'll let two more people in each day
那我就请得起修理工了 so I can hire a maintenance person.
各位 我们又有新政策了 Alright, folks, we've had another change in policy.
我得请维修工 I've had to hire a maintenance person,
所以就不得不付他薪水 and to pay his salary,
因此每天可以多放两个人进来 I have to let in two more people a day.
但那傻叉维修工 However, the stupid maintenance person
又要求公园里要有吃的喝的 demanded I have food and drinks inside the park,
所以我又得请人来卖饮料 so now I've had to hire a beverage person
和棉花糖 and a cotton candy person,
所以我一天不得不放8个人进来 which means I now have to let eight people come in a day.
但你们要尽量 But you are to try your best
不要和我抢玩的东西 not to ride any rides that I am on.
明白吗 Understood?
好吧 进来吧 Alright, let's go.
好呀! Timmy!
等下 你是谁? Wait a minute. Who are you?
Mike Gainer Mike Gainer.
给我滚出去 Stan! Ha, get the hell out of here, Stan!
靠 Cartman 让我进去! God damn it, Cartman, let me in!
你不是说买一个主题乐园很傻B吗 I thought you said buying a theme park was stupid.
保安! Security!
是很傻B Cartman it is stupid, Cartman.
Kyle因为你都不信上帝了 你个肥猪! You made Kyle lose his faith in God, you fat asshole!
把他撵出去 Get him out of here.
请出去 先生 Move along, sir.
这事我跟你没完 Cartman! Ah!! This isn't over, Cartman!
Ugh!
终于可以去玩了 Well, now I can finally get back to riding my rides.
Sweet! Yay!
天哪 我好怕怕 Oh, man, I'm so scared.
Aah!
Ah! Aaah!
再忍一下啊 好了 Just a little more. There we go.
嗨 Kyle 痔疮今天好点没? Hello, Kyle. How's the hemorrhoid today?
很好 Awesome.
Kyle 我们今天想跟你讲约伯记 Kyle, we want to tell you about the Book of Job.
是圣经上的故事 It's a story from the Bible.
圣经我已经读得够多了 又有什么用呢 I've had enough of the Bible. What has it gotten me?
听完这个之后 或许你会有所改观哟 Oh, I think you'll see differently after hearing this.
坐好 Kyle Sit down, Kyle.
好吧 有个人叫约伯 Uh, okay.
听好了 很久很久以前 You see, Job lived in the east of Jordan
他住在约旦东部 a long, long time ago.
约伯是个大好人 Job was a great man.
他有十个可爱的孩子 He was blessed with ten lovely children,
一位美丽的妻子和很多朋友 a wonderful wife, and many friends.
他乐善好施 经常帮助穷人 he was a godly and a good man and fed the poor.
而且德高望重 He was the most upright and honorable of men.
他还天天赞美上帝 And every day he praised God.
但一天 But one day,
撒旦跑去和上帝谈话 Satan went up to heaven and talked to God.
撒旦和上帝谈话? Satan talked to God?
是的 在约伯记里 Yes, in the Book of Job,
撒旦和上帝谈话了 Satan talks to God.
上帝对撒旦说"你看见约伯了吗 And God says to Satan, "have you seen Job?"
他是个好人而且他每天都歌颂我" "He is a great man, and he praises me every day."
但撒旦说"是吗 But Satan said, "oh, yeah?
"他之所以歌颂你 是因为你赐予了他这么多 "he only praises you because you gave him so much.
"如果你没有赐福于他 "if you didn't give him those things,
他就会诅咒你" he would curse your name."
然后上帝说 To which God said,
"是吗 我会证明给你看的 撒旦 "Oh, yeah? I'll show you, Satan.
"我会拿去他所拥有的一切 "I'll take those things away from Job,
而他仍将继续歌颂我" and he will still praise my name."
于是 上帝派了一大堆野蛮人 And so God had a bunch of barbarians come in
杀了约伯的牛和驴 and slaughter Job's ox and donkeys
还有他的工人 and murder all his workers.
接着从天上降下了一个火球 Then God sent his fireballs from the sky
把他剩下的奴隶和羊都杀死了 and killed his sheep and the rest of his employees.
然后在约伯的子女吃饭时 And then, as Job's sons and daughters were eating,
上帝用风吹毁了他们的房子 God sent a mighty wind to collapse the house
让他的子女们都死在了里面 and crushed and killed them all.
约伯伤心欲绝 Job was terribly sad,
但他跪下来说 but he fell to his knees and said,
"主赐 主带走" "the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away"
然后歌颂了上帝 and praised God's name.
接着 约伯突然全身发痛 So then Job got painful sores all over his body.
每天他都痛不欲生 he was in terrible, miserable pain all day, every day.
但他仍然保持着信仰 But he still kept his faith.
上帝对撒旦说 God said to Satan,
看见没? 我早说过 "约伯会一直歌颂我的" "see? I told you." "Job still praises me."
就这样? 完了? And that's it? That's the end?
差不多吧 Basically.
这是我听过的最烂的故事 That's the most horrible story I've ever heard.
为什么上帝就为了撒旦几句话 Why would God do such horrible things to a good person
而这么去对一个大好人? just to prove a point to Satan?
我不知道 Oh, uh, I don't know.
我就说嘛 Then I was right.
约伯孩子都死了 Job has all his children killed,
而Michael Bay(珍珠港导演)还可以继续制作电影 and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies.
就说没上帝吧 There isn't a God.
因为白痴保安提议说要监视器 And since the stupid security guard needs video surveillance,
而为了付这笔钱 I have to let in two more people a day
我又得再多放两个人进来 to cover those expenses.
而为了付售票员的薪水 Need to cover the new ticket guy's salary,
又得再进三个人 so that's three more admissions a day.
还有打扫厕所 Clean-up crew for the bathroom,
装修和维修的钱 money to cover paint and upkeep.
所以 又得多四个人进来 So that's about four admissions,
所以总共算一算... Bringing the grand total to...
靠 God damn it.
今天一共可以进816个人 816 people can come into the park today.
欢迎来到Cartman乐园 Welcome to Cartmanland.
他怎么没一点好转啊 医生? Isn't he getting any better, Doctor?
我也不明白了 I don't understand it.
他自身并没有积极的去与感染的痔疮做斗争 He's not fighting the infected hemorrhoid at all.
就像是他... It's like he...
他没有求生意志了 Like he's lost all hope.
对不起失陪了 Well, if you'll excuse me,
我还得去看别的病人 I've got some more tests to run.
欢迎收看HBC为您带来的 "生财之道" And now back to Money Quest on HBC.
欢迎回到生财之道 Welcome back to Money Quest.
在短短两周之内 In just over two weeks,
一位天才企业家Eric Cartman young financial genius Eric Cartman
让一家主题乐园 has managed to turn a theme park
从门可罗雀 that was seeing less than 100 attendees a day
到炙手可热 into a thriving park with attendance in the thousands.
而他的成功之道在于 And the way he did it
巧妙的利用了"反其道行之"这一策略 was with the brilliant "you can't come" technique.
在开始的几天里 For the first several days,
这位年轻的企业家 吊足了大家的胃口 the young businessman saturated the market
宣布任何人都不准进公园 with claims that nobody could get into his park.
而这让公众疯狂 It made the public crazy.
接着 几星期之后 当公园再次开放时 So then, weeks later, when he opened the doors,
人们已经在门口大排长龙了 they were lining up around the block.
方法简单却收益颇丰哪 Simply amazing.
值得一提的是 Well, I think we should point out
这个策略已在国内 that this technique is already being applied
被商家们广泛运用 by businesses all over the country.
抱歉 本店不再接受预定 I'm sorry, we're no longer taking reservations.
没人能在本店进餐 Nobody can eat here.
请马上离开 You'll have to leave now.
抱歉 你们不能看电影 No, I'm sorry. You can't see this movie.
没人能看这部电影 Nobody can see this movie.
连我都不能看 I can't even go in.
出去! Out!
没人能进"Crazys"购物 Nobody is allowed into Gracy's anymore!
快出去! Get out of here!
太神奇了 Eric Cartman绝对是 Amazing--Eric Cartman is surely
本世纪最天才的企业家 the financial genius of our time.
Uh, uhaah...
Kyle? Kyle? Kyle? Kyle?
快去找医生! Get the doctor!
我靠 别撞我! God damn it, stop running into me!
Ahh!
Ahhhhh!
我的天哪 快看 Chris My God, look at it, Chris.
那孩子让公园起死回生了 That kid completely turned this place around.
确实 He sure did.
要是我当初有这样的公园就好了 Oh, if I could only have a park that worked like this.
你出现了 -你好 Hey, there you are. - Oh, hello.
恭喜你成功了 Congratulations on your success.
把我的钱还给我 -什么? Just give me my money back. - What?
我改主意了 我不想要你的公园了 I changed my mind. I don't want your stupid park.
但公园经营得很好啊 But it's doing great.
这叫很好? 这简直是地狱 You call this great? I call it Hell.
快还我钱 靠 Trade me back, God damn it!
成交! You bet!
我马上去给你拿钱 I'll go get your money right now.
爸爸 爸爸 我们能玩过山车吗 Daddy, Daddy, can we ride the rockets?
该死的 别挡路! God damn it, get the fuck out of my way!
他没有反应了吗 医生? Isn't he responding at all, Doctor?
抱歉 你儿子好像已经完全放弃了 I'm sorry, your son appears to be losing the battle.
恐怕是痔疮感染到肺了 I'm afraid that the hemorrhoid has spread to his lungs.
正常情况下身体是可以抵御这种感染的 Normally the body would fight the infection,
但他 他已经完全放弃了 but he's--he's just given up on life.
所以 你是说? But then are you saying...
我已经尽力了 there's nothing more I can do.
这孩子已经失去了求生的意志 Little fella's just lost his will to live.
Kyle Kyle 你不能放弃啊! Oh, Kyle! Kyle, you've got to fight!
总算摆脱这公园了 Good riddance, you stupid park.
求我我都不会再来了! You can all kiss my ass!
抱歉 请问你是Eric Cartman吗 Excuse me, Eric Cartman?
是的 Yeah.
我是税务局的Frank Gerret I'm Frank Gerret with the IRS.
在你经营期间涉嫌逃税漏税 You haven't kept records of your income or payout,
涉案经额有五十万美元 and there's a $500,000 discrepancy.
把钱拿走 Seize the assets.
那是我的钱! Hey! Hey, that's my money!
你还被指控 There's also the lawsuit
有个男孩死于你公园 of the little boy who died in your park.
他们家属有权得到赔偿 The family's entitled to the rest of this.
什么 Kenny吗 他死了好几次了 What, Kenny? He dies all the time!
你还身负13,000美元的欠款 Cartman先生 You still owe $13,000 more than this, Mr. Cartman.
我们法庭见 We'll see you in court.
你们不能拿走我的钱 见鬼 You can't take my money, God damn it!
我们都知道你的公园经营得很好 We know how well your park is doing.
你很快就能赚回来的 You'll make it back in no time.
但我... Ah! But I--ah!
Foon先生 我改主意了 Hey, hey, Mr. Foon, I changed my mind.
我要靠这个公园赚钱还债 I need the park to make my money back.
不可能 -但我被起诉了 No way, Jose. - But I'm getting sued now.
如果没有这个公园 我就完了 If I don't have the park, I lose everything.
"我才不管呢" Pierre说 我是法国人 "I don't care," said Pierre. "I'm from France."
怎么能这样! This can't be happening! Aaah!
Kyle 你一定得来看看! Kyle, you got to come see!
Kyle恐怕看不了了 Stanley Kyle's not going to make it, Stanley.
Gerald! Oh, Gerald!
医生 能让Kyle带着呼吸器 Doctor, can we wheel Kyle out of here on his bed
出去下吗 with the machines attached?
可以是可以 但我... Well, I suppose it could be rigged, but I...
那还等什么 老兄 快照做! Then damn it, man, do it!
不公平! it isn't fair!
你这个混蛋 这不公平! You Goddamn assholes, it isn't fair!
看 Kyle 快看 Look, Kyle, look.
你是故意见死不救的 对吧?! You just built me up to knock me down, didn't you?
那我的梦想呢 What about my dreams?
我的钱呢 What about my money?
Huh?
气死我了! I'm so pissed off!
请离开 先生 Move along, sir.
你在故意破坏私有财产 You are vandalizing private property.
你以前可是我的手下! Hey, you used to work for me!
靠 你个龟儿子! God damn it, you son of a bitch!
Kyle 他又活过来了 Kyle. - He's coming back.
就这样 宝贝 就这样 That's it, baby, that's it.
靠 真见鬼! Oh God damn it, this sucks!
等下 Wait a minute; yes,
连痔疮都慢慢缩小了 the hemorrhoid is going into remission.
Arrrrrr rrr!
Kyle 看 Cartman多么悲剧啊 Look, Kyle, Cartman is totally miserable,
比以往都要悲剧 even more miserable than he was before,
因为他实现过的梦想 又在瞬间破灭了 because he's had his dream and lost it.
不公平啊! It's not fair!
不公平 我想去死! It's not fair. I wanna die!
我想去死! I wanna die!
上帝您老还是在的 You are up there.