-=风软FRM字幕组=- 翻译:小皮 校对:小皮 iTunes：Tearemix 双语合成 罗小泡
南方公园 第4季 第7集 病危的Kyle South.Park.S04E07.Cherokee.Hair.Tampons.
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
早上好 孩子们 Mr.Garrison今天有事不在 Good morning, children. Mr. Garrison is away today.
我是你们的代课老师 Mr.Wyland I am your substitute teacher, Mr. Wyland.
哦 真好 代课老师 Oh, sweet, dude. Substitute teacher.
我知道这个班上有些同学 Now, I understand that some students in this class
喜欢给代课老师捣乱 like to mess with substitute teachers,
不过只要大家都遵守纪律 互相尊重 but if we all behave and respect each other,
我相信今天过得有趣而有收获的 I'm sure we can make this a fun and productive day.
就从点名开始 Let's start with roll call.
我看看 Eric Cartman? Let's see, mm, Eric Cartman?
到 Here.
好的 Stan Marsh Alright, and how about Stan Marsh?
到 Here.
有那么好笑嘛 天 It's not that funny, you guys. Jesus.
好了 Kenny McCormick? Okay, and where is Kenny McCormick?
到 Here.
Oh!
Ow!
老兄 你搞什么 Dude, what the hell was that?
哦 天呐 你不知道当你笑得太厉害的时候 Oh, oh, dude, you know when you're laughing so hard
牛奶就会从鼻子喷出来 that the milk comes out your nose?
哦 天呐 Oh, man.
你又没喝牛奶 Dude, you weren't drinking any milk.
啊？ Huh?
你得喝了牛奶才会那样 You have to be drinking milk for that to happen.
我又不属于这种情况 Not with me, man.
好了 不点名了 Alright, look, why don't we skip roll call?
这是我们今天的内容 Here's what we're gonna do today.
我听说你们班上有个同学 I've been told that one of your classmates
病了几天了 Kyle Broflovski? has been ill for several days, Kyle Broflovski?
他是装的 He's faking.
在Garrison老师不在的情况下 Well, I've been told that in Mr. Garrison's absence,
我们今天内容就是做祝福Kyle早日康复的卡片 our activity for the day is to make a get-well card for Kyle,
所以我拿来了这张海报纸板 so I've got this large piece of poster board,
大家都上来 and we're all gonna come up
用亮片和胶水来装饰它 and use glitter and glue to decorate it.
Aw.
他是装的 He's faking.
Kenny 你也过来装饰康复卡 Kenny, you come and decorate the get-well card too.
但是我不希望Kyle康复 But I don't want Kyle to get well.
我恨Kyle I hate Kyle.
我不管! 快过来做! I don't care. Get down here and do it.
嘿 看啊 嘿 你们干什么? Hey, watch it. - Hey, what are you doing?
这就是康复卡 Now, that's a get-well card.
Mr.Garrison 经过学校董事会仔细考量 Mr. Garrison, after a very careful review,
我们认为你将暂时离开教学岗位 the school board believes that you should take
期限尚未决定 a hiatus from teaching indefinitely.
什么?? What?
老实说 你的行径有点让人不安 Frankly, your conduct has been somewhat disconcerting.
你知道你的学生连Sam Adams Did you know that not one of your students
都不认识吗 knew who Sam Adams was?
谁关心那个做啤酒的家伙?! Well, who cares about a guy that makes beer?
老天爷 我是教历史的 Jesus Christ, I'm trying to teach history.
其实 Mr.Garrison Frankly, Mr. Garrison, it isn't even
我们最关心的不是你的教育记录 your educational record that we're most concerned about.
而是你证据确凿的案底 It's your somewhat substantial police record.
哦 随你怎么说 Pfft. Oh, whatever.
Mr.Garrison 上个星期你企图 Mr. Garrison, last week's charges
和未成年人发生关系的控诉- of attempting to solicit sex from a minor--
不关我的事 是Mr.Hat! That was not me. That was Mr. Hat.
我们要说的就是 你应该 All we're saying is, perhaps you should take
暂时离开教学岗位直到这起 a little hiatus from teaching until this little
‘儿童性骚扰’小事件烟消云散 "child molestation" thing dies down a bit.
先生们 教学是我唯一能做的事 Gentlemen, teaching is all I know.
是我呼吸的空气 It is the air that I breathe.
很抱歉 Mr.Garrison We're sorry, Mr. Garrison.
我们也没有办法 We have no choice.
好吧 Very well.
我想我再也不是一名教师了 I guess I'm not a teacher anymore.
你们应该想收回我的证件和枪吧 I suppose you'll be wanting my badge and gun.
Mr.Garrison 大部分老师都不带枪 Mr. Garrison, most teachers do not carry a gun.
哦 抱歉 那我可以留着了 Oh, so I can keep it then?
Kyle Kyle?
Stan 和他妈妈来看你了 Stan and his mother came over to visit you.
好啊 宝贝 Hello, sweetie.
老兄 你可以不要装了 班上新来个代课老师 Dude, you can stop faking now. We got a substitute teacher.
Kyle?
医生说是他肾的问题 They say it's his kidneys.
Kyle一直都有糖尿病 Kyle always has been a diabetic,
最近他的肾终于不行了 and lately, his kidneys have just been shutting down.
学校的小朋友们为你做了张卡片 Kyle Well, the kids at school made you a card, Kyle.
看 Look.
快 Butters! Go on, Butters.
不 我不想! I don't want to.
快 Butters! Butters, go on.
噢 那好吧 Oh, alright then.
你生病了我们很难过 ♪ We're so sorry you're not feeling well ♪
希望你能赶快康复 ♪ We hope you're better soon ♪
所以我们为你带来些许阳光 ♪ So we're bringing you some sunshine ♪
为你歌唱这首小曲 ♪ By singing you this tune ♪
大家都很想念你 ♪ Everybody misses you ♪
我们不想来添乱 ♪ And though we hate to cause a fuss ♪
只是想说 "快点康复!" ♪ We'd like to say, "get well soon" ♪
"请不要死" ♪ And please don't die on us ♪
老兄 你真的病了啊? Dude, you really are sick, huh?
我不知道 我? I don't know, I--
我不知道该怎么办 Sharon I don't know what to do, Sharon.
医生想让他做手术 They want to have him go into surgery,
但是太危险了 but that's so dangerous.
你有没有试过整全天然药物? Sheila, have you tried holistic natural medicines?
这种药疗效神奇 我在<人物>上看到的 They work wonders. I read all about it in People.
真的 <人物> Really? In People?
镇上新开了家店 There's a brand-new shop in town
卖的都是整全药物和全天然食物 that sells holistic medicines and all-natural foods.
是一个神奇的女人开的 It's run by this fascinating woman
她叫"Miss Information"(双关 误传) named Miss Information.
噢 叫 "Miss Information" Oh, well, with a name like Miss Information,
她肯定知道不少 she must know something.
不如我们把Kyle带过去 Why don't we at least take Kyle down there
看她怎么说吧 and see what she has to say?
好 我去拿衣服 Okay. I'll get our coats.
我能走了吗? Can I go now?
我不知道自己还能做什么 Mackey I don't know what I'm going to do, Mackey.
教书是我唯一会做的事 Teaching is all I know.
好吧 也许你得把这看成是个机会 Mkay, well, maybe you need to view this
一个可以做你一直想做的事的机会 as a chance to do something you've always wanted to do.
我一直都想写部小说 I've always wanted to write a novel.
这不就对了嘛 好吗? Well, there you go, mkay?
但是我从来都不知道要写什么 But I never know what to write about.
这个简单 就写些你熟悉的事 Well, that's easy. Write about what you know.
那就写你喜欢的 你最喜欢什么? Write about what you love. What do you love most?
除了教书? Besides teaching?
恩 Yes.
女人 Poontang.
好吧 Mm--mkay?
我也没办法控制 I can't help it.
我知道我有时是个好色之徒，但我只是在想 I'm a womanizer sometimes, I know, but I just think
带个女人回家做爱 that taking a woman home and getting some hot poon
是这世上最美好的事 is about the greatest thing in the world.
知道了 Mr.Garrison Well, that settles it, Mr. Garrison.
你就写部爱情小说吧 What you need to do is go write a great romance novel.
对 Yes, that's it.
我要写部优秀的美国爱情小说! I am going to write the great American romance novel.
你知道吗 我们身体不好的原因 You see, the reasons our bodies fail
就是因为毒素 is because of toxins.
毒素 Toxins?
我们吃的所有垃圾食品 All the horrible food we eat,
苏打水和肉里都充满了毒素 the sodas and meats are filled with toxins,
恢复健康的唯一方法就是 and the only way for us to get better
将毒素排出体外 is to flush those toxins out of our system.
西医来得太快太猛 Western medicine is so quick to cut and carve up,
而你儿子只需要吃点能排出毒素 but all your son needs is a toxin-flushing diet
的柠檬汁和辣椒就行了 of lemon juice and cayenne pepper.
哇 这太神奇了 Miss Information! Wow, that's amazing, Miss Information.
听到了吧 Kyle? Do you hear that, Kyle?
你完全不需要做手术 You don't need surgery after all.
请问一下 这些毒素是什么样子的呢? Excuse me, but what do these toxins look like?
啊? What?
你有没有亲眼见过毒素? Have you ever actually seen a toxin?
别以为自己什么都知道 Stanley Don't be a smart-ass, Stanley.
Mrs.Broflovski 我会给你儿子 Mrs. Broflovski, we'd like to give your son herbs
一些针对肾的药 that focus on the kidney.
是我从当地美洲土著人那弄来的上好的草药 I have these excellent herbs from local Native Americans.
噢 美洲土著人 Ooh, Native Americans.
他们确实知道怎么从精神上治疗疾病 Now, they know how to heal the body spiritually.
阳台上 "Out on the balcony
Reginald亲吻Diana的双唇 "when Reginald kissed Diana's lips,
Diana双膝微微酥软 "her knees went weak.
慢慢的 他将她的抹胸退去 "Slowly, he pulled her top down,
露出她那柔软纯洁的双峰 exposing her soft, unyielding breasts."
不错 渐入佳境 Oh, yeah. Now this is getting good.
只是这一情景 "just the sight of those breasts
就让Reginald坚硬如石 "made Reginald's penis very hard.
他的鸡巴非常人大小 "His penis was of considerable size,
附着在其周围的汗珠缓缓淌下 "and now beads of sweat ran slowly down his penis,
汗液闪烁的光芒 "making it glisten like a strong swimmer
让它像一位刚出泳池的猛男 "fresh from out of the pool.
他的庞然大物 "It was a fantastic penis
粗壮得像马腿 "that seemed as strong as a horse's leg,
但是 又那么精致 像裹在丝缎里的花朵 "yet as delicate as a flower wrapped in silk.
啊 多么不可思议的上天 "What a grand, grand penis.
恩赐啊 Diana的乳头... Diana's nipples--"
嗯? Uh, let's see.
Diana的乳头 "Diana's nipples--"
哦 文思枯竭 文思枯竭! Oh, writer's block. Writer's block.
该死! Hmm. Crap!
卡住了 算了 I'm stuck. Oh, well.
今天就这样吧 Mr.Hat Maybe that's enough writing for tonight, Mr. Hat.
哦 天呐 他看来很糟啊 Oh, my. He looks terrible.
是啊 真是个小可怜 Yes, poor little dear.
早啊 大家 Good morning, everyone.
谢谢你能来 Miss.Information Oh, thanks for coming, Miss Information.
Kyle好像情况更差了 Kyle seems to be getting worse.
噢 我觉得没有啊 他看来好多了 Oh, I don't agree. He seems much better.
真的？ 什么？ Really? - What?
他的气场比昨天流动得好多了 Yes, his chi is flowing much nicer than yesterday,
气味也轻了 and his aura is lighter.
哦 真是个好消息 Oh, that's great news.
哦 不 Oh no.
没事没事 No, no, that's good.
那是毒素排出了体外 Those are the toxins flushing out of his system.
那不是毒素 Ooh. - Those aren't toxins!
那是他半小时前吃的熏肉汤 That's the bean with bacon soup he ate half an hour ago.
Stanley 我怎么说自以为是的?! Stanley, what did I say about being a smart-ass?
不要自以为是? Don't be a smart-ass?
别傻了 只要Kyle的身体 Now, don't be fooled as Kyle's body
一直流出毒素 sheds itself more and more of all the toxins.
看起来他是差了 He will appear to be getting worse,
但实际上是在康复呢! but actually, he is getting better.
哇哦 我喜欢天然药物 Wow, well, I am sold on natural medicines.
要是能早点知道这个天然药物就好了 If only I had known sooner.
是啊 没错 I agree. - Oh, yes, that's right.
Mr.Marsh前来拜访 Mr. Marsh is here to see you.
好的 让他进来 Alright. Send him in.
哦 Stanley Oh, Stanley.
你好啊 医生 Hi, Doctor.
能为你做些什么吗 What can I do for you?
是我的朋友 Kyle Well, it's my friend, Kyle.
我觉得他病得非常非常厉害 I think he's really, really sick.
他确实病得非常非常厉害 Stanley He is really, really sick, Stanley.
上个星期他刚病的时候我见过他 I was seeing him last week when he first got ill,
可惜他妈妈决定 but unfortunately, his mother has decided
...选择用整全药物.. to put all her trust into holistic medicine.
但是我觉得根本就没用 But I don't think it's working.
好吧 Stanley 我就和你实话实说 Alright, Stanley, I'm going to be very honest with you.
你的小朋友Kyle 需要肾脏移植 Your little friend Kyle needs a kidney transplant,
否则的话 很会可能死 or it is very possible that he will die.
死? Die?
但是 Kyle 是我最好的朋友 But Kyle's my best friend in the whole world.
我知道 这种事对于你这个年纪的人来说很难承受 I know this is a lot to lay on someone your age,
但是镇里的人都对新世纪药物信心百倍 but the rest of the town is so gung ho on new age medicine
我也没有办法 that I have nowhere else to turn.
可以把我的肾给Kyle I'll give Kyle my kidney.
即使伤害很大我也不在乎 Even if it hurts a whole lot, I don't care.
你很勇敢 Stan That's very brave, Stan,
不过我已经查过记录了 but I've already checked my records,
你和Kyle的肾脏不匹配 and you and Kyle aren't a match for kidneys.
镇上只有一个人的血型 In fact, there's only one person in South Park
和Kyle的一样 with the same blood type as Kyle.
谁? Who?
哦 靠! Oh, shit.
受到进攻 上尉 Coming in for attack, Captain.
把宇宙飞船给我 Kenny Give me the space cruiser, Kenny.
快 Kenny 给我这个亚空间飞船 Now, Kenny, you have to give me the sub-space cruiser
我才能摧毁这个Gengrins on Crespus 5 so I can destroy the Ganjeez on Cluster Five.
不 这是我的! No, it's mine!
我把宇宙飞船搞断了 Kenny I broke your space cruiser, Kenny.
Ooh, ah, ow.
哦 宝贝 你是不是又笑得太厉害了? Ooh, sweetums, did you laugh too hard again?
是啊 Yeah.
好吧 你的一些小伙伴们 Well, some more of your little friends
在这里找你玩 are here to play with you.
好的 妈妈 Okay, Mom.
别靠Kyle太近 And don't get too close to Kyle.
他看起来像是有AIDS He looks like he might have the AIDS.
怎么了? What's going on, guys?
Cartman 我想问你一个问题 Cartman, we have to ask you a question,
一个非常严肃的问题 a very serious question.
好吧 Kyle有事了 Cartman Okay. - Kyle's in trouble, Cartman.
我不能眼睁睁的看着他越来越糟 I can see him getting worse right before my eyes.
也许有一个办法 你能救他的命 There might be a way that you can save his life.
啥？ Uh-huh?
Kyle需要的是一个新肾 What Kyle really needs is a new kidney.
哦 我知道你要说什么了 Oh, I think I see where this is going.
他妈妈用那些狗屁东方药物和 His mom is trying all this eastern medicine
新世纪疗法治他 但是根本就没用 new age bullcrap on him, but it's obviously not working.
Stan 你干嘛不直接问? Stan, why don't you just ask the question?
好吧 Alright.
你能不能捐一个肾给Kyle? Will you donate one of your kidneys to Kyle?
不 不 不 不!不 不 不 不! ♪ No, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no ♪
但是你只需要一个 小胖子! You only need one, fat boy.
不 不 不 不!不 不 不 不! ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ♪
老兄 你一个朋友要死了 Dude, one of your friends is gonna die.
你不知道情况有多严重吗 Don't you see how serious this is?
要我捐肾也行 Well, perhaps I could see my way to giving up a kidney
出个价吧 for a price.
哦 天呐! Oh my God.
多少钱 我不知道 How much? - I don't know.
你的命对你来说值多少钱 Kyle How much is your life worth to you, Kyle?
Cartman 你死后会下地狱的 Cartman, you are so going to hell when you die.
好吧 我要一千万美金 Yes, well, until then, I need about $10 million.
一千万美金? $10 million?
你要一千万美金干什么 死胖子 What the hell would you do with $10 million, fat-ass?
我用这些钱干什么What I intend to do with the money
不是你们关心的 对吧? is not an issue, is it?
我建议你快去凑钱吧 I suggest you start looking for that money quickly.
Kyle时间不多了 Kyle doesn't seem to have much time.
滴答 滴答 Ticktock ticktock.
走 Kyle 我们走吧 Come on, Kyle. Let's get out of here.
刚玩到哪了 Kenny 哦 想起来了 Okay, where were we, Kenny? Oh, yeah.
"快上尉 得摧毁Gengrin 穿过火线" Quick, Captain, we must destroy the Ganjeez on Cluster Five.
给我那艘宇宙飞船 Give me the space cruiser.
给我 Kenny Give it, Kenny. Myah!
哦 自由放养的阿司匹林 Ooh, free-range aspirin.
全天然手机 All-natural cell phones.
大家看 Oh, look, everyone.
这就是我们两位美洲土族居民 These are our two resident Native Americans,
主管平托和卡洛斯·拉米雷斯。 Chief Running Pinto and Carlos Ramirez.
你这里有新的整全商品出售吗 Do you have any new holistic items for sale?
啊 有有 Oh, oh, yeah.
额 这个 这个是 额 抓梦者 Uh, here, uh, this is a, uh, dream catcher.
哦 抓梦者 我买一个 Oh, a dream catcher. I'll buy one.
这是切洛基毛发棉条 Yeah, and these here are Cherokee hair tampons.
是用切洛基居民的 They're, like, tampons made with all-natural hair
全天然头发制成 from the Cherokee people.
噢 切洛基人的头发做成的卫生棉条 Ooh, a tampon made from Cherokee hair.
看来很天然啊 Now, that sounds natural.
美洲土族居民比我们更适应地球 Native Americans are more in tune with the Earth than we are.
是啊 我们深爱着这个星球 Oh, yeah. We love the Earth, man.
是啊 地球很伟大 Oh, yeah. The Earth is great.
Mrs.Broflovski的儿子病了 Mrs. Broflovski's son is a little sick.
能不能让她明天带孩子过来 Perhaps she could bring him in tomorrow
你们给他精神治疗 and you could give him some spiritual healing.
噢 没问题 Oh, sure, we can do that, man.
可以给他做个大脑灌肠什么的 We'll give him, like, a brain enema or something.
太好了! Wonderful.
跟我来柜台 Why don't you follow me over to the cash register,
先付点定金吧 and I'll take a deposit?
还有别的什么东西卖吗 Do you have any more stuff to sell?
我们想买 是啊 想买很多很多 We want to buy more stuff. - Yes, much, much more stuff.
好的 我们回卡车 Sure, uh, we just got to go back to our truck--
我是说回马车 再拿点垃圾来 I mean our horses and grab some more junk.
走吧 Come on.
再见 美洲土著人 玛雅神灵与你们在一起 Good-bye, Native Americans. The spirit of Maya is with you.
你们也是 Oh, yeah. You too and junk.
真搞笑啊 It's funny, man.
哦 Stanley Oh, hi, Stanley.
看 我给你买了些全天然牙膏 Look, I'm buying you some more all-natural toothpaste.
你说的是那种闻起来像大便 You mean the stuff that tastes like ass
又不能防蛀牙的东西? and doesn't fight cavities?
没错 That's right.
我知道你们都觉得地球和 Look, um, I know that you all think
它的自然医疗能力能治好Kyle the Earth and all its natural healing powers can cure Kyle,
...但是医院的医生告诉我其实不能 but the doctor at the hospital told me it can't.
医生当然这么跟你说 Well, of course the doctor told you that
他就是想赚钱嘛 because he wants to make money.
整合药物是源于大自然的 Holistic medicine is about nature.
233美元 $233.
一切都会好的 Stan Everything's going to be fine, Stan.
明天让Kyle亲自过来 We're bringing Kyle in tomorrow
看这两个美洲土著人 to see the Native Americans personally.
有没有可能这些印第安人 Isn't it possible that these Indians
自己都不知道自己在说什么? don't know what they're talking about?
别乱说 Stanley! You watch your mouth, Stanley.
美洲土著人被像我们这样的 The Native Americans were raped of their land and resources
白人夺去了土地和资源! by white people like us.
这和他们的药物有关系是因为 And that has something to do with their medicine because--
行了 Stanley! Enough, Stanley.
没人愿意听我的 Kenny Nobody wants to listen, Kenny.
我知道 I know.
我不知道还能做什么 I don't know what else to do.
他可能会死的 Kenny I mean, he could die, Kenny,
这意味着我们可能永远都见不到他了 and that means we'd never see him again.
Mm-hmm.
也许我一直把朋友都当作理所的 I guess maybe I've always taken friends for granted
因为他们一直都在身边 like they'd always be there.
如果有个朋友要死了 我不知道我能做什么 If a friend died, I don't know what I'd do.
我不会什么也不做 就这样看着我朋友死 Well, I'm not just gonna stand here and watch my friend die.
Kenny 把镇里所有想 Kenny, go round up all the kids in town
救Kyle的小孩都找来! who want to help Kyle.
叫他们7:30在车站等我 Round them up and meet me at the bus stop at 7:30.
Kyle得活下去 Kyle's gonna live.
第十八章 "Chapter 18.
Diana之前没有和女人一起睡过 "Diana had never slept with another woman before,
不过她倒是常幻想着这样的情景 but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about."
噢 Mr.Hat 热辣的同性恋场景即将上演 Oh, yeah, Mr. Hat. Hot lesbo scene coming up.
当Rebecca赤裸着身体躺在她边上 "and as Rebecca's naked body lay before her,
Diana情不自禁地激动起来 "Diana couldn't help but feel aroused.
"来" Rebecca柔声说道 "抚摸我" "'Go on, ' Rebecca said softly, 'touch me.'
Diana轻轻地向Rebecca靠过去 "Diana leaned down slowly
指尖在她光洁的小腹上画圈 "and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips.
感觉太好了 就像是鸡吧... "It felt good, like a penis,
柔软而坚硬的鸡吧 温暖的触感 "a soft but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch.
Rebecca突然觉得 "In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt
她被许多的鸡巴包围了 "like she was surrounded by penises.
它们围绕着她 "They were all around her,
在她脸上轻轻拍打 "flopping all around and slapping her face.
她就像置身于由鸡吧构成的红木森林 "It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises.
它们高耸着 "they presented themselves tall and mighty
环绕着 all around her with--"
Mr.Hat 你搞什么?! Mr. Hat, what the hell are you doing?
哦 Mr.Hat Oh, Mr. Hat.
人呢? Come on, where are they?
就这些?? This is it?
Mm-hmm. - Timmy!
这就是所有想帮Kyle的人?? This is everyone that wanted to help Kyle?
Clyde本来也要来的 Well, Clyde was gonna come too,
但是他说他妈妈晚饭做了玉米面豆卷 but he said his mom was making tacos for dinner,
Clyde非常喜欢吃这个 and Clyde likes tacos a whole lot.
老天爷! 好了 Butters Jesus Christ. Alright, Butters.
你拿着这本医书 大家跟我来! You take this medical book, and everyone follow me.
我们去哪里? Well, where are we going?
我们去取Cartman的肾 We're gonna go take Cartman's kidney.
妈妈，你曾经有过那些繁忙的日子吗 Mom, do you ever have those heavy flow days?
哦,当然,亲爱的。每个人都一样。 Oh, absolutely, sweetheart. Everybody does.
妈妈，还记得电影《闪灵》吗 Mom, remember the movie The Shining
电梯门打开的时候所有的血.. where the elevator doors are opening up and all the--
亲爱的，你需要的是一个吸水性更好的卫生棉条 Oh, honey, what you need is a more absorbent tampon.
比如？ Like what?
世界上吸收性最强的东西是什么 Well, what's the most absorbent thing in the world?
这个... Well...
我猜是切罗基人的头发 Cherokee hair, I guess.
但那和我有什么关系 But what does that have to do with me?
因为现在有了新的纯天然产品 Because now there's new all-natural
切罗基头发卫生棉条 Cherokee hair tampons.
棉球只能容纳这么多液体 A cotton tampon can only hold so much liquid,
其他卫生棉条也不够用 other tampons also come up short,
但是切罗基人的头发是众所周知的 but Cherokee hair has been known for ages
强壮有力 to be strong and powerful.
每个卫生棉条都是手工编织的 Each tampon is handwoven
来自200多缕切罗基人的头发 from over 200 strands of Cherokee hair
然后用这些装饰性的本地珠子绑在一起 and then bound together by these decorative native beads.
你是对的 妈妈 You were right, Mom.
纯天然的切罗基毛发卫生棉条真的很管用 All-natural Cherokee hair tampons really did the trick.
当你用完它们的时候 And when you're done using them,
他们是杰西的好玩具 they make a great toy for Jesse.
去吧 宝贝 Go get it, boy.
让我们人类的奇迹和神秘 Let the wonders and the mysteries of our people,
改变你对卫生棉条的看法 like, change the way you think about tampons.
不! 不! No. No.
到处都是嬉皮 Hippies all around me.
救命! 妈咪! 嬉皮! Help, mommy! Hippies!
好 安全 Okay, it's clear.
好 我和Butters进去 Okay, me and Butters are gonna go up
取走Cartman的肾 and take Cartman's kidney out of him.
Kenny 你和Timmy在这里守着他妈妈的门 Kenny, you stay here and guard his mom's door with Timmy.
Timmy! - Shh!
Timmy!
如果她听到他叫 或者跑出来什么的 If she hears him screaming or comes out or anything,
拦住她 好吧? just stall her, alright?
好的 Okay.
Timmy!
好 Butters 走 Alright, Butters. Let's go.
噢 Cartman的猪 Uh-oh. Cartman's pig.
嘘 乖猪猪 乖猪猪 Shh, good pig. Good pig.
乖猪猪 嘘 好了 Good pig. Shh, it's okay.
快 我们得离开这里 Come on, we got to get out of here!
哦 糟了 Oh, no.
哦 好了 我们完蛋了 Oh, well. We're busted.
不要吵 Fluffy! Shut up, fluffy!
哦 呼 Oh, phew.
嬉皮 嬉皮 Hippies. Hippies.
到处都是 Everywhere.
他们想拯救地球 They want to save the Earth,
可是他们做的就是吸大麻 散发臭味! but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
救命 Help.
好了 动手 Okay, here we go.
好了 我看看 Okay, let's see,
看来我们要切这里 和这里 it looks like if we cut here and here...
我希望不要太血腥 我穿的可是我最喜欢的一条裤子 I hope it's not too bloody. I'm wearing my favorite pants.
血管右边 Vein--right, well--
没什么有用的 Well, here goes nothing.
帮我把他的睡衣拉开 Help me pull his pajamas up.
不是吧! 肾脏防护2000?! No way! Kidney blocker 2000?
怎么了怎么了? What, what, what, what?
噢 原来是Stan和Butters! Oh, Stan and Butters.
想拿我的肾啊?! Trying to take my kidney, are you?
你真烂 Cartman! You suck, Cartman.
再烂 至少够聪明 Maybe so, but at least I was smart enough
知道戴肾脏防护2000 to wear a Kidney Blocker 2000.
该死 你不在乎Kyle要死了吗 God damn it, don't you care that Kyle is gonna die?
我在乎 我非常在乎 I do. I do care.
看我有多在乎 Look how much.
看 在乎多少钱 Look. Look how much I care.
首先 Mr.Garrison First and foremost, Mr. Garrison,
我想感谢你选择Harequin爱情小说出版社 I would like to thank you for choosing Harequin Romance.
恩恩恩 那你读过我的书了? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So did you read the book?
噢 是的Mr.Garrison 我们读过了 Yes, Mr. Garrison. We did read your book.
你们觉得怎么样? Well, what did you think?
老实说 Mr.Garrison Well, uh, frankly, Mr. Garrison,
我们出版社可能不适合 we don't know if the Harequin Romance label
出版你的书 is appropriate for you.
哦 为什么 Oh, why not?
Mr.Garrison?你知道你的小说里一共 Mr. Garrison, are you aware that the word "penis"
出现了6083个"鸡巴"吗? occurs 6,083 times in your novel?
我知道有很多淫秽词语 Well, I'm sure there's lots of naughty words.
但这是本爱情小说啊 It is a romance novel.
不 我觉得这本书不能定位 No, I don't think that this book really qualifies
为‘爱情小说’ as a romance novel.
不能? No?
不能 No.
在出版业 我们把这种书称为 No, this is what we in the book publishing business
‘同性恋小说’ like to call gay.
非常 非常之同性恋 Really, really gay.
你在说什么?! What the hell are you talking about?
书的主要内容都是 It's just that the focus really seems to be
关于男性器官 on the male organs.
我认为大部分女人读的就是这些 Well, I thought it was mostly women that read these things.
是的 It is.
这就是女人想读的 Well, women want to read about ding-dongs!
你以为女人关心的女性剖析细节 You think women care about the details of female anatomy?
完全不是 Hell no!
女人想看的是硕大用力的长鸡鸡 Women want to read about big powerful schlongs!
我看过女人阅读这种书 Look, I've seen women read these things.
她们一直往后翻 往后翻 They skim along, skim along,
直到有有关鸡巴的部分! until they get to the part about the penis.
那就是她们想要的 所以我才这么写 That's what they want, so that's what I'm giving them.
Hmm.
我也无能为力了 Kenny There's nothing more I can do, Kenny.
我已经想尽办法去救Kyle I've tried everything to save Kyle.
整合药物会害死我朋友的! Holistic medicine is gonna kill my friend.
我死的时候都没人关心我 Nobody seems to care when I die.
我的朋友要死了 My friend is gonna die.
他要死了 我却无能为力 He's gonna die, and there's nothing I can do about it.
噢 老天 他是我最好的朋友 Oh, God. He's my best friend.
我受够了! Now, that does it!
我听够了这些狗屁! I have had enough of this bullshit!
你去死吧 Stan 我要回家了 Screw you guys. I'm going home.
小心! Look out!
Crash!
Oops.
我再也见不到Kyle了 I'll never see Kyle again.
四打切洛基头发棉条 谢谢 Four dozen Cherokee hair tampons, please.
没问题 No problem, man.
到前面Miss Information那付钱 Pay Miss Information up front.
我看VH1的时候 Hi, uh, I have a little bit of pain in my balls
我的蛋蛋有点疼 whenever I watch VH 1.
给 试试这个 Oh, here, try this, man.
嗯 这是 全天然精液 Uh, this is, uh, all-natural ball juice.
哇 我已经感觉好多了 Wow, I feel better already.
下一位是Mrs.Broflovski的儿子 And next, we have Mrs. Broflovski's son.
好了 他来了 Okay, here he is.
嘿 这小孩病得不轻啊 Hey, man, that kid looks really sick.
是啊 他真得再冲洗一遍体内毒素 Yes, he really needs his toxins flushed again.
不 他看起来真的病了 No, I mean he looks really sick, man.
你得带他去看医生 You should take him to, like, a doctor.
哈？ Huh?
但是你们与地球灵性相通 But you're more in touch with the Earth.
我们与地球灵性相通 Look, being in touch with the Earth
和死亡又没什么关系 has nothing to do with dying, man.
没关系 It's okay.
我们相信你们 We trust that you know what you're doing.
不行 那小孩得看医生! No, man, that kid needs a doctor,
而且 我们不是真正的美洲土著 and besides, we're not actually Native Americans.
我们更像是 墨西哥人 I mean, I'm more like a-- Mexican.
什么 What?
是啊 墨西哥人 Yeah. A Mexican.
哦，我不知道这个 Oh, I didn't know that!
哦 天呐 Oh, my God.
你们怎么能这么骗我们 How dare you deceive us like that?
嘿 我们从来没说过我们是美洲土著人 Hey, we never said we were Native Americans, man.
是Miss Information说的 Miss Information said that.
是啊 她说没人会从墨西哥人手上买东西 Yeah, she said nobody would buy anything from Mexicans.
哦 毒素是你们的敌人 Uh, toxins are your enemy.
杀了她 Kill her!
真有意思 That's funny.
那现在我们带Kyle去医院 So now can we take Kyle to the hospital?
是的 不过我们还没有肾脏捐献者 Yes, of course, but we don't have a kidney donor.
没问题 That's alright.
如果你们肯帮忙 我倒是有个主意 If you'll all help, I think I have a plan.
啊! 狗日的畜生! That son of a bitch!
混蛋 把我的肾还给我 Okay, asshole, give me back my kidney.
老兄 求你了 Kyle需要它 Dude, please, Kyle needs it.
它是我的! 不是你的 是我的! It's mine. Not yours, mine.
赶快还给我 不然你就死定了! Give it back right now, or there's gonna be hell to pay.
好吧 好吧 给 Alright, alright. Here.
谢谢 你最好求老天保佑 Thank you, and you better hope to God
它还能像以前那样有用 it still works just like it did before.
医生 Eric Cartman来了 Doctor, Eric Cartman is here.
你好啊 Eric Why, hello there, Eric.
你看这个 You see that?
这是我的 That's mine.
我的混蛋朋友 Stan 拿走了我的肾 My asshole friend, Stan, took my kidney,
我要把它放回去 拜托了 and I need it put back in please.
哦 我知道了 Oh, I see.
既然已经拿出来了 Are you sure that now that it's already out
你确定不给你的朋友Kyle? you don't want to just let your friend, Kyle, have it?
不给 因为它不属于Klye No, because it doesn't belong to Kyle.
它属于我! 它是我的! It belongs to me. It's mine.
那好吧 Well, alright then.
你签好这个放弃书 We'll get you prepped for surgery,
我们就为你准备手术 if you'll just sign this release.
谢谢 Thank you.
感觉怎么样 宝贝? How are you feeling, bubbe?
好点了 谢谢 Better. Thanks.
你看起来好多了 You look a lot better.
是啊 看来西医还是很有效的 Yeah, looks like western medicine really did the trick.
谢谢你为了救我 Hey, thanks for going through all that
所经历的一切 Stan to save my life, Stan.
老兄 你是我最好的朋友 Dude, you're my best friend.
我不想你死在我之前 I don't want you to die until I do.
看到你康复我们也很高兴 Yeah, hey, man, we're glad you're getting better too.
嘿 怎么回事? Hey--hey, what's going on?
Kyle好了 Cartman 多亏了你! Kyle's all better, Cartman, thanks to you.
啊 这是个诡计 Huh? - It was all a trick.
你妈妈解开了肾脏防护带 Your mom undid the kidney blocker,
然后我们把番茄酱倒你床上 and then we put ketchup in your bed
你就以为我们拿走了你的肾 so you'd think we took your kidney.
是的 这个计谋是为了 Yes, but it was all just a trick
骗你来签这个放弃书 to get you to come in and sign this release.
很有趣吧 甜心? Isn't that funny, sweetie?
我要气死了! Ugh, I am so pissed off!
哦 大家都在啊 Oh, here's everybody.
嘿 Mr.Garrison 你这段时间去哪了 Hey, Mr. Garrison. Where have you been?
孩子们 我要宣布个事 Boys, I have an announcement to make.
我不再是你们的老师了 I'm not gonna be your teacher anymore.
我现在是最畅销书的作者 I've become a best-selling author,
并且 Kyle 给你这本签了名的书 and, Kyle, I want you to have a signed copy
作为你的康复礼物 as a get-well present.
哦 谢谢 Oh. Thanks?
我发誓我要杀了你们 I swear I'm gonna kill you guys!
小心点 Cartman 别把线给崩了 Careful, Cartman. You might pop your stitches.
搞什么 What the--
太好了 你拿走的是个没有用的肾 Oh, good, you got the crappy kidney.