[阳光牧场养老院]
[今日演出：马特·斯通&特雷·帕克]
你好 我是特雷·帕克 Hi, I'm Trey Parker.
我是马特 马特·斯通 And I'm Matt. Matt Stone, that is.
你个傻子 You nut.
你们刚看到我们在做最喜欢的事 You just caught Matt and I doing what we love to do most
给养老院的老人表演 entertaining senior citizens in retirement home.
大家跟《南方公园》粉丝打声招呼 Say "hi" to the South Park fans. Gang.
-我叫你们跟粉丝打招呼 -大家好 - Say "hi" to the South Park fans I said! - Hi.
接下来这集叫做 This next episode in South Park is called
"卡特曼的妈妈是荡妇" "Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut."
-也是我们的最爱 -没错 - And it's our favorite episode. - That's right.
-情节扣人心弦 -不好意思 - It's what we call a cliffhanger. - Excuse me.
-我胸口疼 我要药 -这个吗 - My chest hurts. I need my medication. - You mean this?
-没错 -跳狗狗舞 - Yes, of course. - Do the dog dance.
我不想跳狗狗舞 I don't wanna do the dog dance.
-我要药 -狗狗舞 - I want my medication. - Dog dance.
-汪汪 -很好 - Bark, bark. - Good.
这集讲述 Anyway. This episode is all about
一个小男孩寻找父亲 a little boy's search for his father.
而一盘录像却让他情贼难堪 And a videotape that might embarrass the heck out of him.
-我能拿药了吗 -学吉普喇叭声 - Can I have my medication now? - Beep like a Jeep.
对 吉普喇叭 Yeah, beep like a Jeep.
-哔哔 -这就对了 - Beep, beep - That's it.
赶紧坐好 请欣赏 So now sit back and enjoy
"马特的妈妈是荡妇" "Matt's Mom is a Dirty Slut."
-是卡特曼的妈妈 -对对 - Cartman's mom! - Right, right.
I'm going down to south park gonna have myself a time
翻译制作 YYeTs人人影视字幕组
Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation
翻 & 校 & 监 Tina
Going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind
后期 鱼骨头
Ample parking day or night people shouting howdy neighbor
蓝光终极校订 Tearemix
Heading on out to south park gonna see if I can't unwind
杰·雷诺 饰 "猫猫"
I like girls with big vaginas I like girls with big fat titties
Come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine
《南方公园》第01季第13集 South Park Season 01 Episode 13
"卡特曼的妈妈是荡妇" "Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut"
校巴马上到了 Dude, the bus will be here any minute.
卡特曼都没上学 And Cartman didn't show up for school.
连续三天没上学 Yeah, this is the third day in a row.
不知道怎么了 I wonder what's wrong.
-就是 -我们旷课去看他吧 - Yeah. - Hey, maybe we should ditch and go check on him.
快上车 要迟到了 Come on, we're running late.
我们不上车 丑肥婆 We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch.
你说什么 What did you say?!
我说我们不上车 丑肥婆 I said, we're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch.
那好吧 Oh, all right then.
-真牛 兄弟 -我一直想试这招 - Whoa, dude. - I always wondered if that would work.
-你们好 -你好 我们想知道死胖子 - Hello, boys. - Hi, we were wondering why fat ass
我是说卡特曼 怎么没上学 I mean Cartman, hasn't been showing up for school.
他最近心情不好 He's just been feeling under the weather.
或许你们能让他高兴 Maybe you boys can cheer him up.
-他在后院 -后院? - He's in the back yard. - In the back yard?
再喝点茶吧 波莉伪娘 Would you like some more tea, Polly Prissypants?
好的 谢谢埃里克 Yes, Eric. I would love some tea, thank you.
不客气 波莉伪娘 You're welcome, Polly Prissypants.
-喝点茶吧 克莱青蛙 -谢谢 - Would you like some tea, Clyde Frog? - Yes, please.
你怎么这么酷 Why are you so cool?
没办法 克莱青蛙 天生的 I don't know, Clyde Frog. I just am.
你这么强壮聪明 Yeah, you're strong and smart.
大家都喜欢你 And everybody likes you.
谢谢 波莉伪娘 你真好 Thank you, Polly Prissypants. How nice of you.
老兄 情况非常不妙啊 Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
我们过去笑他 Come on, Let's go make fun of him.
不 貌似挺严重的 No, Dude. This looks really serious.
-我们最好找人帮忙 -真的吗 - I think we better get help. - Really?
埃里克 你最酷了 Eric, you are the coolest guy in the world.
你泡的茶真好喝 This is tremendous tea.
过奖 彼得熊猫 Why, thank you, Peter Panda.
这是特制伯爵茶 It's a distinctive Earl Grey.
埃里克最棒 Eric is the best.
埃里克万岁 Hurray for Eric.
埃里克最强 Eric kicks ass.
麦基老师 卡特曼真的很有问题 Mr. Mackey, something's really wrong with Cartman.
这又不是什么新闻 Oh, well. There's a news flash.
真的 我们看到他和娃娃开茶话会 No. We saw him having a tea party with his stuffed animals.
他还给娃娃配音倒茶呢 Yeah. He was doing their voices and pouring tea for them.
那埃里克显然 Oh, okey. Eric is obviously suffering
正遭受某种精神痛苦 好么 from some kind of emotional distress, m'kay?
什么意思 What do you mean?
你们觉得埃里克最近有心事吗 Have you boys notice anything recently that troubled Eric?
-没有 -他肯定有烦恼 好么 - No. - Well, obviously, something is bothering him, m'kay?
对了 我的摄像机 Oh, of course, my video camera.
如果你们能拍下埃里克的行为 Boys, if you could videotape Eric's behavior
我就能从心理上 then I can study him psychologically
找出他的问题 好么 and find out what's wrong, m'kay?
-这样合法吗 -当然啦 - Is that legal? - Oh, hell yes.
天呐 My goodness.
你的裙子真漂亮 波莉伪娘 That's a lovely dress you are wearing, Polly Prissypants.
谢谢 你真有绅士风度 Thank you, Eric. You are a perfect gentleman.
你又聪明又酷 You are smart and cool.
对 你又强壮又聪明又酷 Yes, Eric. You are strong, smart and cool.
大家都好喜欢你哦 Everybody likes you very much.
你真好 彼得熊猫 That's nice, Peter Panda.
这肯定是我们最搞笑的片子 Dude, this will be the funniest tape we ever made.
要拍多少给麦基老师 How much do you think Mr. Makay need?
不知道 接着拍吧 I don't know. Just keep rolling.
-再喝点茶吧 小屁龙 -谢谢 埃里克 - More tea, Rumper Tumpskin? - Yes, please. Eric.
你又强又帅 You are tough and handsome.
谢谢 小屁龙 Thank you, Rumper Tumpskin.
你觉得我怎么样 克莱青蛙 And what do you think about me, Clyde Frog?
我觉得你是一坨屎肥猪 I think you're a big, fat piece of crap.
不行 猫猫 这是我的牛肉白菜 No, Kitty, this is my corned beef cabbage.
不行 猫猫 坏猫猫 No, Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!
牛肉好吃吗 小可爱 How is your beefy roast, snookums?
妈妈 我能问个问题吗 Mom, can I ask you a question?
当然可以 Sure, hon.
你知道我朋友斯坦有个爸爸 You know how my friend Stan has like a dad?
我朋友凯尔有个爸爸 And my friend Kyle has a dad?
我朋友肯尼也有个爸爸 And my friend Kenny has a dad?
怎么了 Yes?
你的问题是什么 Well, what's your question, hon?
靠 我有没有爸爸 Goddamn it, do I have a dad?
我想知道我从哪来的 I wanna know where I came from.
埃里克 Well, you see, Eric.
当一个男人和一个女人 sometimes when a man and a woman are
互相吸引 attracted to each other
他们想亲近对方 they want to be close to each other.
男人会把他的小棍棍 And sometimes the man puts his hoo-hoo-dilly
放进女人的洞洞 in the woman's cha-cha.
谁把他的小棍棍放进你的洞洞 Who put his hoo-hoo-dilly in your cha-cha?
埃里克 我邂逅你父亲那天 Eric, the day I met your father, it was like magic.
那是金秋的一个夜晚 It was a beautiful autumn night,
白杨随风飘舞 when the aspen trees were turning
第12届谷仓醉酒舞会上 at the 12th Annual Drunken Barn Dance.
我当时还很傻很天真 I was young and naive then.
我从没见过这么能喝的女人 I've never seen a woman drink so much.
你真厉害 卡特曼小姐 You're amazing, Miss Cartman.
我才刚刚开始呢 Heck, I haven't even started yet.
谁想尝尝我烤的饼干 I baked cookies. Would anybody like one?
我想尝尝你的饼干 卡特曼小姐 I wouldn't mind getting ahold of your cookies. Miss Cartman.
请随意 巴布莱迪警官 Well, go right ahead, Officer Barbrady.
真好吃 That's a good cookie.
大家一起跳谷仓醉酒舞 Come on, everybody, let's do the drunken barn dance.
接着我看到他 And then I saw him.
他是南方公园里 He was the most beautiful
我见过最帅的帅锅 charming piece of ass I'd ever seen in South Park.
他叫自来水酋长 His name was Chief Running Water.
我不记得接下来发生的事 I don't recall exactly how the rest of the night went.
第二天 我就怀上了你 but the next morning, I was pregnant with you,
我的小蓝莓蛋糕 my little blueberry muffin.
自来水酋长 我是说爸爸在哪 Where is Chief Running? I mean Dad, now?
我之后没见过他 I never saw him after that.
我其实不是很喜欢他 I wasn't really that interested in him.
这故事一点都不浪漫 妈妈 That isn't a very romantic story, Mom.
听说他还住在镇外的 I heard he still lives on the Ute reservation
犹特保留地 just outside of town.
没想到我是印第安人 Wow, to think all this time I'm actually a naive American.
不行 猫猫 坏猫猫 No, Kitty! That's a bad Kitty!
本周日 Coming this Sunday,
一场震惊观众的盛事 a major television event that will blow you away.
泰伦斯 Terrance.
菲利普 Phillip.
一部痛苦的特别电影 In the harrowing made-for-TV drama
《屁奔天涯》 Not Without My Anus.
改编自真实故事 Based on a true story.
菲利普 Hey, Phillip.
我要去伊拉克找被绑的女儿 I have to go to Iraq and find my kidnapped daughter.
我跟你一起去 泰伦斯 Then I'm going to go with you, Terrance.
加拿大最红明星 尽在本周电影 See Canada's hottest stars in the HBC Movie of the Week.
帅啊 Kickass dude,
记得拍下周的《屁奔天涯》 We have to remember tape Not Without My Anus next week.
对 好期待啊 Yeah, dude, it looks riveting.
爷爷 我们要看《泰伦斯和菲利普》 Come on, Grandpa. We wanna watch Terrance and Phillip.
我们要看鲍勃·塞吉的节目 No, Billy. we're gonna watch the Bob Saget show.
现在回到《美国家庭傻逼录像》 And now, Back to America's Stupidest Home Videos.
有请主持 鲍勃·塞吉 Here's your host, Bob Saget.
我刚飞进摄影棚 手臂好酸 I just flew into the studio. Boy, are my arms tired.
为什么骷髅不过马路 Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
因为骷髅没胆子 Cuz he didn't have the guts.
咚咚 Knock, knock.
鲍勃 Bob.
鲍勃·塞吉 Bob Saget.
这家伙真逊 This guy sucks.
跟《欢乐满屋》那个家伙一样逊 He's almost as bad as that guy on Full House.
卡特曼 Cartman?
你干嘛打扮成印第安人 What the hell are you doing dressed up
还戴个项链 like an Indian with a bear necklace?
我是印第安人 斯坦 I'm Native American, Stan.
熊对我的族人很重要 The bear is important to my people.
什么 What?
白人嘲笑我的族人够久了 The white man has mocked my people long enough.
你们他妈给我闭嘴 You keep your goddamn mouths shut!
斯坦 我要借你的自行车 Stan, I need to borrow your bike
去保留地 to ride over the reservation.
你说什么呢 卡特曼 What are you talking about, Cartman?
我不叫埃里克·卡特曼 My name isn't Eric Cartman.
我是埃里克·自来水 It's Eric Running Water.
我能借你的自行车吗 Now, can I borrow your bike?
不然我就踹你蛋蛋抢了 Or do I have to kick you in the nuts and steal it?
去拿吧 Go ahead, dude.
卡特曼比我想象中还严重 Man, Cartman's more screwed up than I thought.
我们还是赶紧把录像交给麦基老师 Yeah, we better get this videotape over to Mr. Mackey quick.
再提醒各位观众 Just to fairy remind the alll of you out there,
把你的傻逼录像寄给我们 send us your stupidest home videos.
本月的奖金多达1万美元 The grand prize this month will be for $ 1 0,000.
1万美元 这么多 Ten thousand dollars? Holy smokes!
我们要是有傻逼录像就好了 I wish we had a stupidest home video.
[犹特印第安人保留地]
熊对鹰吼叫 And bear cried to eagle.
自来水 有个小孩找你 Running Water, there some kid's here to see you.
-什么小孩 -他说他是你儿子 - What kid? - He claims to be your kid.
-老爸 -你是谁 - Hi, Dad. - Who the hell are you?
我是你儿子 埃里克 I'm your son, Eric.
我妈说在谷仓醉酒舞会上 My mon said you put your hoo-hoo-dilly
你把小棍棍放进她的洞洞里 in my mom's cha-cha at the drunken barn dance.
-你妈是谁 -丽安·卡特曼 - Your mother? - Liane Cartman.
卡特曼啊 吓我一跳 Cartman? Oh, boy, I was worried there for a second.
孩子 我不是你父亲 Look, kid. I'm not your father.
我妈说那晚你跟她勾搭了 But my mom said you were the guy she was with.
孩子 我不想打击你 Kid, I hate to break this to you,
我们印第安人称你妈为 but your mother is what we native american refer to as
"有大沟的熊" "bear with wide canyon."
什么意思 What do you mean?
她是"夹不紧双脚的母鹿" She is "doe who cannot keep legs together."
-你妈是荡妇 -喂 - Your mom's a slut. - Hey!
别难过 Don't feel too bad.
你妈当时醉得不省人事 Your mom was too drunk to remember what happened.
我来告诉你 Let me tell you.
我们跳舞跳累了 We got tired of dancing,
于是找了个隐蔽地方 so we went off to find a private spot.
我知道她想要我 I knew that she wanted me
因为她一直说挑逗的话 because she kept saying romantic things.
酋长 我要你的雄烩汤 Chief, I want your hot man-chowder.
这么直接 Whoa, hello!
等等 那是谁 Wait, wait. Who is that?
酋长 失陪一下 Cheif, could you excuse me for a minute?
开什么玩笑 You gotta be kidding me.
你好啊 我好像没见过你 Why, hello there. I don't think I've seen you around before.
-我刚搬到镇上 -你这个帅气 - No, I'm new in town. - What's a nice, handsome
黑小伙子来南方公园干什么 black man like yourself doing in a pit like South Park?
-我准备开餐馆 -宏图大志 - I'm gonna open up a restaurant here. - My, how exciting.
你介意把舌头伸到我嘴里吗 Would you care to put your tongue in my mouth?
你还真够直接的 Damn, baby, you cut right to the chase, don't you?
我喝醉了 I'm plastered!
大厨的舌头 他是我爸 His tongue? Chef? Chef is my dad?
我最后看到他和你妈在一起 He's the last person I saw with your mom that night.
天呐 我是美国黑人 Oh, my God. I'm a black African-American.
肯尼 快发动玩具车 我要开 Come on, Kenny. Get the go-cart going. I wanna ride it.
你把录像寄给傻逼录像了吗 Did you send the videotape to the american stupidest vedio?
昨晚寄了 I mailed it last night.
不过我们得忍受鲍勃·塞吉 What sucks is now we have to actually watch that
才能知道有没有赢 Bob Saget guy to find out if we won.
要是赢了 我们就买辆能跑的玩具车 If we win, we can buy a new go-cart that actually runs.
卡特曼来了 Here comes Cartman.
-好啊 伙计 -卡特曼 - What's up, homeys? - Cartman?
我刚跟西区的朋友玩了 I was just kicking it with some G's on the west side.
我住在东区 卡特曼 You live on the east side, Cartman.
你不是印第安人嘛 Dude, I thought you were Native American.
说得好像我是印第安嬉皮士 Right, like I'm some hippie Indian.
懂我的意思不 You know what I'm saying, G?
回见 我要去见我爸 Check you later. I'm gonna go chill with my dad.
我们应该拍这个 Dude, we should be videotaping this.
能再赚1万呢 We could make another $ 1 0,000.
坚持住 肯尼 Hold on, Kenny!
天呐 他们杀了肯尼 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
你们这些混蛋 You bastards!
-谁啊 -老爸 - Hello? - Yo, Pops.
小子 你这是干什么 Boy, what the fudge are you doing?
只是哼点小曲 Just laying down some rhymes for G fos,
懂我的意思不 you know what I'm saying.
-进来 -西区 - Get in here! - West side.
把假发摘了 Take that wig off.
你发什么神经 What's gotten into you?
你是我爸 大厨 You're my dad, Chef.
自来水酋长说 Chief Running Water said
你和我妈在谷仓醉酒舞会勾搭上了 you got together with my mom at the Drunken Barn Dance.
什么 没有 What? No!
我有吗 Did I?
他说你跟她舌吻了 He said you kissed her with your tongue.
那不一样 That's different.
舌吻不会让女人怀孕 孩子 Women don't get pregnant from tongue kissing, children.
-那你不是我爸? -当然不是 - So you're not my dad? - Of course not.
来 孩子坐好 Here, you children sit down
我给你解释 and let me explain something to you
小孩是怎么来的 about where babies come from.
你就会明白我不可能是你爸 Then you'll see why I can't be your dad.
* 当男人爱上女人 * * When a man loves a woman. *
* 女人也爱上男人 * * And a woman loves a man. *
* 其实 有时男人不爱女人 * * Actually, sometimes a man doesn't love a woman *
* 但他假装爱她 骗点色 * * but he acts like he does in order to get some action. *
* 奇妙的事开始 * * The magic starts to have happen. *
* 他们脱下衣服 没错* * And the two take off their clothes, that's right. *
* 互相爱抚对方 * * They caress and touch each other *
* 直到棍棍变长 * * Until the part of the man grows *
* 他们互相纠缠 * * And they role around and now *
* 气氛开始变热 * * Things are really start to getting hot. *
* 男人说我爱你 * * And the man says I love you *
* 女人说 * * And the woman says *
* 等等 我要去厕所 * * hold on a second, I'm gotta go to the bathroom. *
* 于是你等啊等啊等啊等 * * So you wait, and you wait, and you wait, and you wait. *
* 再等啊等啊等啊等 * * And you wait, and you wait, and you wait. *
* 等到心灰意冷 * * You wait and you're cooling down *
* 而她还在厕所 * * And she's still going to the bathroom *
* 终于 她出来了 * * Finally, she comes back *
* 她说 * * And she says *
* 宝贝 全身发热 * * Baby, I'm getting hot. *
* 这时你一柱擎天 * * And that's when you gotta jam her butt *
* 开始爆发* * And pump her full of... *
什么 What?
谁在谷仓醉酒舞会上这样对我妈 Who the hell did that to my mom at the Drunken Barn Dance?
孩子 那是陈年旧事了 Children, that was a long time ago,
但我会把记得的告诉你 but I'll tell you what I remember.
大厨 你好壮啊 Chef, you're so strong.
大家看谁来了 Hey everybody, look who's here,
美球联冠军丹佛野马队 the AFC Champion Denver Broncos.
我们来晚了吗 Are we late for the party?
这是什么小镇 What the hell the town is this?
大厨 爽啊 大厨 Chef! Oh, Chef!
靠 婆娘 你爽什么 Damn, woman, what's gotten into you?
爽歪歪 Whoopee!
加里森 你在这干嘛 Garrison, what are you doing?
你醉了 帽子先生 You're drunk, Mr. Hat.
老天 我要走了 Oh, man, I'm out of here.
别走 大厨 你没听过"3P"吗 Come on, Chef, haven't you heard of a "manage oh three"?
听过 但是有两个女人 Yeah, when two women are involved.
见鬼 Damn! Damn! Damn!
看来只剩你和我了 卡特曼小姐 I guess it will just have to be you and me, Miss Cartman.
她最后跟加里森老师在一起 And that's who she was with last: Mr. Garrison.
不 天呐 不要 No. No. No, God, no!
现在播放《美国家庭傻逼录像》 And now, back to America's Stupidest Home Videos.
下面这个录像是一个不正常小男孩 Here's a video sent to us that shows a very disturbed boy.
谢谢 波莉伪娘 你是我的好朋友 Thank you, Polly Prissypants. You are my best friend.
我觉得你是世上最酷的人 埃里克 I think you are one of the coolest people in the world, Eric.
而且一点都不胖 and you are not fat at all.
真的吗 Really, you don't think so?
真的 你不胖 No, you're not fat.
酷 这倒是真的 Cool, that's true.
斯坦 我们刚听说 Stanley, we just heard the news
你的朋友肯尼 that your little friend Kenny
早上被火车撞死了 was killed by a train this morning.
哦 没错 Huh? Oh, yeah.
我们能做点什么 儿子 Is there anything we can do for you, son?
来点冰激凌吧 How about some ice cream?
对 加奶油糖 Yeah, with butterscotch.
没问题 两个小可怜 You bet, you poor dears.
等待已久的时刻到了 Now the moment you've waited for
其中一个录像 when one of our lucky videos
有资格冲击明晚的 qualifies for the $ 1 0,000 grand prize
一万元大奖 to be chosen tomorrow night.
得主就是 The winner is:
"小男孩的茶话会" "Little Boy's Tea Party. "
我们进决赛了 We're in the finals.
我们会赢一万 We're gonna win $ 1 0,000.
卡特曼会出名的 Man, Cartman's gonna be famous.
我们该走了 帽子先生 I guess we should go, Mr. Hat.
再喝一杯鸡尾酒 加里森老师 Just one more cosmopolitan, Mr. Garrison.
帽子先生 你得承认你酗酒 Mr. Hat, you need to admit you have a drinking problem.
再来一杯鸡尾酒 Another cosmo, please.
你为什么一直瞒着我 父亲 All this time Why didn't you tell me, Father?
你在说什么 埃里克 What are you talking about, Eric?
原来就是你 It was you. All alone.
谷仓醉酒舞会那晚 You were with my mother the night
你勾搭上我妈 at the Drunken Barn Dance.
加里森? Garrison?
不可能 他是基佬 That's impossible, he's gay.
我不是 I'm not gay!
-那你确实睡了我妈 -没有 - Then you did sleep with my mom? - No!
-他是基佬 -好吧 我承认 - He's gay. - Okay, okay, I admit it.
我那晚确实 I might have made love to
跟你妈勾搭了 your mother at the drunken barn dance,
可这里谁没有呢 but who here didn't?
得了 说实话 Now come on, honestly,
这里谁没有和卡特曼女士勾搭过 who here has never had sex with Mrs. Cartman?
-我没有 -你不算 断腿的 - I haven't. - You don't count, Halfy.
-你根本没腿 -那倒是 - You don't have any legs. - Oh, yeah.
所以说 埃里克 So, you see, Eric.
这里的人都可能是你爸 Anyone here could be your father.
恐怕你永远没法知道 I'm afraid you're never going to know.
别难过 孩子 Don't feel too bad there, kid.
我也不知道生父是谁 I never knew who my father was either.
其实 我知道 I mean, I knew who he was,
还有过美好时光 and we had great times together...
反正 你知道我的意思 Well, hell, you know what I mean!
-等等 我有办法知道 -什么办法 - Wait, I know a way to find out. - How?
去我的实验室 做DNA检测 At my laboratory, we can do DNA genetic testing.
我抽点你的血 I'll take some of your blood
以及在场各位的血 along with the blood from everyone here
再确定谁是你爸爸 and we can determine who your dad is.
-真的可以吗 -当然 - Really? You can? - Yes, of course.
不过 检测要花点钱 I mean, the testing will cost a pretty penny.
-要多少 -3千就够 - How much? - Three thousand should cover it.
-我没有3千 -那算了 - I don't have $3,000. - Oh, never mind.
我等不及赢 Dude, I can't wait to win that $ 1 0,000
傻逼录像的一万了 on the American stupidest home vedioes.
我要买最酷的玩具车 I'm gonna buy the coolest go-cart ever.
我要买个随身听 I'm gonna buy a Walkman with my half.
-伙计们 -最近可好 卡特曼 - Hey, guys. - How's it going, Cartman?
很好 你们呢 Fine. How are you guys?
你到底怎么了 Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?
没事 只是...没事 Nothing. It's just, nothing.
说吧 怎么了 Come on.What's the matter, Cartman?
我想知道我爸是谁 I wanna know who my dad is
但要做DNA检测 but to find out, they have to do DNA tests
而且要3千美元 and they cost $3,000.
我没有那么多钱 And I don't have $3,000.
很遗憾你妈是荡妇 Wow, we're sorry your mom's a whore, dude.
真郁闷 Yeah, it sucks.
我一定要知道我爸是谁 I have to know who my father is, I just have to.
或许我去工厂做苦工吧 Maybe I can work in a sweatshop for a while
再见 Well, see you guys.
我要去后院玩一会 I'm gonna go play in my back yard for a while.
-我们知道上哪弄3千 -真的 - We know how you can get $3,000. - You do?
我们有个录像进了 We had a vediotape that's in the finals
《美国家庭傻逼录像》决赛 for America's Stupidest Home Videos.
如果赢了 就分3千给你 If we win, we'll give you 3,000 of our $ 1 0,000 prize.
真的吗 你们最好了 You will? Wow, you guys are the best.
-谢谢你们 -不客气 - Thanks, you guys. - Yeah.
现在播放《美国家庭傻逼录像》 And now back to America's Stupidest Home Videos.
-你们录了什么 -你会看到的 - What kind of video did you guys make? - You'll see.
该宣布1万元得主了 It's time to crown the $ 1 0,000 winner.
评委们缩小至3个录像 Our judges has narrowed it down to only three videos.
一 "给主人戴帽子的狗狗" First, it's "Dog Who Puts Hat on Master's Head."
我是一只小狗狗 I'm a little dog. I'm just a little dog.
我要给主人戴帽子 But I've gotta put a hat on my master's head.
二 "小男孩的茶话会" Now, our second finalist, "Little Boy Has a Tea Party."
谢谢你 波莉伪娘 你真是好朋友 Thank you, Polly Prissypants, you are my best friend.
谢谢你 埃里克 Thank you, Eric.
看来这个小孩需要治疗 Boy, looks like this kid needs some therapy.
我们稳赢 卡特曼 We're sure to win, Cartman.
你就有钱做DNA检测了 Then you'll get your DNA money.
我现在很生气 I am so pissed off right now.
观众看我们的录像笑得最大声 They laughed hardest at our video.
我们肯定能赢 We're gonna win! We're gonna win!
最后一个 And, finally, our third contestant.
"被火车撞的小男孩" "Young Child Gets Hit by a Train."
我是可爱的小男孩 I'm such a cute little kid.
我想发动这辆玩具车 I wonder if I can get this go-cart started.
希望我不会被火车撞 I hope I don't get hit by a train.
我果然被撞了 Oh, I sure did.
天呐 他们拍到肯尼被杀了 Oh, my God, they've vediotaped killing Kenny!
你们这帮混蛋 You bastards!
这才叫驾车兜风 Now, that's what I call a joy ride.
赢家当然就是 And the winner is, naturally,
"被火车撞的小男孩" "Little Boy Being Hit by a Train."
-我们输了 -见鬼 - Dude, we lost. - Damn it!
我要灭了你们 妈的 I am going to fucking kill you guys, seriously!
马什先生 站起来吧 Stand up and take a bow, Mr. Marsh.
-我赢了 -爷爷 - I won, I won. - Grandpa!
其他决赛选手 Our other finalists
将获得二等奖3千美元 will have to settle up for $3,000 runner-up prizes.
下次再会 See you next time.
听到没有 Did you hear that, dude?
我们还有3千 We still get $3,000.
够你做DNA测试 That's enough for you to do your DNA tests.
我要灭了你们 Kill you guys. Kill you guys!
好了 测了每个人 All right. from everyone's accounts,
我把埃里克的生父 I've narrowed down Eric's possible father
缩小至在座各位 to the people in this room:
巴布莱迪警官 Officer Barbrady,
大厨 Chef,
金宝 Jimbo
加里森老师 Mr. Garrison,
内德 Ned,
自来水酋长 Chief Running Water
杰拉德·布洛夫斯基 Gerald Broflovski,
我 myself,
我朋友凯文 my friend Kevin
以及1989年的丹佛野马队 or the 1989 Denver Broncos.
我知道卡特曼老妈是荡妇 没想到这么淫荡 I always knew Cartman's mom was a slut, but goddamn!
结果就在信封里 The results are in this envelope.
要不要打开 Shall I open it?
废话 快打开 Yes, for God's sake, get on with it.
卡特曼的父亲就是在场的某人 The father of Eric Cartman is indeed someone in this room.
生父就是 The father is...
谁是埃里克的生父 Who is Eric Cartman's father?
是自来水酋长吗 Is it Chief Running Water?
还是大厨 Or is it Chef?
还是墨菲索 Is it Mephisto,
还是跟着他的小猴崽子 or that little monkey guy that follows him around?
还是加里森老师 Or is it Mr. Garrison?
不 他是基佬 No, he's gay.
你他妈下地狱去死 You go to hell!You go to hell and you die!
还是金宝 Is it Jimbo?
还是巴布莱迪警官 Or is it Officer Barbrady?
什么 哪里 Huh? Where?
还是内德 Or could it be Ned?
有可能 Could be.
还是布洛夫斯基先生 Or Mr. Broflovski?
老爸 你怎么这样 Dad, how could you?
还是1991年的丹佛野马队 Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos?
答案将在四周后的 The answer is coming on an all-new South Park
新剧集中揭晓 in just four weeks.
什么 What?
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch!