那集太搞笑了 Boy, that was a hoot and a holler!
南方迷们 你们喜欢吗 Did you like that, south parketeers?
-当然喜欢 -太好了 - you bet! - well, great.
你们肯定也会喜欢这集 Then you're gonna love this next episode.
我们的最爱 It's our favorite.
名叫"汤姆的隆鼻术" It's called "Tom's Rhinoplasty."
剧中 加里森老师整了鼻子 In it, Mr. Garrison gets a nose job.
南方公园来了个代课老师 A substitute teacher comes to south park.
主角们还学会了舔地毯[变成同性恋] And our boys learn how to lick carpet.
南方迷们 You know, south parketeers.
我们之所以喜欢这集 The reason that this episode is our favorite
是因为娜塔莎·韩丝翠 It's because we got Natasha Henstridge
担任代课老师的配音 To be the voice of the substitute teacher.
娜塔莎·韩丝翠是《异种》里的演员 Natasha Henstridge was the actress in the movie species.
我们喜欢她的演技 And we loved her acting.
其实 马特和我以前经常用录影机 In fact, Matt and I used to freeze-frame a lot of her acting
定格她在《异种》里的画面 From that movie on the VCR and play with ourselves.
然后玩一个叫"我是娜塔莎"的游戏 Then we'd play a little game called "I'm Natasha Henstridge."
首先 我闭上眼睛假装马特是娜塔莎 In which, I'd close my eyes and pretend Matt was Natasha.
然后 马特闭上眼睛假装我是娜塔莎 Then Matt would close his eyes and pretend I was Natasha.
但孩子们记住 But kids remember,
如果你想跟朋友玩这个游戏 If you wanna play "I'm Natasha Henstridge" with your friend,
要注意安全 Play it safe.
这是我们的印第安朋友 印第安·伙伴 Look, it's our indian friend Indian Companion.
孩子们打个招呼吧 Say hi kids, say hi to Indian Companion.
怎么了 印第安·伙伴 有人来吗 What's happening, Indian Companion? someone coming?
有人来了 Someone coming.
-果然 -谢了 - Someone coming. - Great. thank you.
真谢谢你 伙计 Thanks, pal. thank you so much.
你还是去搭帐篷吧 Why don't you go build a tepee, buddy.
今晚就由你来扮娜塔莎 And you'll be Natasha Henstridge tonight.
大家坐好吧 Anyway, why don't we all sit back, relax
一起享受好时光 And have a rootin'-tootin' good time
欣赏"汤姆的隆鼻术" With "Tom's Rhinoplasty." yee-haw!
准备好了吗 Ready?
好耶 Hooray!
I'm going down to south park gonna have myself a time
翻译制作 YYeTs人人影视字幕组
Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation
翻译 & 校对 mttsai Tina
Going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind
后期 & 总监 鱼骨头 Tina
Ample parking day or night people shouting howdy neighbor
蓝光终极校订 Tearemix
Heading on out to south park gonna see if I can't unwind
配音嘉宾 《异种》里的美女
I like girls with big vaginas I like girls with big fat titties
Come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine
《南方公园》第01季第11集 South Park Season 01 Episode 11
"汤姆的隆鼻术" "Tom's Rhinoplasty"
-斯坦 情人节快到了哦 -我知道 - Stan, you know it's almost valentine's day. - I know.
要不我们去航游吧 Maybe we should go on a cruise or something.
我哪付得起航游啊 I can't afford a cruise, dude.
我知道 我们可以用纸箱做个小船 I know. but we can make a little boat out of cardboard
假装是航游 And pretend it's a cruise.
闭嘴 卡特曼 Shut up, Cartman.
太逊了 That is so lame!
我们可以穿上服装 And then we could dress up in costumes
假装在结婚 And pretend we're getting married.
拜托别说了 笑死我了 Stop seriously. you're killing me all the time!
同学们 我宣布个坏消息 Children, I have some difficult news for you.
加里森老师要请假一段时间 Mr. Garrison won't be teaching for a while.
他要去做手术 He has to have surgery.
你们将会有一位代课老师 So you're going to have a substitute teacher.
希望你们能像尊重加里森老师那样 And i want you to show the substitute
尊重这位代课老师 The same respect you show for Mr. Garrison.
-请说 小男孩 -我们不尊重加里森老师 - Yes, little boy? - We don't have respect for Mr. Garrison.
总之 有请你们的代课老师 艾伦老师 Anyhoo, I want you all to meet your new substitute Ms. Ellen.
同学们好 Hello, children.
她好漂亮啊 Wow, she's pretty.
说的没错 You can say that again.
好运 艾伦老师 Good luck, Miss Ellen.
他们要是不听话 就用催泪瓦斯 If they get out of control, just use this tear gas, okay?
谢谢 不过应该不用 Thank you. I'm sure i'll be fine.
孩子们 你们老师要做手术 Now children. I know you must be very upset
你们肯定很难过 About your teacher having surgery.
但我会尽量 But I promise i'll try to make things
让大家都轻松一点 As easy as possible for all of us.
斯坦 Stan?
我看看座位表 记一下你们的名字 Let me try to learn your names by your seating assignment.
-你是埃里克·卡特曼 -是的 老师 - You are Eric Cartman? - Yes, ma'am!
你应该就是斯坦·马什 Okay, and you must be Stan Marsh.
你要不要去看校医 斯坦 Do you need to go to the nurse's office, Stanley?
没必要 他喜欢上人就吐 No, he always pukes when he's in love.
我踹死你 卡特曼 I'll kick your ass, Cartman!
那你没事吧 So you're all right?
老兄 你早上吃了华夫饼吧 Dude, you had waffles for breakfast, huh?
我得承认 I have to admit.
我很不好意思来做隆鼻 汤姆 I'm embarrassed about getting a nose job, Tom.
我不敢告诉学校里的人 I didn't want people at school to know.
我骗他们说我得了疱疹 So I told them I had herpes.
没必要不好意思 加里森老师 You shouldn't be embarrassed, Mr. Garrison.
现在很多人都整容 People have cosmetic surgery all the time.
在开始之前 Before we start,
这台电脑能帮你挑选鼻型 This computer can help you pick what kind of nose you want.
多神奇啊 帽子先生 Wow, isn't that amazing, Mr. Hat?
确实 加里森老师 It sure is, Mr. Garrison.
我们可以把鼻子整小 We could go with something smaller,
就是这种效果 Which would make you look like this.
或者拉直鼻梁 Or we could straighten out the bridge,
也就是这种效果 Which would make you look like this.
-这也不错 -当然也能缩窄鼻梁 - That's not bad. - Of course we could narrow the bridge,
也就是这样 Which would make you more like this.
[大卫·哈塞尔霍夫]
-就是这个 我就想要这种鼻子 -那好吧 - That's it, that's the nose I want! - Alrighty then.
加里森老师 我得提醒你 手术有风险 Now, I must warn you, Mr.Garrison, there are risks.
你可能会变成丑陋的夜行生物 You could wind up a hideous foul shadow of creature,
丑陋到被迫生活在下水道 So terrifyingly ugly that you're forced to live in the sewers.
只能夜间出来寻找食物 Only emerging at night to hunt for scraps of food.
-我能接受 -那好 我们开始吧 - I can live with that. - Alrighty then. let's get started.
她不是在看你 傻逼 She wasn't looking at you, butthole.
她是在看我 She was looking at me.
那还用说 肥猪 Well, that gose without saying fat-ass.
她想不看你都不行 How could she help but look at you.
你们别吵了 You guys could stop fighting.
她其实是在看我 It was me she was checking me out.
直到你朝她吐 Until you puked on her.
孩子们好啊 Hello there, children.
我听说来了位新老师 What's all this I'm hearing about a new teacher?
艾伦老师 她可漂亮了 Miss Ellen, dude. she's beautiful.
她有凡妮莎·威廉姆斯漂亮吗 Is she like a Vanessa Williams beautiful?
还是像唐妮·布蕾斯顿 Or Toni Braxton beautiful?
或者像帕梅拉·安德森 Or Pamela Anderson beautiful?
还是像艾琳·格蕾 Or is she Erin Gray,
《巴克·罗杰斯在25世纪》第二季里那种 The second season of Buck Rogers beautiful?
-就像那种 -那我得认识她 - Yeah, that one. - I gotta meet this woman.
斯坦 你没发现 Stan, didn't you notice
她的左手比右手长吗 How her left arm is longer than the right one?
-没有 -她是长短手 - No. - Well, it is!
那没关系 大家都听说过 That's okay. You know what they say about
长短手女人的那种传言吧 women with one arm longer than the other.
没错 That's right.
你们有注意到她脖子后面的那个痣吗 Did you notice that mole on the back of her neck
而且上面还有长毛 with hair growing out of it?
那没关系 背后有个长毛痣的女人 That's okay. You know what they say about
是神马样的 我想大家 women with the mole on the back of their necks
都明白的吧 with hair growing out of it.
斯坦 我们还是情侣 对吧 Stan, we're still valentines, right?
当然 温蒂 随便啦 Sure Wendy, whatever.
我们应该给艾伦老师买情人节礼物 Hey, we should buy miss Ellen Valentine's day presents.
好啊 我们今晚就去商场买吧 Yeah, we'll go to the mall tonight.
我要给她买个吸尘器 I'm gonna buy her a vacuum cleaner.
妞儿们都爱吸尘器 Chicks love vacuum cleaners.
* 昨日恋情历历在目 * * I remember when we fell in love *
* 甜美时刻永恒不变 * * The moments that we shared were timeless *
* 无需明说 * * Saw it in the wind *
* 相顾而知 * * knew it in a glance *
* 歌声勾起阵阵回忆 * * the songs we sang were simple reminders *
* 我无法停止 * * I can't stop now *
* 我的心在跳 * * My heart's awake *
* 我多想伸手 * * I feel your arms *
* 挽你的双臂 * * My arms to take *
* 或许爱依旧 * * I must have changed *
* 只是人已变 * * Even when love is the same *
天啊 有人愿意下课后 Goodness. would anybody mind
帮我清理黑板擦吗 cleaning my eraser after class?
我 我 我 Me, me, me!
你们真幼稚 有点八岁小孩的样子好不好 You guys are so immature! Act like 8-year-olds.
-斯坦 你愿意帮我吗 -乐意之至 - Stan, how about you? - I'd love to.
孩子们 现在来复习乘法表 Now children, let's review our multiplication tables.
-卡特曼 -什么是乘法表 - Cartman? - What's a multiplication table?
加里森老师没有教你们乘法吗 Didn't Mr. Garrison teach multiplication?
那他走之前教到哪里 Well, where did he leave off?
我们在学为什么耶思敏·布里奇会跟 We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth is going out with
[美国女演员]
《少年龙虎队》里的理查·葛里科在一起 that Richard Grieco guy that used to be on 21 Jump Street
那男的后来有过自己的节目 but then he got his own show for just a little while.
-大家好啊 -有事吗 - Oh, hello. - Can i help you?
-我是大厨 -然后呢 - I'm Chef. - And?
我来是因为小凯尔 I just uh... i stopped by cause
把洗衣粉忘在操场上了 little Kyle forgot his laundry detergent on the playground.
-我的洗衣粉? -那不是凯尔的 - My laundry detergent? - That's not Kyle's...
小屁孩老是把洗衣粉乱放 Crazy cracker's always leaving detergent all over the place.
你叫什么名字来着 What was your name again?
大厨要下手了 Chef's moving in on Ms. Ellen.
我是代课老师 I'm the substitute.
我可以肯定 世上无人能替代你 Well, I'm sure there's no substitute for you.
承您吉言 大厨先生 如果你没事了 That's very nice, Mr. Chef. now, if you're finished
* 你的地位无人能替 * * Nobody could take your place *
* 你的美貌无人能比 * * No way they could match your face, no *
* 你的魅力无人能敌 * * You've got it going on in a way so clear *
* 我只想请你喝一杯 * * I just want to buy you a beer *
* 要不今晚七点半 * * Uh maybe tonight, at 7:30 or something I could uh *
* 我开车来接你 * * come by and uh, Pick you up in my car *
* 无可替代 * * No substitute *
* 没有人能替代你 * * No substitute for you *
* 无可替代 * * No substitute *
* 宝贝 世上 * * No, baby, there's *
* 没有人能替代你 * * No substitute for you girl *
* 没有人能替代你 * * No substitute for you now *
* 这是真的 * * You know that it's true *
* 无可替代 * * No substitute *
* 世上没有人能替代你 * * There's just, no substitute for you *
-我们真得学这招啊 兄弟 -没错 - We've got to learn how to do this, dude. - Yup.
真让人心花怒放 大厨先生 That was enthralling, Mr. Chef.
但是我可以接着教课了吗 But could i get back to teaching now?
只要你同意跟我共进晚餐 If we could have dinner tonight.
好吧 大厨 Fine, Chef.
让我先教书 免得我被炒 好吗 just let me do my job before i get fired.
糟了 大厨要跟艾伦老师上床了 Oh, weak. Chef's gonna make love to Miss Ellen!
什么 What?
加里森先生 加里森先生 Mr. garrison? Mr. Garrison?
这 这是哪里 Where...where am i?
手术结束了 加里森先生 The operation is over, Mr. Garrison.
我觉得好虚弱 我看来如何呢 I feel weak. How do i look?
-您看起来棒极了 -我感觉有点反胃 - You look great. - I feel kind of nauseous.
是的 那是正常现象 Yes. that's to be expected.
我们做了些重大的重建手术 We did major reconstruction
锯了些骨头 sawed through some bone,
弄断了些软骨 Snapped some cartilage.
血肉横飞 All the blood and mucus,
只听到骨头与肌肉分离的声音 just the sound of bone and sinew coming apart.
对了 你看过电影《超时空接触》吗 By the way, did you ever see that movie Contact?
别提了 那是超级大烂片 Oh stop! That movie was terrible!
真是抱歉 加里森先生 I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison.
您还是先休息吧 Why don't you get some rest?
我晚点会再来看您 I'll check on you a little later.
我等了整部电影看那个外星人 I waited through that entire movie to see the alien
结果是她的操蛋老爸 And it was her god damn father.
孩子们 回家记得写作业 Okay, kids. Remember your homework.
有很多进度要赶上呢 We have a lot of catching up to do.
再见 艾伦老师 Goodbye, Miss Ellen.
卡特曼 省省你的马屁吧 Stop kissing ass, Cartman.
我不是在拍马屁 你个贱货 I'm not kissing ass, you stupid slut!
艾伦老师 我可以跟您谈谈吗 Miss Ellen, can i talk to you?
没问题 温蒂 Of course, Wendy.
我实在没法不注意到 I couldn't help but notice
你对我的男友斯坦有爱意 you've taken a liking to my boyfriend, Stan.
你们每个人我都爱啊 I've taken a liking to all of you.
你们又小又可爱又活泼 You're all so young and cute and full of life.
我可以跟您说件事吗 艾伦老师 Can I tell you something, Miss Ellen?
没问题啊 温蒂 Of course, Wendy.
-别他妈跟我对着干 -什么 - Don't fuck with me! - What?
你听到我说的了 You heard me.
离我的男人远点 你个骚货 Stay away from my man, bitch
不然小心我刀下不留人 Or I'll whup your sorry ass back to last year!
再见 艾伦老师 Bye, Miss Ellen!
我十分感谢你们这些可爱的孩子 I certainly want to thank all you lovely children
送我这些礼物 for the presents you bought me.
好美的围巾 谢谢你 凯尔 What a delightful scarf! Thank you, Kyle.
傻逼礼物 傻逼礼物 Loser gift, loser gift.
这个是肯尼送的 And here's one from Kenny.
真谢谢你 肯尼 Thank you very much, Kenny.
一条看上去很美味的香肠 This is a very scrumptious-iooking sausage.
好漂亮的闹钟 谢谢你 斯坦 And what a nice alarm clock! Thank you, Stan.
还有一个是温蒂送的 And here's another present, from Wendy.
怎么有个死动物 谢谢你 温蒂 Why, it's a dead animal. Thank you, Wendy.
-她最喜欢我的礼物 -你的礼物呢 卡特曼 - She liked mine the best. - Where's your present, Cartman?
我给艾伦老师买了个巧克力派 I got Miss Ellen a chocolate pie,
不过我忘了带来 but I left it at home.
好了 孩子们 我们现在有个拼字小考 Okay, kids, we're gonna take a spelling test now.
不过作为额外的奖励 But as an extra incentive, I'm gonna take
我会带考最高分的同学去共进晚餐 Whoever gets the highest score on the quiz out to dinner.
晕 真希望我会拼字 Oh, man. I wish I knew how to spell.
开始之前大家还有问题吗 Are there any questions before we begin?
-是的 温蒂 -当人老到你这个年纪 - Yes, Wendy? - When someone gets as old as you
是不是都会穿成人尿布 do they have to wear Depend undergarments?
兄弟 我考了高分 Dude, I aced that test.
我肯定能跟艾伦老师共进晚餐 I'm gonna win that dinner with Miss Ellen.
你别做梦了 我基本上一题都没错 No, you're not. I don't think I missed any.
-好啊 斯坦 -我打赌 我考了满分 - Hi, Stan. - I bet I scored 100.
-好啊 斯坦 -好啊 温蒂 - Hi, Stan! - Oh, hi, Wendy.
我刚在厕所里 I was just in the bathroom.
看到艾伦老师 And Miss Ellen was in there
拉了一泡我这辈子看过最大的屎 taking the biggest dump i've ever seen.
-她才没有呢 -有 她有的 - No, she wasn't. - Yes, she was!
那是不可能的事 That's impossible.
她有 而且她的屁奇臭无比 Well, she did. And she has horrible gas too.
她说她无法控制 She says she can't control it.
味道就像烈日下腐烂的小牛 It smelled like a dead calf rotting in the hot sun.
帅呆了 Oh, cool.
温蒂 说认真的 Wendy, seriously.
你的嫉妒也该消停了 You need to stop with this jealousy thing.
对 你简直像个疯子 温蒂 Yeah, you're acting like a freak, Wendy.
不 我才没有 No, I'm not acting like a freak!
我操 谁能让这疯婆子正常点 Damn, man. Someone's gotta pull that monkey out of her ass.
-你们好啊 -好啊 大厨 - Hello there childrean. - Hey, Chef.
-约会得怎么样 -不太好 - How did your date go? - Not too good.
怎么了 你们两个没上床吗 What happened? Didn't you make sweet love to her?
不 不 不 她不是那种人 No, no, no, she's not like that.
是这样的 You see?
该怎么说呢 How do i put this?
孩子们 艾伦老师不是我们这一号人 Children, Miss Ellen doesn't exactly play for the right team.
换句话来说 孩子们 In other words, children.
她不是异性恋 She's not a member of the heterosexual persuasion.
还不懂吗 Don't you understand?
-她是个蕾丝边[女同性恋] -什么边 - She's a lesbian. - a what-bian?
-老百姓吗 -你们不知道什么是蕾丝边吗 -A plebeian? - You boys don't know what a lesbian is?
肯尼知道吗 Kenny?
-大厨 给我们解释下 -算了 - No, explain it to us, Chef. - That's okay.
你们只要知道艾伦老师是蕾丝边 Look, all you need to know is Miss Ellen's a lesbian
也就是说 她只爱其他蕾丝边 And that means she only likes other lesbians.
走吧 孩子们 你们挡到大家路了 Now move along, children. you're holding up the line.
糟糕 兄弟 她只喜欢其他蕾丝边啊 Weak, dude! She only likes other lesbians?
兄弟 如果她只喜欢其他蕾丝边 Hey, man. if she only likes other lesbians,
-那我们也变成蕾丝边不就行了 -对呀 - then all we gotta do is become lesbians too. - Hey, yeah.
你们知道吗 You guys, you know what?
我祖母是荷兰与爱尔兰混血儿 My grandma was Dutch-Irish
而我祖父就是蕾丝边 and my grandpa was lesbian.
说明我有四分之一蕾丝边血统 That makes me a quarter Lesbian.
你只是嘴上逞强而已 卡特曼 You're just saying that, Cartman.
-是啊 你才不是蕾丝边 死胖子 -我是 - Yeah, you're not a Lesbian, fat ass. - I am too!
-好了 就剩一点绷带了 -看来如何呢 - Okay, only a few more bandages to go. - Well?
你自己看吧 Take a look for yourself.
哇 这鼻子整得太帅了 Wow, that's a pretty good nose job.
你觉得如何呢 帽子先生 What do you think, Mr. Hat?
我觉得看起来挺好的 I think it looks great.
对 术后肿胀消了 Yes, I think once the swelling gose down,
就能明显看出差异了 You'll really notice the difference.
你在搞什么啊 卡特曼 What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
我妈说想变成蕾丝边 My mom said if you want to become a Lesbian
就得舔地毯 You have to lick carpet.
-真的吗 -我有张靛蓝女孩组合的唱片 - Really? - Well, I got an indiglo girls cd.
唱片店的人说是部神作 The guy at the record store said it's perfect.
我买了双超帅的勃肯鞋 And I got these killer birkenstocks.
这根本狗屁不通 This is a bunch of crap.
我已经舔了三小时了 I've been licking this carpet for 3 hours,
还是没有蕾丝边的感觉 And I still don't feel like a lesbian!
[背景音乐：Andy Gibb的Shadow Dancing]
-你好啊 坎贝儿小姐 -你好啊 加里森老师 - Hi, Mrs. Kimball. - Howdy, Mr. Garrison.
宝贝 你好像不一样了 Say, honey, you look kind of different.
-真的吗 -是剪了头发吗 - Really? - Did you get a haircut?
没有 不过谢谢你的关心 No, but thanks for asking.
给我电话 电话本上能找到我 Call me. I'm in the book.
哇 帽子先生 Wow, Mr. Hat.
整鼻的好处比我想象中好多了 Having a nose job is even better than I thought.
满世界的美女等着我们垂青呢 A whole world of opportunity is opening up in front of us.
-谢谢你愿意过来 贝贝 -不用谢 温蒂 - Thanks for coming over, Bebe. - That's okay, Wendy.
我带了你要的化妆盒 I brought my makeup kit like you asked me.
我们今天要干嘛 What are we doing anyway?
那个老八婆不抢走我的一切 That mean old substitute isn't gonna stop
是不愿意善罢甘休的 贝贝 until she takes everything from me, Bebe.
-真的吗 -真的 - Really? - Yeah.
其实我想把她塞进一个火箭里 What I'd really like to do is load her into a rocket
然后把她射到太阳上去 and have her shot into the center of the sun.
不过 我选择让斯坦重新注意到我 But instead, I'll just get Stan to notice me again.
-贝贝 我要改头换面 -行啊 - Bebe, I need a makeover. - Oh, cool.
我等不及让艾伦老师 I can't wait for Miss Ellen to
看我这个铁铮铮的蕾丝边 see what a raging lesbian I am.
我是个比你更强的蕾丝边 I'm a better lesbian than you.
才不是 你只是比我更胖的蕾丝边 No, you're a fatter lesbian than me.
去你们的 我才是蕾丝边之王 Screw you guys, I'm king lesbian.
那是温蒂·苔丝博格吗 Wow, is that Wendy Testaburger?
大家好 Hi guys, what's up?
温蒂就像艾尔顿《油脂》强海报里的妞儿 Wow, Wendy looks like that chick from Grease, Elton John.
-早啊 温蒂 -早啊 斯坦 - Wow. hi, Wendy. - Oh hi, Stan.
-这方法应该奏效了 贝贝 -是啊 - I think it worked, bebe. - Yeah.
-早啊 孩子们 -哇 - Good morning, children. - Wow!
-我操 真辣 -是啊 - Dang, that's nice. - Yeah!
温蒂 你也穿黑皮衣啊 Wendy, you wore black leather too.
-我们就像姐妹 -去死吧 - We're like sisters. - Die!
孩子们 我改完你们的考卷了 All right, kids. I finished grading your papers.
得到最高分的同学是... The person with the highest score is...
好啊 孩子们 Hello there, children.
-我操 加里森老师回来了 -真是糟透了 - Oh, no, Mr. garrison's back. - Weak, dude!
太好了 加里森老师回来了 Hooray! Hooray for Mr. Garrison!
他回来了 He's back.
加里森老师回来了 Mr. Garrison is back!
永别啦 代课妞 So long, substitute.
滚的时候小心别被门撞到 Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out now.
孩子们 我有一件重要的事情要宣布 Children, I have a very important announcement to make.
我要辞掉老师这份工作 I'm quitting my job as a teacher.
-什么 -很奇怪 - What? - It's strange,
我突然对自己充满自信 but suddenly i feel really confident about myself.
所以我决定不当老师了 And I've decided to quit teaching
去追求我一直梦寐以求的事情 and do what I've always dreamed doing,
-跟性感美女厮混 -你不能这么做 - hang out and screw hot chicks. - You can't.
不过好消息是 But the good new is,
我已经跟维多利亚校长谈过了 I've already talked to principal Victoria about it.
艾伦老师可以留下来做正式老师 And Miss Ellen can stay on as your permanent teacher.
-真的吗 -是的 你愿意留下吗 - Really? - That's right. will you stay?
-当然了 -不 不 - Well, sure. - No! no!
对了 孩子们 Oh, by the way, kids.
班上小考最高分 能跟我 The person who scored highest on the quiz
一起共进晚餐的人 and gets to have dinner on me...
是斯坦 is Stan.
-爽歪了 -不 不 - Kick-ass. - No! no!
温蒂 我差点忘了告诉你 Oh, and Wendy. I almost forgot.
办公室刚才接到电话 你的祖母去世了 We just got a call in the office. Your grandma just died.
今天真是刺激啊 Oh my, what an exciting day.
[诚招模特]
非常好 宝贝 感觉非常好 Great, baby. you're looking great.
我是个女性杀手 帽子先生 I'm a lady-killer, Mr. Hat.
说得太对了 加里森先生 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
好 再拍几百张就搞定了 Okay, just a few hundred more shots and we'll be done.
-几百张吗 -模特的生活就是这样 宝贝 - A few hundred? - That's the life of a model, baby.
-天啊 那我得再吸点海洛因 -没问题 - Oh boy, I'm gonna need some more smack. - You got it!
我很高兴我们能共进晚餐 斯坦 I'm very glad we could have dinner together, Stanley.
我希望你明白 我非常重视你们的教育 I want you to know that I really care about your education.
-我们在做爱吗 -你说什么 - Are we making love now? - Excuse me?
这里没有壁炉 They don't have fireplace here.
我们应该还没有做爱 We shouldn't be making love yet.
你在说什么啊 What are you talking about?
我们得在火堆旁做爱 We have to make love down by the fire.
大厨一直都是这么说的 That's what Chef always says.
斯坦 我是你的老师好吗 Stan, I'm your teacher, okay?
我们只是朋友 We're only friends.
-为什么 -首先 你还只有八岁 - But why? - First of all, you're 8.
-因为我不是蕾丝边吧 -天啊 - It's because I'm not a lesbian, isn't it? - Oh, boy.
结束了 我放弃 It's over. I give up.
帽子先生 你听我说 Boy, I'll tell you something, Mr. Hat.
当个性感帅哥一开始还挺好玩的 Being hot and sexy is fun for a while,
可是很快就开始闷了 but it sure does get boring.
说得正是 加里森先生 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
我靠 What the?
等等 住手 Whoa! Hey, wait, wait!
帽子先生 你自救吧 Mr. hat, save yourself!
你跟艾伦老师的约会怎么样 So how'd your date with Miss Ellen go?
你们做爱了吗 Did you make love?
-应该做了 -不是吧 - I think so. - No way!
-是的 -在火堆旁吗 - yup. - Down by the fire?
是的 Yup.
什么 Did I what?
早安 孩子们 Good morning, children.
艾伦老师 我能跟你说两句吗 Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?
可以 不过能在下课后说吗 温蒂 Sure, but can it wait till after class, Wendy?
不用 我只想为我这几天的行为道歉 No, I just have to apologize for the way I've been acting.
-没关系的 温蒂 -不 有关系 - That's okay, Wendy. - No, it's not.
既然你会留下当老师 Since you're here to stay,
我希望我们能当朋友 I just hope we can be friends.
温蒂 能那样当然最好了 Well, I would love that, Wendy.
我也想向大家道歉 And I want to apologize to everybody.
我的所作所为是错的 我学到教训了 The way I acted was wrong, and I've learned from it.
我只希望斯坦跟艾伦老师 I just wish Stan and Miss Ellen
能成为世上最幸福的情侣 will have all the happiness in the world.
温蒂 我跟斯坦之间没什么的 Wendy, there's nothing between me and Stan.
我们听说的可不是这样 That's not what we just heard.
帽子先生 我讨厌这样 Mr. hat, I hate this.
真希望我没去整过鼻子 I wish I'd never had a nose job.
恨死我这张帅气的脸了 恨死了 Damn this beautiful face of mine. Damn it to hell!
我们得再做一次手术 帽子先生 We have to get the surgery again, Mr. Hat.
我想要变回原来的我 I wanna be the old me again.
好的孩子们 我们接续学习草书 Okay, children. Let's catch up on our cursive handwriting.
-趴下 所有人都趴下 -搞毛啊 - Down! down! Everybody down! - What the hell?
艾伦小姐 别来无恙 So we meet again, Miss Ellen.
这位先生 这是怎么一回事 And just what is going on here, mister?
我是伟大的伊拉克帝国的使者 I am hakeem kurashki of the mighty nation of Iraq.
-这女人是叛国贼 -你骗人 - This woman is a traitor to our government. - It's a lie!
她是个杀人不眨眼的杀人魔 She has killed thousands and will kill again,
我保证她会再犯的 I assure you.
-艾伦老师 这是真的吗 -不是啊 - Miss Ellen, is this true? - No!
我们得即刻把她押回伊拉克 We must take her back to Iraq immediately!
-帅呆了 -维多利亚校长 救我啊 - Oh, cool! - Principal Victoria, please.
这张是艾伦小姐跟我们头头的黑白相片 Here is a black and white photo Miss Ellen with our leader.
她的本名是马克西·阿拉克·马卡拉克西 Her name is Makesh Alaq Makarakesh.
好啊 马卡拉克西小姐 Well, Miss Makarakesh.
看来你确实对我们不老实 You certainly tried to put one over on us, boy howdy.
-把她带走 -不 放开我 - Take her away! - No, get away from me!
-天啊 她杀了肯尼 -你个混账 - Oh, my God, she killed Kenny! - You bastard!
哇 真是讽刺啊 Wow, what incredible irony.
没想到艾伦小姐是伊拉克的逃犯 I can't believe Miss Ellen was a criminal Iraqi fugitive.
是啊 知人知面不知心 Yeah, you just never know.
对不起我无视你了 I guess I'm sorry that I was ignoring you and stuff.
斯坦 情人节快乐 Happy Valentine's day, Stan.
-对不起 -没关系的 斯坦 - Sorry. - No, it's okay, Stan.
一切都会没事的 Everything's going to be okay.
卡特曼 你还想变成蕾丝边啊 Cartman, are you still trying to become a lesbian?
是啊 我妈说我只需要 Yeah, dude. my mom says all i
把这个箱子吃掉就行了 have to do is chew on this box.
[box也有阴道之意]
根据你所犯下的罪行 For crimes against this country,
你要被射到太阳作为刑罚 you are hereby sentenced to be shot into the center of the sun!
这都是误会 事情怎么会变成这样 This is all a mistake. This can't be happening.
-求你了 看在主的份上 -闭嘴 - Please, for the love of God! - Shut up!
温蒂 派对办的不错 Great party, Wendy.
谢谢你 坎贝尔女士 谢谢你帮我 Thanks, Mrs. Kimball. Thanks for helping me
让加里森老师回来教书 Get Mr. Garrison to come back as a teacher.
-乐意之至 小甜心 -你好啊 凯尔 - Anything for you, sugar pie. - Oh hi, Kyle.
温蒂 我一直在想 I've been thinking, Wendy.
事情至此太蹊跷了 This whole outcome is pretty strange.
稍等 Excuse me.
艾伦老师怎么就突然变成伊拉克逃犯了 How was Miss Ellen suddenly arrested for being an Iraq...?
是时候拿出日蚀观测盒了 It's time to whip out the eclipse shoeboxes!
-永别了 艾伦老师 -温蒂 你不是吧 - Bye-bye, Miss Ellen. - Wendy, you didn't!
我警告过她了 I told her.
不要跟温蒂·苔丝博格斗 Don't fuck with Wendy Testaburger!